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 Made a Decision

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          Make Use of What Others Have to Offer

Our AA founders taught us all the meaning of humility in many ways, including by taking no credit for creating our program of recovery.

 According to Bill Wilson:

"A.A. was not invented! Its basics were brought to us through the experience and wisdom of many great friends. We simply borrowed and adapted their ideas.

"Thankfully, we have accepted the devoted services of many non-alcoholics. We owe our very lives to the men and women of medicine and religion."

As Bill Sees It, page 67

Our Big Book, in describing living the spiritual life, takes that even further by stating we must make use of what others have to offer. 

While the literature of AA contains everything an alcoholic needs to know to stay sober, venturing further means to not be afraid of exploring various spiritual teachings to expand our own spiritual growth.

There's a lot of rigid thinking creeping into the program in today's meetings, but that's not new. Bob Pearson, AA's general services office manager in the 1970s and 80s, was worried about it even way back then: 

"If you were to ask me what is the greatest danger facing AA today," he said. "I would have to answer: 'the growing rigidity - the increasing demand for absolute answers to nit-picking questions; pressure for GSO to 'enforce' our Traditions; screening alcoholics at closed meetings; prohibiting non-Conference-approved literature (ie: banning books); laying more and more rules on groups and members.'"

                The ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

                                                                       (Tradition Three.)

I've been called out by members for reading from "non-Conference-approved literature," and for "cross sharing" (I'll get to that in a minute), and even for being "too tough a sponsor" in suggesting we let people go when they are unwilling to do the steps of recovery! 

But, as defined in AA, "We carry the message, not the alcoholic."  Taking a person through all 12 steps is the sponsor's only actual real job, so when a sponsee keeps ducking that work I was taught we need to let them go.

That reluctant one may become willing at a later date, but meanwhile there are people needing sponsorship who are ready and willing to do the work. In that moment they need us more.

 

To keep pushing an unwilling sponsee isn't sponsorship, it's codependency - a whole other recovery issue.

And what about "cross sharing" and "cross talk?"  There seems to be a lot of confusion about these two phrases, but here's how it was explained to me by those old-timers who were around during my early recovery:

"Cross talk" is when someone is sharing and we butt in to give them our opinion on what they're saying. Not only is this rude, it can derail their train of thought and prevent them from saying what they need to say. Cross talk is not acceptable. We don't do it. Period.

But when a member shares something troubling them that we have successfully dealt with by using the tools of recovery, we tell them about our experience when it's our turn to share in that meeting. 

That's "cross sharing," and it's what we are supposed to do in AA - to share our experience, strength and hope with a member in need. Our entire fellowship is built on cross sharing, inside and outside of meetings.

To "make use of what others have to offer," to explore the fullness of spiritual teachings as promoted by our AA founders, is not only desirable, it is our best adventure in recovery and in our life. There is some amazing stuff to be found out there.

 I especially like this bit below from the Book of Proverbs (23: 29-35) in the New King James version of the "Big Big Book." (Bible).  It pretty much describes us and our disease:

"Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaints? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes?

Those who linger long at the wine, Those who go in search of mixed wine.

Do not look on the wine when it is red, When it sparkles in the cup, When it swirls around smoothly;

At the last it bites like a serpent, And stings like a viper.

Your eyes will see strange things, And your heart will utter perverse things.

Yes, you will be like one who lies down in the midst of the sea, Or like one who lies at the top of the mast, saying:

They have struck me, but I was not hurt; They have beaten me, but I did not feel it. When shall I awake, that I may seek another drink?”

Then there's this succinct quote from the Koran:

"If not now, when?"

Wiccans teach that we must "harm none."

Judaism tells us there is one God, incorporeal and eternal, who wants all people to do what is just and merciful. That all people are created in the image of God and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

 The golden rule of Confucianism is: “Do not do unto others what you would not want others to do unto you.”

In AA "We represent no particular faith or denomination. We are dealing only with general principles common to most denominations."
Alcoholics Anonymous 4th Edition, Working With Others, Page 93

Reading various spiritual teachings strengthens and helps us develop our own relationship with our Higher Power. 

And learning what the latest science has to teach us about our alcoholic brains is fascinating. 

Go for it! Learn stuff!

But first, learn first-hand what AA actually teaches.

AA members don't enter into theological discussions, but in carrying our message of recovery we attempt to explain how living a spiritual life has worked for us.

How our developing a faith in a Higher Power has helped us overcome loneliness, fear and anxiety, and helped us get along with others.

How having a Higher Power in our lives has helped us overcome our desire for those things that would destroy us and replaced them with a simple and effective faith that works.

It's in our own best interest to become familiar with AA literature, to know what AA is - and is not. There are Big Book and 12&12 study groups in every country. Attend some, because in our regular meetings we will hear a lot of suggestions not based on our program of recovery. We won't know that unless we know what our program actually teaches.

We must rely on the teachings of AA to keep on track, but accept there is a lot of good stuff heard in meetings that isn't the gospel as taught in AA. If something appeals, and the person sharing it has some AA credibility, don't be afraid to experiment with it.

Like journaling, for instance.

It's a great tool in recovery, and as far as I know there's nothing about it in our literature.

Giving ourselves a gold star (shiny sticky ones are still around) in those same journals whenever we do something good that was difficult for us. Then, when having a bad day, flip back through your journal and read the entry whenever you find a gold star. It won't take more than three stars to remember you've done some hard stuff to be proud of.

Or, the next time someone gives you a pretty blank book, using it to collect inspiring quotes that can also provide a lift of spirits on a down day. (I call mine my sanity books.)

We'll hear about a lot of these various techniques that aren't to be found in our literature - from affirmations to daily exercise - but when used they can help our minds and bodies get healthier. Don't let fear of doing something new and different get in your way.

Seek joy. Be joyfull. Joy is your birthright!