Made a Decision

            "Make Use of What Others Have to Offer."

For almost 90 years alcoholics have been finding their way to sobriety inside the tremendous support system that is Alcoholics Anonymous. 

Our AA literature gives us the perfect blueprint on how to get and stay sober. Those who read the instructions and follow them (and continue to follow them) can be assured of living a sober life. 

Better than that, they can be certain of - eventually - living a life beyond their wildest dreams! 

While A.A. doesn't have a perfect record for getting and keeping alcoholics sober, it offers the best options for doing that job. Its track record of success is plain for all to see. But A.A. is not now - nor has it ever been - the only game in town! 

Others have achieved sobriety through active participation in all the major world religions. And some have achieved sobriety through other programs, from psychiatric counseling to self-help groups. 

A.A. isn't threatened by those successes. 

Those who have read our AA Big Book and our 12 & 12 know AA supports being involved in our own program while also getting outside help when needed. We are also encouraged to explore the many spiritual paths where our recovery journey may lead us. 

We are advised to "make use of what others have to offer."

In a limited sense, everything we need to stay sober IS in our Big Book. 

But why allow ourselves merely a one-book library? 

Reading a wide range of spiritual books adds to our greater understanding and takes us on an ever more fulfilling spiritual adventure.

I've been to AA meetings where only "conference approved literature" was allowed and I've been to meetings where readings came from any number of sources a member found inspiring. 

Clearly they've both worked for me, because neither type has derailed my sobriety.

Fear, supported by our ego, is always against change. 

We will accept something when we must, but then often quickly cop the attitude, "This is good and therefore this is good enough." It's a shame, because that's a fear-based decision, one not held by either of AA's founding fathers.

  Both Dr. Bob and Bill W. were highly literate, well-read men raised as Christians, but they remained wide open to the teachings of all religions, psychiatry and varied philosophies. 

Both men found a God of their understanding, but both continued to explore spiritual teachings all their lives and were the richer for it. 

They deplored intolerance and wrote quite a bit about it, like this from

 the Big Book:

"We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. Experience shows that such an attitude is not helpful to anyone. 

"Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witch-burners. A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity."

"... we have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired. 

"If what we have learned and felt and seen means anything at all, it means that all of us, whatever our race, creed, or color are the children of a living Creator with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try.  

"Those having religious affiliations will find here nothing disturbing to their beliefs or ceremonies. There is no friction among us over such matters. 

And then there's this from AA's American magazine, The Grapevine:

"Today, the vast majority of us welcome any new light that can be thrown on the alcoholic's mysterious and baffling malady. We welcome new and valuable knowledge whether it issues from a test tube, from a psychiatrist's couch, or from revealing social studies. 

"We are glad of any kind of education that accurately informs the public and changes its age-old attitude toward the drunk.

"More and more we regard all who labor in the total field of alcoholism as our companions on a march from darkness into light. We see that we can accomplish together what we could never accomplish in separation and in rivalry."

As our third Tradition states: 

The Only Requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking." 

Those of us who make it to A.A. (and so many of us sadly never do!) know our having one drink starts a train of obsessive thought toward getting the next one. And once we're aboard that train we can't easily get off. 

Our disease is an "equal opportunity destroyer." We all arrive in A.A. propelled there by the same disease. So our fellowship includes people from all religions, and those with no religion, from every race, sexual persuasion and all the trades and professions. 

There are two common mistakes people make about alcoholism:

One is that it can be cured by physical treatment. It can't. 

The second is it can be controlled by willpower. It can't. 

Most alcoholics have tried both ways and found they just don't work.

Alcohol is poison to the alcoholic - literally - because when an alcoholic continues to drink, they die.  It may be a quick death or a slow death - but it's death by poison regardless.

Remember those old black and white movies where the bartender smiles and says, "Name your poison?" 

For an alcoholic, that's an absolute truth.

Alcohol, society's "legal" drug, come packaged in pretty bottles and sold by clever advertising, but it's lethal stuff and we alcoholics tend to drink it by the gallon.

In recovery, we recognize that alcohol poisoned our lives for a very long time. 

Learning to recognize (and then daily remember) that all liquor is poisonous to us - is an important part of our staying sober.

After all, as I heard again in a meeting just the other night: 

"We don't suffer from alcoholwasism, we suffer from alcoholism. 

 

 Made a Decision 

          Romance on the A.A. Campus 

                                 (and other potential addictions). 

            

I was told "No romance for a minimum of two years" when I got to AA. Being unique, I wanted to disregard that advice. I was 37-years-of-age. I was a grown up. I could see no good reason for that abstinence.

Here's the reason: 

It takes a while - on what will become our lifetime journey of recovery - to find our feet and be able to withstand those strong addictive emotions that, once they hit, can bring about a stumble, or worse, a slip. 

I understand that now, of course, because hindsight is almost always 20/20. The advice was given because alcoholics are addicts and we can become addicted to pretty much anything even long after we've put the plug in the jug. 

To be blunt, we addicts like a high. We love the buzz. When our minds get turned on by anything (or anyone) the voice of our disease inside our head shouts: "This feels GREAT. I'll have lots and lots more of it, thanks."

(Are there exceptions to this "Romance Rule?" Of course there are and I've known at least two of them first hand. But in general it's a very good "rule" to follow. Early sobriety is hard enough to maintain without the added difficulties of becoming a couple, especially a two-addict couple.) 

In "recovery" we can become hooked on many things besides a romance, too - action (running, bodybuilding, aerobic exercise, dancing), food (especially sugary or high-carb foods), gambling, sex, coffee, nicotine (including vaping), overspending (often credit card money), other people, plastic surgery, religion, soda pop ... you name it, our motto is (and quite possibly always will be) "More is better." 

We slide sideways into other addictions and in the process (sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly) move away from keeping our Higher Power in the top slot in our lives. 

We don't recognise that's what we're doing, of course, but anything - ANYTHING - that takes precedence over developing and maintaining that primary relationship with our Higher Power then becomes our Higher Power. 

I've done so once or twice during my recovery, mainly by just not knowing any better at the time. But my own tough-love Higher Power has doled out some pretty heavy consequences when I've put anything else (or anyone) into that Number One slot. 

But when I keep my Higher Power in the rightful place, all the rest of my life falls easily, happily and productively into place. I even smoothly navigate my life "lessons" and enjoy learning stuff. 

But, being human and not saintly, I haven't always been able to manage it.

 

For various periods of time in sobriety I have latched onto addictions for plastic-spending, comfort eating, fame seeking, coffee (two or three pots of daily coffee truly isn't normal), over-protection of my children, and believe it or not - dancing!

 In every case I denied I was addicted and even sometimes lied to close friends for no good reason when pressed about it.

 "I've only had TWO cups of coffee today, honest." (Just like I once had only drunk those "TWO" beers.)

I put a man in place of my Higher Power once, too, and kept him there for quite a while, ignoring every invasive thought that inviting him into my world in the first place was not a good idea.

 With fingers in my ears and my mouth making "lalalalala" noises, I could not (and would not) hear any opinions to the contrary.

My man of choice was abusive, unkind, controlling, jealous and elusive. But I saw his "potential" and knew that I could bring it out in him. I could save him! I made him the most important part of my life - far more important than anyone or anything else. 

Our Big Book has quite a lot to say about "Self-Will Run Riot," and none of it good. The main theme being that the biggest danger we face as recovering people is our self-will.

My Higher Power didn't step in and stop my side-trip into relationship-based insanity, either (God doesn't want puppets, He wants volunteers). Over the lengthy course of that doomed relationship I sank deeper and deeper into depression until suicide began to look like a viable option. When we stop paying daily attention to our recovery we can indeed get there while remaining 100-percent booze free.

 I finally reached that stage when I felt I couldn't live without him, but found it impossible to quit, and was able at last to recognize the addiction. We all know that's the most hellish place there is ... but, just like with booze (or any other addiction), the relief comes when we surrender our powerlessness and again let our Higher Power actually BE our Higher Power. 

Incidentally, all throughout that relationship addiction I prayed for it to continue with peace, love and sanity, but found within it only frustration, sorrow and, finally, desperation. (Impossible prayers often get "No" for an answer.)

There's a quote that perfectly addresses getting free from being stuck like that:  Call on God - but row away from the rocks.

Here's a tip - if you're involved in any kind of addictive behavior and find yourself telling your closest friends or sponsor that it's not a problem, that it's all working out just fine, that you've got the situation well under control - and find still more and more ways to creatively lie about it  - you just might be in trouble.

  Every single one of us approached A.A. in trouble, in impossible trouble, in hopeless trouble. 

                               And that is why we came.

When we first get into AA it's a lot easier to accept there is a God of our own understanding who helped us get off alcohol and drugs and to make keeping in touch with that power our number one priority. But as time goes on it's just as easy to let that slide a bit. 

After all, this Higher Power connection isn't clear cut or even visible. It seldom feels real much of the time in early recovery, and certainly not in the way that a sweetly-fragrant newly-purchased car does, or like scoring a big exciting win at the races. And it sure as hell doesn't snuggle up and whisper lovely naughty things to us.

Our disease has a much louder voice than the one used by my Higher Power. And our disease remains ever "cunning, baffling and powerful." It wants us dead and will use anything - ANYTHING - to get us back to drinking and using again.

No one ever said this recovery thing is easy. 

Simple, yes. Easy, no.

No one will tell you keeping your Higher Power as the number one relationship in your life is easy, either. But those who stay the course will absolutely tell you it's worth it.

Long-term recovery eventually brings the importance of that higher relationship into sharp focus, but I've come to believe that all those addictive side trips we take in recovery are there to teach us just that. 

"For the garden is the only place that is, but you will not find it until you have looked for it everywhere and found nowhere that is not a desert." 

          W.H. Auden, British-American Poet.

I no longer think we make any mistakes in our lives. We just have different "lessons." A painful "lesson" can be a blessing in disguise if it takes us to our knees. Maybe we need those jolts of pain from time to time in order to learn what our Higher Power wants for us? 

All I know for sure is that my recovery and spiritual growth have to come first for me. I now make sure on a daily basis that they do. 

And I believe that's a right and necessary self-concern for each and every one of us.