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Made a Decision …

Nothing happens until we decide. When we make a decision our lives move forward.  

 I  recently sent these few suggestions that follow to a struggling sponsee on what to do on those days when our brains want to kill us - or at least to make us miserable. ALL people in recovery from addictions have days like that, some of us more than others. 

Perhaps this list will be a help to you on your next "bad" day?  I hope so - that's why I'm sharing  it:

The List:

1.  Don't believe everything you think!

2.  Mask up and go for a good long walk - rain or shine. Or put on some music that moves your feet and then dance till you drop!

3.  Have you prayed about it? If not, do so. Ask to learn what has triggered you feeling wobbly and then ask for a solution, one that will work for you. Write down any thoughts that come to you. Share them with your sponsor or a trusted AA friend.

4.  Have you read - and then actually thought about what you've just read - from a book that offers a spiritual direction?

5. Have you looked to see where you might be with that AA adage - H.A.L.T.?   (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired).

           Hungry - Have you had enough to eat?  If not. Eat now.

           Angry - Are you pissed off at anyone? If so, why? What can be done to fix it?

           Lonely - Have you called an AA friend or any loved one today? Do so. Your call might just make their day better - and yours.                                                                                         

           Tired - Are you well rested, did you sleep good? If not, take a nap - or go to bed early.

6.  Have you written out a gratitude list with at least 20 items on it? 

              (Yes, you can think of at least 20. Work on it!)

Examples: Is the sun out today? Can you see it? Is it raining? Can you feel it? Will nature benefit from that rain today? Do you have friends? Will you call one or more friend today? Do you live where there is pretty scenery? Are you able to mask up and go out for a walk to enjoy it?

 Is your health good? Give thanks. A lot of people are very ill today.

Do you like your family? Are your parents alive? Ask them about their childhoods. Ask them how they met. Ask them about the best thing that ever happened to them … or the scariest … or the most interesting. Ask them what they’d do over in their lives if they had the chance. Ask them the kinds of questions you’ll kick yourself for not asking after they’ve gone.

Have you laughed today? If not, why not? Laugh at yourself if nothing else shows up to give you a giggle.

And so on ...

7.  If you have a copy of the wonderful book  "Believing in Myself" get it out and read the July 4 entry again. 

8.  In that same book - or other spiritual daily reader - start writing down a list of the dates that really "speak" to you when you read them. Refer to those dates and read them again when you go all wobbly.

9.  Go take a nice hot shower or a long soaky hot bath with something in it that smells nice. Appreciate what a lovely experience that is.

10. Cut some flowers from the garden and fill a vase for them indoors.  Men may balk at this, but science has shown having cut flowers in the house lifts our spirits. Even artificial flowers do!

11. Consider learning a new skill. Write down what it will take to accomplish it: Buying a book on the subject? Finding a mentor? Taking a class? An online video? Then do it! Try it. If you find it doesn't light your fire after a few weeks, think about something else that might interest you instead. Repeat those initial steps with your new project. Keep doing this until you find something you find yourself passionate about - and then enjoy it forever.

12. Pursue something - anything - that interests you, from reading a good book, watching an upbeat movie, enjoying a jigsaw puzzle, dancing around the house, watching something on Telly that you know will make you laugh (QI, Mock the Week, Would I Lie to You, Stand Up Comic performances, etc.), learn how to cook Chinese food, Italian food, Mexican food, Indian food  - or just plain learn how to cook and bake  - then get the ingredients and go for it! 

13. Make a list of all these things you loved to do as a child. A dollhouse? Riding your bike? Fishing? Roller skating? Dancing? Reading? Drawing? Colouring? Try those things again. You will have outgrown some of them, but others will still speak to you as an adult. Enjoy your second childhood. I certainly do! 

13.  Write a letter to any person you are pleased to have in your life and tell them so and why. This can be a relative, a friend, a former teacher, a religious leader, someone in AA, even someone in the government. Mail it to them. Trust me - they will be thrilled and you’ll be happy with yourself, too.

14. Buy a box of gold stars and whenever you note in your diary something you did that took all your courage to do, award yourself a star. Then, when you have a wobbly day in future, flip back through the pages and read what happened every time you get to a star. You’ll feel better about yourself and your recovery in no time.

              Note: Any good sponsor will merely ask you some of the above questions (and others like them) if you call them when you’re feeling wobbly - and then they will make suggestions to help you based on your answers. Doing any one of the above can shift our perception from negative to positive.  We have "a disease of perception" after all!

And then, as we move forward in our recovery, we will start to ask ourselves those questions when we feel out of kilter and before things become worse. We then apply the ones that we think (or now already know) will help us get back on track.

                    That's how "working the program" works. It works - IF (and when) we work it.

          At the urging of friends I have finally decided to change my random blog to one mainly on the topic of recovery from addiction. (A few other pet topics will show up from time to time, however, because Digression is my middle name.) 

          Many of the things posted here will be on recurring themes taken from letters and emails I have sent to AA sponsees and friends over the years of my own recovery. My hope is they will be of help to you, too. 

Blog One follows: 

Zoom Meetings - Some thoughts from an AA Oldtimer about online meetings (and other stuff) during Covid ...         (O.Kay J. - Sobriety date September 11, 1981.) 

I am a 77-year-old No Tech who has attended in-person AA meetings for a few months shy of 40 years. So when Covid arrived and we had to switch to online meetings it was very hard for me. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to do it. I would still rather meet in thatfamiliar room with the steps, traditions and slogans on the wall and our cups of coffee or tea in hand. I miss my AA hugs. 

My dear old brother, Bob S. (sobriety date 3rd April 1981) feels the same. He struggles with the “new” (to us) technology even more than I do, but he gets to his Zoom meetings all the same. After all, what choice do we have? It is now either an online meeting or no meeting for all of us. We must now Zoom for our ongoing recovery or go it alone and risk the ever-lurking possibility of a relapse. 

My first sponsor told me alcoholism isn’t the only progressive, terminal, fatal illness out there, but it is the only one that doesn’t require some often horrific treatments like chemotherapy, or dialisis, or a daily shot of insulin (to name but a few). All I have to do to treat my disease is to get my ass to a meeting. With Zoom meetings being the only meetings on offer at the moment, then a Zoom meeting it must be. 

(Of course, in addition to our meetings, we have to continue working our program by applying the steps in our lives, helping others, reading AA literature, talking with our AA friends and sponsors, and getting through this strange Covid experience One Day at a Time.) 

But I admit it irks me more than a little bit when I hear virtual newcomers saying they “don’t like online meetings, “ and “they’re not the same,” and “I miss our real meetings,” and other whining to that effect. What’s worse, I hear those same remarks from people with long-term sobriety, too. They often stay away from online meetings and, by so doing, set a pretty lousy example for program youngsters. 

But imagine if Covid had come along ten or 20 years ago, when cell phones and PCs weren’t part of our daily reality? Imagine being in lockdown with NO meetings available to us? Where’s our gratitude? 

How about being happy for: 

Being able to zoom into a meeting any hour of the day. 

Having gratitude for meeting new friends in recovery all over the world at the touch of a button. 

Or even (my personal favorite this winter) appreciate not having to leave the house on a cold wet night and navigate icy streets to get to a meeting. 

It’s so easy to forget we all, as our literature tells us, have “a disease of perception.” But we can choose to look for and perceive the benefits of any situation - including online meetings - rather than suck our thumbs and pout about “the good old days.”