Sunday, March 28, 2021

 Made a Decision

(6)


Letter to a Sponsee who wandered off into the internet

 

Was sorry to not see you "in" our meetings last night. The first meeting was all about relapse (two of our members did recently) and it was very powerful. Much to think about and to learn from. We are never free of our disease, you know. It can rear its ugly dangerous head at any time. Vigilance - one day at a time - is our protection. 

 

I suspect you are angry with me for my comments at your Facebook post yesterday, and that's fine.  I genuinely don't care if we agree about the basics of life ... I say poh-tay-to, you say po-taaa-toe ... you like orange, I like red ... you like the Noon meetings, I prefer the 1830 meetings ... big deal. Our differences are what make people endlessly interesting. But I will always challenge you - or anyone - when I see lies being perpetuated. 

 

My concern here is about you spreading information about your recent interest in many online conspiracy theories. Such theories can be more interesting and exciting than reality, but anything based on distortion of reality is dangerous - especially to anyone trying to live by spiritual principles as we do in AA. 

      

Alcoholics Anonymous is all about the truth - that's what the steps are all about. We recognize the truth in Step 1 that we are powerless over alcohol; we learn about our own character problems in our 4th and 5th steps; we ask our Higher Power to remove those defects and thus allow us to see ourselves and others more clearly; we share the truth about recovery in our 9th and 12th step work - and so on. 

 

Is AA no longer interesting or a priority in your life? If so, you have reached a very dangerous place in your recovery. With zoom meetings we have the opportunity to go to meetings all over the world. I hope you will take full advantage of that. 

 

I am not here to lecture you. I am here as your sponsor, committed to telling you the truth about recovery. And the truth is you are putting other things ahead of sobriety when you don't get to your home group for two weeks. 

 

If you think another AA member would serve you better now in sponsorship, that's fine. I have no ego invested in your recovery. I just want you to stay sober and live to enjoy one positive experience after another in the years ahead. If a different sponsor can help you achieve that, go for it! Take care of yourself and your sobriety. It's the most valuable thing you have.

 

If you stay with me you can be assured I will always challenge you on issues of truth. Lies - even little white ones - are dangerous for anyone, but they can be lethal for an alcoholic. And the most dangerous lies of all are the ones we tell ourselves.

 

All our answers for life as recovering people are based on the honesty found in the steps - learning them and living them on a daily basis is a sure path to better living. That's the one thing I absolutely know for sure.

 

Here's something else I know for sure - You are smart, witty, interesting and just plain lovely. You are a joy to know. But never forget that you need AA  - and that AA needs you!

 

And that’s the truth!


Sunday, March 21, 2021

 Made A Decision


(5)


A letter follows that was written to an AA friend who had relapsed, but had recently returned to AA.



Dear __________:

 

You have asked for my thoughts about how you might stay sober this time. Simply put, “It works when we work it.”

 

Recovery is NOT easy. Recovery takes work. But it's good work.

By doing the work we discover how unique and wonderful and perfect we truly are. 

 

Don't believe it? 

 

Why not? 

 

What in you, besides a distorted ego, says you're not worth knowing and accepts that as the truth? That's the one big question for each of us. Doing the work of recovery gives us the answer. 

 

You wrote that you have the book "Believing in Myself" and that you "read it most days." 

Why on earth would you not read it (or another daily spiritual reading) every single day, and think about what you have read, and answer any questions it brings up in your head? 

Today's reading is excellent, addressing self-love - self-love means self-care - and self-care means doing what we need to do to get and stay healthy. 

 

We can't jump a chasm in two jumps, Medear. We're either IN recovery or we're not. We're either applying the steps of recovery in our lives or we're not. I suggest you make that "decision" we hear about at the start of every meeting, and stay IN recovery. It can't be any worse than what you are experiencing now by often teetering on the edge. 

 

You’ve said you have no faith there is a God. I had no faith in any kind of God when I got to recovery, either. But one sober day at a time I have found a God that cares for me in my life. 

 

Some people in recovery find their god in an instant. It didn't happen that way for me. It didn't happen overnight. Recovery isn’t all about instant gratification. It is time - sober time - that brings the deeper healing. 

 

My journey to faith was a long hard slog. It took my wanting to experience what many in the rooms clearly had! Their laughter and joy were like spurs to me, sending me onward. But I am in no way unique. It’s there for you, too! 

 

I start every single morning today by taking the first three steps, saying aloud  -- "God, I know that I am powerless and I know that YOU have ALL power. I gratefully, and willingly, turn my will and my life over to your care and keeping, praying only for knowledge of your will for me, and for the power, energy, courage and desire to carry that out today. Please let me serve you today."  

 

It works when we work it.

 

For the record, I prefer our regular meetings, too. But I doubt I'll ever be able to go to one again. I think Covid 19 is going to be with us for a long long time. I'm very grateful, tho, that it didn't arrive in the 1990s, or even the first part of this century, when zoom wouldn't have been an option! 

 

At least we have zoom meetings we can go to, see our AA friends there, and - here's the bonus - make new AA friends from all around the world! I've always found that hearing "the same old same old" in a different accent - or viewpoint - brings a freshness to my own program of recovery. 

 

Big Book thumper that I am, I urge you to get to as many online meetings as you can, and zoom offers us our regular meetings and meetings around the world any time of our day or night.

 

 I know I'm too young in my own recovery to miss many meetings ...   so I know for sure that you are. 😉

 

I don't know if any of these hard truths will help you or not, Medear. But I hope there is something in the above that will light the fire for recovery in you that will let you become passionate about yourself and your life.

 

 God doesn't make junk - but we can lose our way in life and not know how perfect we all are. Recovery is the way back to knowing that truth. 

 

And the truth sets us free!


Sunday, March 14, 2021

 


Made A Decision 


(4)


Staying Sober No Matter What


The best part of having long term sobriety is to know it’s possible for anything to happen and to know for sure there is no need to drink over it. 


Over the years I have personally experienced the suicide of close friends; the death of my nephew to an overdose; the brutal murder of one of my sponsees; health issues; the death of my parents; financial loss; personal loss … and the list goes on. 


Sober or not - life, death, and shit - happens.


       My list, of course, overlaps with the lists of others. My nephew who died was the son of my brother, also a recovering alcoholic. My brother didn’t drink over his tragic loss. 

The mother of my murdered sponsee, also a recovering alcoholic, didn’t drink over her devastating loss. 

My brother and I both lost our parents and our older brother in the years of our recovery and neither of us felt the need to drink over it. 

          Our losses are our pain, but we are no longer alone, and pain shared is made bearable.


       I remember a man in a noon meeting sitting with his head bowed, his hands covering his face as tears slid between his fingers and dropped to form a puddle at his feet. He had learned that morning his only daughter and her children had been murdered by her estranged spouse. He didn’t drink over his loss that day, or in any of the days, weeks, months and years  that followed.


       I remember when an AA friend lost his only child, his beautiful college-age daughter, to a road accident in which she was killed by a drunk driver. My friend stayed sober. He’s still sober.


      I remember the wracking sorrow when a young sponsee of mine buried her beloved husband, dead of brain cancer, on the morning of what would have been their third wedding anniversary. She didn’t pick up a drink  …  


I remember another sponsee of mine telling me her own cancer was inoperable. She died a few months later, but she died sober ... 


I was there when the best friend I’ve ever had told me she had stage four breast cancer. She stayed sober in all the months of painful treatments that followed and remained sober till the very end.


             So I admit I feel impatience (make that annoyance) when I hear AA members whining and wanting to drink over far, far lesser things than those I’ve named. But then I remember - again - that our disease is above all things - “cunning, baffling and powerful.”


 Even the smallest of things can send a drunk back to the bottle when we don’t remain vigilant. 


Keep sober.


Sunday, March 7, 2021

 Made a Decision … Letter to a Struggling Newcomer:

 

Dear _________:

Most people in their first year or two in AA find it can be exhilarating, exciting, challenging, and interesting. They meet new friends. They discover a life without having to hide in a bottle. Their families are proud of them again. They start to think about what they might be able to do in the rest of their life!

And then ... reality sets in!

"Is this it? Is this the rest of my life? No escape from meetings and not drinking?"

It can all start to look a bit daunting and a bit boring. But underneath that is a lurking hint of "Is it worth all this work?"

 Or, even worse, "am I worth all this work?"

You, at nine months, have reached that place where the rubber meets the road. (Statistically, more people slip at nine months than at any other time). You'll either dig in and gain traction or you are headed for the ditch. There is no middle ground. You are either all in - or you're setting yourself to get out. I hate to be so blunt, but I've seen it many times in my now many sober years, and I've also sponsored a lot of people who were too afraid to get real.  

But you are NOT one of those people. I've seen your courage and I've seen your joy in the rooms. Trust me on this, you have only - barely - scratched the surface of everything AA has to offer you in the months and years ahead. Don't ever give up before the miracle - miracles - happen! It's time to buckle down now and get to it. 

You were not in the book study group tonight. Why not? That's where the learning is.

How many zoom meetings are you getting to?

Are you getting to any zoom meetings in other countries? If yes - great! If not, why not? It's a fabulous opportunity to see AA working in the lives of people all over the world. 

Are you working with others? Are you through all 12 steps for the first time? If so, are you sponsoring anyone yet? If not, why not? That's the BEST way to learn what AA has to teach you about fun and joy and recovery and so many other lessons that you can't even begin to fathom yet. 

Get busy. Read more. Dig deeper. As it says in the Big Book, you have just picked up a few gold nuggets scattered around a stream bed. You have to dig for the vein of gold called the Mother Lode. 

It's there ... so start digging.

I send you love and hugs and a big kick in the arse to get moving and motivated again.

We need you, AA needs you, 

YOU need you. 

Sincerely,  OKay