Made A Decision

There is only one sure cure for world-weariness and that is turning to a spiritual solution. 

Our Best Thinking ...

I was shaken to my core at a long-ago meeting when I heard someone say: "I used to think I was smart until I realised my best thinking got me HERE."

That speaker sure gave ME something to think about - then - and ever since!

Up until that time I thought myself to be quite a good little thinker. After all, I had a good job and also an alert brain that never shuts down ... or shuts up. The kind of brain, I've since learned, that's common to most alcoholics.

Along with pondering and questioning the need for doing all those steps, that God thing A.A. members nattered on about so much also became a perfect topic to spin my brainy wheels on, over and over again. 

"What is God? 

Is God male or female, or neither? 

Was Jesus God? 

Was Buddha God? 

Who was God? 

What was God?

Should I become Wiccan?

Wiccans are off the wall. 

But it's a Nature religion.

I love Nature.

Maybe I could become a Quaker?

How about an Animist?

Is there a God at all? 

Why should I trust it if there is? 

Where was God when (pick a nasty incident) happened to me?

Why can't I hear or see God ... etc."

That beat went on in my head, ad infinitum, for a very, very long stretch of time in my early recovery.

Our late-stage alcoholic A.A. founders knew who they were dealing with when they offered us a God of our own understanding, but even that open-ended kind of God remains a challenge for many of us.

The fact is - believe this or not - it doesn't matter! 

All we are asked to do in A.A. is acknowledge there is a power out there bigger than we are, something that designed the Universe, created our planet, and then DNA'd elephants, mosquitoes, trees, humans and everything else to enliven it.

Once we can accept we're not THAT Power, and get on with Step Two - followed by the rest of the steps - we're well launched along our sober path. A God of our own special brand of understanding can then be discovered as a bonus for our travels along it. 

Or not, as is the case with our many members who remain agnostic or atheist, but who nevertheless have at some point acknowledged Life is not all about them! 

There is no doubt the chairs of A.A. are filled with some very bright people, but even the most brilliant minds have no defence against the disease of alcoholism. We can't think our way sober. 

Intelligence, after all, is merely one of nature's gifts, along with artistic talent, musical ability, athletic prowess, and all the rest. We can be grateful for any such gifts, and we can develop them to the best of our ability, but we didn't create them.

 (It helps us become a bit more humble when we come to realise and accept that.)

Having a clever brain doesn't make us any better than anyone else. Worse, it can be a real handicap in our getting and staying sober. I can think of - and so can you - dozens of very intelligent writers, actors, politicians, comedians, musicians, and other vastly talented people who have all died drunk from our disease. 

"Too smart for their own good," as the old saying goes.

Neither a high IQ, university degree (or multiples thereof), mathematical agility, scientific knowledge, or any other intellectual achievement will restore us to sanity and give us sobriety. 

It takes a Power greater than ourselves to get that job done, even if the Power we acknowledge is just the power of sobriety found within our own A.A. group. 

Far better to relax and go with the flow. Everything we need to know about our Higher Power will be revealed as we trudge our sober path.

Like any relationship, the one I have with my Higher Power has grown and changed as I have learned more along my spiritual journey. The God of my understanding today bears little resemblance to the ones I've tried on - and discarded - over the years. 

It took time in A.A. to find a God that fit me, but I wouldn't trade my current version for your God - or anyone else's God (or non-God) either. 

I will always marvel at the infinite patience of members in my first A.A. group, people I viewed from my then-lofty perch as being a little too friendly and pretty naive, though I considered them to be mainly nice people. The one thing many of them had that I hadn't been able to achieve (with all my supposed smarts) was long-term sobriety. So even though I thought I had little in common with most of them, I stayed to discover for myself just how they had achieved that sobriety trick.

By staying I got to know, and then slowly to admire many of them. I was told to "stick with the winners,” and I did. I formed friendships within their ranks. I saw first-hand how their use of A.A.'s teachings gave them an easier path through life. 

I wanted what they had and they told me to stick around still longer and I could have it all - and more besides. They were right, along with that special bonus of not having had to take a drink or use a mind-altering chemical ever since.

I arrived in A.A. as an angry (all-the-time) impatient drunk. I'm no longer always angry and I no longer drink, but patience still isn't my strong suit. I can still get anxious over unimportant things (mainly involving computers), but the difference is, with HP's help, I now live a life where impatience and anxiety generally have to work to find a way in. 

I know for sure that my own level of serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance of my own powerlessness in any situation. And if a situation isn't working for me, I can take steps to change it.

Simply put, the Higher Power we find in A.A. works. And - as is often said in the Southern United States - "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

 

I would add to that wisdom by saying - "And don't overthink it!"

 

Made A Decision

Swallowing your pride will not get you drunk. 

Powerlessness

The ‘sober’ alcoholic chooses not to drink because he has accepted his alcoholism. 

The ‘dry’ alcoholic, while “not drinking,” is invariably angry and resentful. He finds abstinence

is not exciting because he is not interested in it - he is bored. Father Leo B., A.A. speaker  

The "dry drunk" in the above quote has simply not accepted his or her powerlessness over addiction(s). Total acceptance - with no reservations - is absolutely essential to maintain sobriety. 

It takes utter defeat and utter surrender to go from a raging drinking alcoholic to a recovering alcoholic, one who values their sobriety above all things. 

With our admission we are powerless over alcohol comes acceptance. With acceptance comes the willingness to do what's needed to stay sober.

Acceptance comes hard for us all. Many of us struggled for decades to control our drinking, to drink like normal drinkers, to figure out how to avoid the consequences of our drinking. 

 Some alcoholics (as our Big Book tells us) are never able to admit defeat. They continue to drink, drug, and pursue these controlling behaviors until our disease finally kills them. 

Our A.A. literature explains: . . . the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge. This is a point we wish to emphasize and re-emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience.

Those of us fortunate enough to have acted upon our "moment of clarity" - that instant of knowing our absolute powerlessness over our disease - tend to grab hold of what A.A. has to offer with both hands and hopeful hearts. 

Think back to when your own addiction(s) influenced every part of your daily life; when your drug of choice gave you permission to indulge in every kind of behavior.  Coming to the realization that on our own we can do nothing to escape that dark power - other than to surrender to a Higher Power - offers us no option other than total surrender. 

Later, when we recognize we are not only powerless over alcohol, but are powerless over what people think about us, or how other people work their program, and even over the ability to keep our own hearts beating one moment longer than our Higher Power intends for us, we are truly well on our way in recovery. 

That's when we are able to stop getting white knuckles from gripping the steering wheel of our lives so tightly. 

That's also when we find there are things we are not powerless over - like our attitudes - because we can adjust our thinking. It takes plenty of practice, but we can let go of negativity. We can experiment with positive affirmations, different spiritual practices, and we can become a positive influence to ourselves and others, including even giving some care to our battered home planet. 

Our 12 & 12 book tells us: 

We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built.

Our Big Book has plenty to say about it, too:

He cannot picture life without alcohol. Someday he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.

Step One is a two-part step: 

Part A: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol ...

Part B: … and that our lives had become unmanageable.

Once we've firmly placed the plug in the jug and our cravings for alcohol have stopped (sometimes quickly, sometimes more slowly) we can then begin to work on Part B, the unmanageable part. 

Doing so means we must learn to "practice these principles" of A.A in every area of our lives. We will not only stay sober by doing all 12 steps of recovery (and continuing to do them), we will also slowly move away from lives of turmoil and high drama and begin living lives filled with joy, purpose and serenity.

 It all begins with accepting both parts of Step One. 

With surrender comes victory over that mindset where life is too hard to live without an escape hatch. When we stop fighting, being stubborn, arguing and trying to figure out everything - we can begin to relax. The answers we seek will come over time. SLOW-briety!

I used to feel great sympathy for any person who suffered. Today I only commiserate with those who suffer in ignorance, people who do not yet know the transformative purpose of pain. 

Those who have that information and are "bored," or in any way “hurting,” can stop suffering by doing more of the doing of recovery. 

So if you are "bored" in A.A., sit down right now with pen and paper and figure out why. The more common causes are: 

• Not getting to enough meetings, or not going to a lot of different meetings, 

• Not doing any service work, 

• Not attending any Big Book or 12 & 12 study meetings, 

• Not having a Home Group, 

• Not setting aside enough (or any) time for readings and contemplation, or prayer and meditation ... 

• In other words basically coasting along being content with merely staying dry, no more and no less. In the big picture of our recovery that's a very "slippery" place to be.

This A.A. journey, after all, has worked, and continues to work, for millions of people. It will work for you, too - but only if you work it.  

________________________________________________

 

Made A Decision

Don't let the life A.A. gave you take you away from your life in A.A..

          

             Taking Our Show on the Road

Acceptance does not mean submission to a degrading situation. It means accepting the fact of a situation, and then deciding what we will do about it.  (One Day at a Time in Al-Anon book)

A.A. has given me a full and satisfying life, and the Big Book makes it clear it would be wrong for me to limit all my interests and activities only to A.A. What we learn in A.A. is needed in the outer world and we are all charged with taking it out there. 

But, in doing so, we must also stay aware A.A. needs to remain our number one priority activity.

I have come to believe there's only one way for me to have a fully satisfying life, and that's by living the way God wants me to live. My HP and I meet up in that secret place of spirit on a daily basis. That's where I get my marching orders and special treats. 

That HP connection has given my life meaning and a task of work to do that matters. When I act under God's direction My life runs smoothly and, best of all, I am deeply content.  

(When I am not content I have misread my directions and must take a step back to see where I've gone off track - and then fix it). 

"And greater works than this shall ye do," it says in the Bible. Other religious texts say the same. 

We can do greater works when we have some experience of the new way of life we're given in A.A. Opportunities for a better world are all around us. But we do not work alone. Our Higher Power is there to guide us into all good works. 

The following two quotes say it all: 

Let A.A. never be a closed corporation; let us never deny our experience, for whatever it may be worth, to the world around us. Let our individual members heed the call to every field of human endeavor. Let them carry the experience and spirit of A.A. into all these affairs, for whatever good they may accomplish."  (GRAPEVINE, JANUARY 1958)

For not only has God saved us from alcoholism; the world has received us back into its citizenship. A.A. COMES OF AGE, pp. 232-233) 

The first thing we learn in A.A. is how to behave in a meeting. 

We quickly are taught not to interrupt others when they are speaking (cross talk), but when it's our turn we can reference their stated problems by offering program answers that have worked for us.

We learn in meetings and from our sponsors how to love one another, how to look out for one another, how to first care for our group members and then for A.A. members everywhere. 

It soon becomes very easy to look out for one another inside the rooms of A.A., but eventually we have to take some of that recovery into our homes and society.

 Many of us talk a good talk "around the tables" of A.A., but then go home and shout ugly things at our partners and children. That has to stop and it eventually will when we continue to work our program to the best of our ability.

When we smile at our A.A. group members, leave the meeting and within minutes are unkind to a fellow shopper or clerk, we still have some growing up to do.

Because no one is in our life by accident. 

Everyone we meet - from the postman delivering our mail, to the local butcher, baker and all those candlestick makers - are all here to teach us something about ourselves. 

The world doesn't need any more  of our anger. It needs love if there is going to be any kind of healing for our species and for our planet. And that love begins with each and every one of us as we take what we've learned in A.A. out into the world. 

We are all - every one of us - tasked with loving our world and everything and everyone in it. This is especially important in these times of escalating strife and political upheaval and it’s easy to forget under the constant barrage of “information” from the media and online.

We must - often - turn off the noise and practice "the discipline of kindness" to feel our best about ourselves. 

The first part of the word "civilization" is "civil."  Our fellowship, and even our civilization, can come to an end if we all think only of ourselves. 

We in recovery have a wonderful opportunity to contribute to the well-being of the world. We have found the answer to our own greatest problem and know it is not found in buying more stuff, shaming people on social media, or becoming more and more cynical through non-stop watching of the 24/7 news cycle. 

It can help if we start to see our world as our Father's house, and to think of all the people we meet as guests in that house, people we must treat with respect. 

The same is true of our world. It, too, is our Father's house. 

Just as we wouldn't throw garbage around our own Father's living room, we shouldn’t contribute to others having to walk knee deep in plastic wrappers (or dog crap) in our streets. 

When we want to be of service, both inside and beyond A.A., we contribute to making our program, and our world, a better place. 

The answer we have found in A.A. is all about love - self-love and love of others. And it's also about service.

In recovery we learn to love ourselves enough to stay sober.  We learn to love our fellow A.A. members and to want them to succeed in staying sober. We learn to pray for those we find it hard to like. We learn to love A.A. and to want to contribute to it through our service for its continuance. 

As our hearts expand in love we continue to send it outward, from A.A. to our families, our neighbors, our community, our world.  And "boy howdy”does the world ever need some of it right now!

Do we appreciate our unique opportunity to be of service? Or are we always focused on staying busy with our own concerns? Do any of the following sound familiar?"

"I'd do more service work in A.A., but I don't have the time."

"I'd take the kids to the beach (park/woods/movies) more, but I have to work."

"I wish I could join and contribute to Earth Extinction (World Wildlife Fund/my Political Party/Cancer Society/homeless relief project/local women's shelter, the Humane Society/the National Trust, etc. etc. etc.), but I'm too busy."

Here's the thing about making time:

If you heard your name announced on your local radio station as the winner of a fat cash prize as long as you showed up to collect it at the station by 5 p.m. on that day - you'd find the time to get there!

 Or if one of your family members were suddenly injured, you'd "find the time" to get them the medical attention they needed.

If you smelled smoke in the house you'd quickly find the time to tear yourself away from that computer solitaire game to find the cause.

We can always "make time" for things we feel are important. 

And, as part of that effort, there is always something we can do for others; and in that doing we increase the value of our own life. 

Helping others in any capacity also helps keep us sober and anything that keeps our cunning, baffing, powerful (and patient) disease at bay is well worth doing!

 

Up your attitude with gratitude.

               Guess What? It's Gratitude Week! 

On June 10th, 1935, Bill Wilson and his brand new friend Dr. Robert Smith, set out to find the best way to help alcoholics heal and Alcoholics Anonymous was born. 

We acknowledge this remarkable anniversary by taking part in A.A.'s Gratitude Week, held annually from June 9 through June 15. 

A.A. members celebrate by holding gratitude meetings in their home groups, or by making a special donation to the General Service Office (either as an individual or by having a separate passing of the pot to send in labeled as your group's gratitude contribution), or by our just taking time every morning this week to be grateful for all that A.A. has given us personally.

Before our founders cobbled together our amazing program of recovery - drawing on medicine, religion, science, and their built-in first-hand knowledge of how alcoholics think and behave ... 

                        There was NO SOLUTION for drunks like us.

To be diagnosed as an "alcoholic" before 1935 was a death sentence.

Alcoholism meant suffering a long, slow, painful decline into insanity, followed by death. So living in this time when A.A. is readily available is truly a miracle for every single one of us. 

Stop and just think about that for a minute. 

Remember when you hit the last stage of your own drinking? Remember the fear, the hangovers, the self-disgust, the scornful looks and remarks from friends and family, your own bafflement at not wanting to drink, but continuing to do so? 

Can you recall your denial that you even had a problem until the cell door slammed behind you, or the family left, or you got fired? Or all of the above? 

Remember? 

What if there had been no way out for you? What if the hand of A.A. hadn't been there? What if there hadn't been A.A. members to show you the way out? What if there had been no A.A. meeting to become your safe place?

Think about all that for a moment, too.

Our book says we are people who would not normally mix, coming as we do from different countries, political, economic, social and religious backgrounds. But mix we do, and we survive, because of the common solution A.A. offers via every one of us. 

Every single member of A.A. has something to offer our fellow alcoholics (This means you, too). Our presence alone is a comfort, our experiences resonate, our strength supports and our hope is contagious. Even when we're struggling ourselves we contribute, because by sharing our torment we open the door for others to help us, and clarify our own minds in the process.

Give a thought to what our A.A. friends offer us, of their caring, friendliness, understanding, support, and when we most need it  - a jolt of truth - delivered with an honesty seldom found elsewhere. 

And we do the same for them. 

We are needed!  We, who were once slaves to our drink, have become free in A.A.. Freedom is what recovery is all about. We are free in sobriety to become the person we were meant to be before our addiction(s) derailed us. We have become free to enjoy all life has to offer. 

Does being free mean we'll always get our own way? Uh, no. Sorry.

 We learn, we grow, and then we get more opportunities to learn still more. Some sober lessons will be difficult, because that's how we continue to grow to become better people.

We are where we are for a reason. Growth is work. We must be willing to do the simple things that our newer understandings ask of us. That's how we get to that "more will be revealed" part of our recovery.

All of us pray when hurting. In recovery we learn if we pray regularly, when we continually try for that conscious contact, we won't always hurt as intensely, or as often, or for as long.

Recovery - like old age - ain’t for sissies. It's all about continuing to do-the-doing in good times and bad. "SLOW-briety" will get us where we need to go - one day at a time. Best of all, we'll get there sober. 

Recovery is also about being and remaining grateful for ALL our sober experiences, not just the ones we like. There is much to be learned from both joy and from pain. 

When we are active in our recovery we change every single day … one day at a time  This growth is not the result of wishing and hoping, but of action and prayer. 

Scientists say we cannot hold a negative thought and a positive thought at the same time. So making a gratitude list is a guaranteed path out of the doldrums. Try it. It works every time! And the best part is, the more gratitude we have, the happier we will feel. 

"We are not saints," and we never will be, but it's a healthy sign of our recovery when we really wish we could be ... when we truly want to be better, and are willing to do everything it takes to become the best person we can.

Our disease wanted us to die alone and unloved at the bitter end of a shortened life. It still does. It doesn't want recovery for us. Our disease wants us isolated, lonely, depressed, suicidal - and dead. 

A.A. is our salvation. Recovery is also an ADVENTURE.  So put on your pith helmet and get ready to explore all the many aspects of it. 

Above all, never ever stop being grateful that you are alive and sober in - all because of - Alcoholics Anonymous! 

_________________________________________________

 

Made A Decision

I pray I may make my life into something useful and good. I pray I may not ever be discouraged by thinking my progress is too slow. 

"Veni, Vidi, Velcro  . . .  I came, I saw, I stuck around."

Perhaps my Higher Power's greatest personal gift to me, on that lucky day when I arrived in A.A., was to render me teachable - perhaps for the first time in my life.

By that time alcohol had beaten my every effort to control or quit it, so I had become willing to do what I was told. 

Also, once inside the rooms of A.A., I saw what those around me had - and I wanted it.  I didn't just want a piece of it, either. Being an alcoholic who lived by our motto - "More is better " - I wanted all of it. 

(And I wanted it in a paper bag to go, so I could get on with my life and not have to keep going to all those meetings. I soon learned it doesn't work that way.)

I was told in meetings, "Don't leave A.A. before the miracle happens." 

I wanted my miracle (not yet realizing my being safe and sober in A.A. was of itself a huge miracle), so purely by the Grace of God I became willing to "go to any lengths" to get it. 

How about you?

Are you convinced?

Are you still wondering if you really are an alcoholic?

Are you teachable?

Here's that saying again that helped convince me: "If you think you have a problem with alcohol, you probably do." People without an alcohol problem don't sit around wondering if they have a problem with alcohol. Untreated alcoholics, do. 

Here's how our Big Book defines it: 

When you honestly want to quit drinking and find that you can't, or if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably an alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer.  

What does that kind of defeat feel like? According to our A.A. World Services it feels a lot like the way I felt when I got here:  

Defeated, and knowing it, I arrived at the doors of A.A., alone and afraid of the unknown. A power outside of myself had ... guided me through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Once inside A.A. I experienced a sense of being loved and accepted, something I had not felt since early childhood. May I never lose the sense of wonder I experienced on that first evening with A.A., the greatest event of my entire life.

To keep that feeling, to be IN and stay IN the program of A.A., requires commitment and courage. Grit, if you will, plus the determination to do what's necessary to stay sober and improve one's life - and the lives of others - in the process.

As the inspirational author Darlene Larson Jenks so truthfully wrote: To do nothing is failure. To try, and in the trying you make some mistakes and then you make some positive changes as a result of those mistakes, is to learn and to grow and to blossom.

All of us in A.A. are "blossoms" living on borrowed time, time we would not even have had without the grace of God and our program of recovery.

Most of us, with some exceptions, arrive in A.A. in middle-age with the emotional age of teenagers, because our maturing process ended when we began drinking and drugging.

(We won't believe we're middle-aged, either. But if you get sober- say - in your 40s, isn't that more than halfway to my own 80-something? Do the math!)

Do we want to make up for the time we've wasted in the past? Do our lives now have a sense of purpose?  Are we going to make what time we have left count for A.A.? I sure hope so, because none of us knows how much time we have left. 

I realize this may sound a bit grim, but being a genuine old person I can promise you old age will also arrive for you one fine day, and it won't slowly creep up on you, either. Old age arrives in the blink of an eye. 

Let's say you are now a "middle-aged" youngster, still feeling good, frisky, and able to get into all kinds of trouble without much effort even without the use of mind-altering chemicals. You might have more soreness than you used to on the day following some hard physical work, but it's no big deal ... 

And then ...

You happen to own a pickup truck and one sunny day you decide to clean out the truck bed. You get in, sweep and make it ready to hose out. You start to jump down to get the hose, but suddenly your brain shouts, "Whoa."

 Standing on the tailgate looking down at what suddenly looks like a great distance, you decide it might be better to sit down and slide off onto your feet.

Congratulations! 

Your doorway into old age has just arrived!

Or at least - with hindsight - that's how it arrived for me. Your future will hold something similar, and I can promise it will arrive a lot sooner than you expect.

So the big question is -  are you going to stay sober to do all the things you want to do - and should do, and can do - before your time runs out? We all can, especially when we don't forget our one days at a time will eventually come to an end. 

Staying focused isn't always easy. We often become so busy with "life" we forget the only reason we have our busy productive life is because we are sober. 

Or we can put off doing today what we think we'll get around to doing tomorrow, because time is such an easy thing to piddle away. 

Learning to budget our time - like our money - is an important part of recovery. We can get full value out of each and every sober day just by daily doing-the-doing that we learn and practice in A.A. 

It's all worth it, too, because living a sober life rocks - at any age!

_________________________________________________