Made a Decision (15)

          “The Steps protect me from myself;

the

Traditions protect AA from me.”

All the Traditions dovetail nicely into one another, but none do so more than Traditions Ten, Eleven and Twelve, today's blog topic.

And while every tradition is important to the survival of AA, none are more so than Tradition Ten.

The very thought of misusing the tenth tradition has the power to frighten me.

Tradition Ten: Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy. 

Here's some history you should know, from the book Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, which offers the following information about The Washingtonian Society, a group once established to help alcoholics to recover:

"The Washingtonian Society, a movement among alcoholics which started in Baltimore ... [in the 1850s], almost discovered the answer to alcoholism. 

At first the society was composed entirely of alcoholics trying to help one another. The early members foresaw that they should dedicate themselves to this one aim. 

In many respects the Washingtonians were akin to A.A. Their membership passed the five hundred thousand mark. 

Had they stuck to their one goal, they might have found the full answer. Instead, the Washingtonians permitted politicians and reformers, both alcoholic and nonalcoholic, to use the society for their own purposes.

        Abolition of slavery, for example, was a stormy political issue then. Soon Washingtonian speakers violently and publicly took sides on this question.

Maybe the society could have survived the abolition controversy, but it did not have a chance from the moment it decided to reform all America's drinking habits. Some of the Washingtonians became temperance crusaders. 

Within a very few years they had completely lost their effectiveness in helping alcoholics, and the society collapsed."

It's possible some of our very own ancestors died of our disease after the Washingtonian Society folded, giving our forebears nowhere to turn to for help.

 Dr. Bob and Bill W. were very familiar with the history of the Washingtonian Society and its effectiveness in helping alcoholics. They were also familiar with how that organization crashed and burned. 

They knew about the Oxford Group and its efforts to help alcoholics, too.

The Oxford Group was a Christian organization that taught the root of all problems were the personal problems of fear and selfishness. 

The Oxford Group still reaches out today to alcoholics and addicts with its principles for recovery. AA's founders used and expanded upon those same principles in the writing of our own 12-steps. 

So - as it recommends in our Big Book - our founders made use of what religion had to offer. They also reminded us of the dangers inherent in going outside our own sphere of knowledge by writing Tradition Ten.

Some Bullet Points for Tradition Ten

1. Individual members have every right to hold opinions on any subject, but sharing those opinions at the public level while identifying as a member of AA is an AA no-no. 

2. No individual AA member is “the voice” of AA, either in meetings or in public (no matter how much that member might want to be).

3. Tradition Ten prevents our good ship of recovery from breaking up on the rocks the way the Washingtonian Society did.

Tradition Eleven: Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.

(My note: also on television and every form of social media).

There have been instances in AA’s history of celebrities getting sober in AA, bragging about their sobriety in public while giving all credit to AA, and then later to have a slip - sending them back to drinking (and more ugly headlines over their drunken antics).

Their actions have caused some still-suffering alcoholics to doubt AA’s effectiveness and to never reach out for its help.

Also, many of us non-celebrities are very like one of my own good friends in AA who often says in meetings: "When I got sober I wanted to become famous in an anonymous program."

 Bullet Points for Tradition Eleven

1.  While we may not be celebrities, we may still hunger for attention. Tradition Eleven reins in our eager egos.

2. We can certainly share our experience, strength and hope with friends, family, and those in need of our 12-step help. But we must keep our AA connection quiet on public platforms (newspapers, magazines, videos, personal Facebook pages, television, etc.) by not allowing ourselves to be filmed, photographed or identified by our surnames. 

3. Social Media is of special concern for misuse of Tradition Eleven. I've actually had people post direct reference to my membership in AA on my Facebook page, breaking my anonymity without a moment's hesitation. Perhaps that old AA slogan "Think, Think, Think" should be shared more often?

4. Finally, while I personally believe more people today need to know that AA works in the long term to rehabilitate crazy alcoholics and turn them into productive, useful citizens - in doing so we must still always follow Tradition Eleven on every media platform.

We can share that important message of successful long-term sobriety because of AA, but must still protect our anonymity - and the anonymity of others - in the process.

 

Tradition Twelve: Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, reminding us always to place principles before personalities.

One of the first things we learn in AA is there is a Higher Power in charge of the universe - and it isn't us. 

We take no credit for our sobriety. We tried (and tried, and tried, and tried) to get sober and failed miserably until we "came to believe" there was a power greater than ourselves who could ... and would ... and did ... give us the gift of sobriety. (Even if, in early days, we merely saw that Higher Power as the collective wisdom found in our AA groups).

And we learn over time to rely on Tradition Twelve during those times when sticky problems develop within our home group. We don't get into shouting matches. We pause and remember to put the perfect principles of AA recovery before the desires of our imperfect personalities.

Alcoholics often have great enthusiasm and that’s a good thing when reaching out to another suffering alcoholic with the news they don’t have to drink again, that there is help at hand in AA. But …. (see the second bullet point for Tradition Eleven.)

Bullet Points for Tradition Twelve:

1. An alcoholic in recovery needs to check their ego at all times, especially so when they find themselves thinking “my way or the highway.”

2. “Attraction rather than promotion” is our goal. 

3. The spiritual principles of AA are perfect. We are not.

4. When in doubt, don’t.

 Made A Decision

(14)

The Steps and 12 Traditions and Why we “Work” Them.

Here we are back talking about The Traditions again.

Yay!

This blog is about Traditions Six, Seven, Eight and Nine. And once again, to the critical eye, they can sound boring. Trust me on this, they're not.

          “The Steps protect me from myself; the

Traditions protect AA from me.”

Each tradition became a tradition because they were needed to protect AA from others - and from ourselves - and they often overlap in supporting that goal.

Tradition Six: An A.A. group should never endorse, finance or lend the A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise ...

(and why not?)

... lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

Newcomers to AA can often "fall in love" with the AA program and want to use it to change the entire world.

They forget they're in AA to learn how to be sober, productive and somewhat normal human beings, not societal wrecking balls hell bent on tearing down existing opinions about alcoholism and to replace them with AA doctrine.

Our program history is filled with such enthusiasm, groups wanting to establish huge treatment hospitals, rewrite medical texts, provide housing for all down-and-out drunks and there to sober them up, and so on.

(The book the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions provides you with the full text on such attempts.)

The ranks of recovering alcoholics are filled with many promoters, big dreamers, schemers and hard-chargers. So, in essence, Tradition Six is all about keeping the collective egos of our group members in check.

 "Easy Does It," and all that!

Bullet Points about Tradition Six:

1. An AA group needs to always focus on the actions of its own sphere of influence.  

2. For instance, we don't sponsor the activities of an alcoholic treatment centre, but we can carry the AA message via meetings into such facilities when invited to do so. 

3. We don’t finance other treatment programs, remaining self-supporting to meet our own needs for carrying AA’s own message. 

4.  We don’t brag about A.A. being the only solution for alcoholism. While we do have the best track record in that regard, ours is not the only path to sobriety.

Tradition Seven: Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

Here again we're dealing with balance. Early AA members hoped for big donations from corporations to help them spread the AA message. None came.

Our Higher Power, you see, knew what would happen to our "promoters, big dreamers, schemers and hard-chargers" if they had wads of cash to splash.

Eventually we, of necessity, adopted the more moderate goals of keeping it simple and letting go of our ambitions to allow God to guide us.

(Be grateful.)

         “We can’t think our way through things. We have to live our way through them - with HP’s help and guidance.”

Bullet Points for Tradition Seven:

1. Each group should have a Treasurer. The person having that responsibility should give members a financial report on a fairly regular basis (as determined in a group conscience meeting).

2. If a group is not meeting its financial responsibilities, like rent, purchasing literature, contributing to the General Service Office, etc., the group’s Treasurer must inform the group. Members then can decide on a course of action to improve its financial condition.

3. A group must never borrow money to meet its needs or accept donations from well-meaning, but uninformed, people not affiliated with the AA program "lest problems of money, property or prestige divert us from our primary purpose."

4. The group treasurer should ideally be a member having a year or more of continuous sobriety.

Tradition Eight: Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

The "special workers" referred to in this Tradition are mainly clerical or janitorial.

AA members are NOT therapists, social workers, or treatment experts. Some of us may be employed in those fields, but we don't present as experts to our fellow members.

Within AA we are all just recovering alcoholic/addicts. Our interaction with fellow members is based on our own experience about the strength and hope we've gained from AA's 12-Step program of recovery.

Bullet Points for Tradition Eight:

 1. Service centres (AA offices and clubhouses) sometimes have to employ people to keep up with paperwork, do timely mail outs, clean the facilities, and perform other services where volunteers are not always available (or - sadly - reliable). 

2. Special workers employed and paid for their special services can be AA members, or non-AA members.

3. I have used boldface type in #2 because there is often a lot of confusion in this area in AA groups unfamiliar with our Traditions.

Tradition Nine: A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

AA is very loosely organized, with each group remaining autonomous (self-governing) over its own responsibilities.

For the larger business structure of AA as a whole we rely on - and make financial contributions to - our AA service offices.

Each group elects its own officers, some to handle its own internal affairs (secretary, treasurer, etc.) and others to represent us in district committees. 

Bullet Points for Tradition Nine:

1. We don't attempt to reinvent the wheel. When our group encounters problems we can't fix, we turn to our AA service offices for solutions based on our Traditions and their experience.

2. AA's General Service Offices house the collective wisdom and history of problem solving. It's available when needed to all regional service offices, groups, and individual members.

3. The address for the GSO in the USA is: A.A. World Services, Inc., P.O. Box 459,Grand Central Station, New York, NY, 10163.

4. The address for AA's General Service Office in the UK is: "Alcoholics Anonymous, PO Box 1, 10 Toft Green, York YO1 7NJ. 

5. Outside the USA and UK members are advised to contact the Alcoholics Anonymous General Service Office in their own country.
   

The next blog will be all about Traditions 10, 11 and 12. I can't wait to figure out what I actually know about them. Hoping you feel the same.

 

Made A Decision

The Steps and 12 Traditions and Why we “Work” Them.

          “The Steps protect me from myself; 

  the Traditions protect AA from me.”

Most newcomers to AA find the AA Traditions boring. I was no exception.

But over time I have come to marvel at the miracle contained within them - ie: their ability against all odds to herd cats (alcoholics) into a cohesive, functioning and lasting unit.

The Traditions are our Magna Carta and our Constitution, because they are the outline and blueprint for our governance. They guide us smoothly through all the thorny problems that can arise in any organization.

A glance at the evening news will confirm AA's Traditions appear to work better than the rules and regulations used by the leadership in any of the world nations today.

And yes, I recognize that AA has only one stated mission while governments have many - but still!

Without our traditions we, too, could be at each other's throats. Our program could crumble (as others, like the Oxford Group, did), sentencing us all - old timers, long timers, newcomers, and those yet to find their way to AA - to the deadly threat inherent in our disease.

Learning what the Traditions of AA are, what they stand for, what they do, is as important to the health of our fellowship as our learning and applying the 12 Steps is to our personal recovery.

Like I said - miracle. But we must know our Traditions, and use them, to keep AA safe for us all.

Tradition One: Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity. 

When we gossip about fellow members, when we are unkind to them to their face, when we form little AA cliques that exclude others or indulge in other such behaviors, we run the risk of causing a member to give up on AA and leave the fellowship.

In effect, sentencing them to isolation, suffering and death.

If we are unhappy in our group, if we're caught up in infighting and power struggles there, we can simply walk away and find another group - or start one.

There's an old AA saying: "The only thing we need to start a new group is a resentment and a coffee pot." I've started eight of them.

(Clearly I know a lot about "resentments.")

Groups with ongoing power struggles don't survive.

They may have a "Bleeding Deacon" at the helm, an old timer who won't let go of the reins and wants to control every meeting and the behavior of its members.

Or they may have members who put forth their own ideas of how the group should be run and won't compromise or consider the input of other group members.

A group may struggle with any number of control issues - including members who turn the meetings into social gripe sessions and avoid learning the solutions to their problems.

Groups - even very large groups - may stagger along for quite awhile with these kinds of problems, but in the end their membership will fall away, they will not attract new members, and they will die.

Such groups have forgotten - or never even learned - "Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon AA unity."

Some bullet points about Tradition One:

1. We are very social in AA, but AA is not a social club. 
   

2. We are in AA to stay alive by staying sober. Any behavior that threatens that goal is a danger to AA.

3. Gossip, rudeness, judgments, lies, fault-finding, pettiness, unkindness, thoughtfulness, and etc. can destroy an AA group and/or cause a member to give up on AA and go back to drinking. 

4. Drinking for us is a death sentence and our own bad behavior (see #3) can be a death sentence for another member. 

Tradition Two: For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority - a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants. They do not govern.

Whenever a “trusted servant” consistently tells the group what it needs to do, should do, must do - and ignores input conflicting with their wishes - they can no longer be trusted.

The health of an AA group depends upon its reliance on its Higher Power and not on any one or two members. 

Bullet Points for Tradition Two:

1. A group conscience meeting should always begin with a brief prayer asking for guidance.

2. The views of any person at a group conscience meeting (or any meeting) should be heard with respect and courtesy.

3. Decisions made in a group conscience meeting need to be a consensus of those in attendance.

4. A thank you to our Higher Power (while not always done) is appropriate at meeting's end for all decisions made.

Tradition Three: The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.

That's pretty clear cut, isn't it? You wouldn't think an AA group could get confused over Tradition Three, but historically they have, and may yet again over issues we haven't even thought of yet.

AA groups have become confused in the distant and not-so-distant past about letting women join the fellowship, or gay people, those suffering various mental issues, members of various religious affiliations - and even addicts!

That last one I find hilarious, given that Doctor Bob could write his own prescription for drugs, and did - and that Bill W. once thought everyone should drop acid for the spiritual experience it offered. Our founders were not saints, they were recovering drunks. We're the same.

Some bullet points for Tradition Three:

1. This tradition is our guarantee to newcomers that we are - and will be - here for them.

2. This tradition guarantees we will meet, learn from, and come to love people that without AA we would never have even known.

3. Tradition Three ensures that we will get what we need in AA from the rich exposure to the many and varied people we will find there.

4. From the atheist we learn to ponder our own spirituality; from boring, long-winded or opinionated speakers we learn patience and tolerance; from those with serious life problems we learn gratitude for our own more serene lives ... and the list goes on.

Tradition Four: Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.

This means that my home group needs to keep its nose out of the business of other groups, unless the actions of another group are affecting the health of my own group, or when that group’s behavior has become damaging to all of AA.

Bullet Points for Tradition Four:  

1. AA’s General Service Office has proven solutions (suggestions) for dealing with every kind of group problem that may arise.

2. Any group or group member can contact the General Service Office for information or advice when help is needed.

3. It's a good idea to get that help before things get too far out of hand.

Tradition Five: Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

Despite its very social aspects, an AA group is not a social club. AA meetings are our "medicine;" our insurance against the need for ever picking up a drink again.

Every single AA group throughout the world exists to help suffering alcoholics find their way out of their alcoholic Hell - and to help them remain sober by working the AA program of recovery.

Healthy AA groups meet that primary purpose by offering varied outreach programs to people inside AA and/or in their communities.

These include:

educational workshops for AA members;

sponsoring Fourth Step workshops;

taking meetings into alcoholism treatment facilities;

inviting doctors, nurses, police and paramedics to attend open AA meetings,

hosting community information workshops about AA for the public,

and etc.

Bullet Points on Tradition Five:

1. Is your home group involved in any of the outreach programs given in the paragraph above?

2. If not, why not?

3. Healthy AA groups boost healthy personal recovery.

4. HP didn't get us sober to sit on our arse and do nothing.

5. Our JOB is to help the still-suffering alcoholic as others have helped us.

More good stuff ahead. In the next blog we'll have a look at Traditions Six through Nine.

 

 

Made a Decision

(12)     Steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve.

The Steps and 12 Traditions and Why we “Work” Them.

“The Steps protect me from myself; 

      the Traditions protect AA from me.”

Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Sounds simple, doesn't it? Well ... it is ... and it isn't.

At day's end when we review the day we can pretty much always identify areas where we might have done better. And we can also identify any person(s) we might have been less than kind to, or considerate of, or have offended in any way.

But admit it to them? Make an immediate amend?

That's where the not-so-simple part of this step comes in.

What gets in the way? Pride, perhaps?

Ego? Always. The Steps, however, are designed to puncture false pride and subdue our ego. There's no point in fighting that fact, either. The "lessons" just get tougher when we do. (I speak from experience!)

The one thing I have learned for sure about Step Ten is that my conscience (HP) will nag the hell out of me until I put things right when putting something right is required.

And also, that putting off an amend makes it even harder to do when we eventually - for our own peace of mind - have to make that amend. Like ripping off a bandage plaster, it's best to just go ahead and get it over with quickly.

Here are some bullet points for Step Ten:

1. At the end of the day, either write in a journal or diary, or mentally review, all the things you feel good about having happened that day.

2. Give yourself a gold star for the good stuff! I have even used happy stickers and stars in my journals over the years. Why not?

3. Then consider if there's anything that's happened during the day that doesn't feel good? If there is, remind yourself of the incident. See if you might have handled it better and, if so, resolve to do things that way next time.

4. If the incident harmed anyone in any way, make an amend to that person as quickly as possible. Remind them of the incident and own up to your part in it. 

5.  If someone has made us angry, jot that down, too. Then we look at our part. Did we lash back? Were we passive when we perhaps should have stood up for ourselves? If our own behavior didn't meet our expectations, we resolve to do better the next time this kind of situation occurs. Make a speedy amend if one is needed.

6.  If we have tried hard during any day and failed in our own expectations, we can still give ourselves another Gold star for recognizing it! We don't always succeed at a first attempt.

7. As the 12 & 12 book states: "An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings received, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrow will be the permanent assets we shall seek."

Don't ever give up! Pride, anger, jealousy, passivity, and all the other negative emotions, are deeply rooted and all are part of being human. We learn how to let go of them, one at a time, over time. Staying sober and having high quality sobriety is all about practice, practice, practice - and more practice.

“And then all will be well, all will be well, all will be very well." - Ancient Saying

Step Eleven - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

God is not a cosmic Santa Claus. We will not always get what we think we want, but as long as we continue on our path of spiritual growth we will always get what we need.

Always!!!

Our Higher Power dreams bigger dreams for us than we could ever come up with - work to get out of His way and see what happens!

 Step Eleven - Bullet Points

 

1. Step 11, like ALL the steps, takes practice, practice, practice! A concert pianist learns how to play the scales long before they learn how to perform at the concert level. It’s the same with us in learning to live sober through every situation life throws at us. 

2. Until prayer and meditation have become a habit in our life, we might forget to do them one day. That’s OK - none of us are perfect - tell your HP, “Sorry I forgot you this morning,” and then pick the practice back up again.

3. The same applies  (#2) when we forget to pray before we head into any situation. We can do better next time. Or if we remember in the middle of the situation we can say a little prayer in our head to help us get through the rest of it.

4. There is a difference between contemplation and meditation. Contemplation means to think about what we’re reading or saying as we pray. Meditation is following any practice that will quiet our “monkey minds” and give us a moment or more of silence inside our busy heads. 

5. God speaks to us in the silence. Some people hear a voice. Others just feel a mental nudge in a certain direction - like, “I should call so-and-so today and see how they’re doing,” or “I should maybe try one of those overseas zoom meetings,” or “what can I do to make this day a 10?”

6. The practice of Step 11 will gradually lead us down our very own personal spiritual path to a life we could never have imagined for ourselves. 

7. We will have days where we get discouraged. That’s normal. That’s being a human. But never let yourself STAY discouraged. Keep on practicing what you already know works and you’ll build far more good days for yourself than bad. Keep on doing the doing!

8. Practicing Step 11 develops our ability to “intuitively know what used to baffle us.” And when we “intuitively know” how to deal with situations our lives become easier - and a lot kinder - and even a lot more fun!

    One time a person dear to me told me she had been diagnosed as not having much longer to live. Her husband, a man I wasn't close with, was there as we sat at her kitchen table. 

My friend and I joked and even laughed about our jokes at the situation. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her husband didn't approve and that annoyed me. 

    When my friend excused herself to go to the toilet, he and I sat in silence for a minute or two. But I suddenly - intuitively - put my hand on his and said, "I can see we have upset you. But you need to know that's the only way I can handle pain, by jokes and laughter. I love her, too, you know."

   His eyes filled with tears as he said, "I didn't realize that. I thought you didn't really understand the situation or that you didn't care."

       My point is - my reaction to him had been one of annoyance. My "intuitive" action came directly from my Higher Power, and led to a greater understanding and healing between us. That's what practicing Step Eleven can give us. What a gift!

Step Twelve:  Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

"When the Twelfth Step is seen in its full implication, it is really talking about the kind of love that has no price tag on it." From the book: The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, (AKA: The 12&12.)

I once thought "12 step work" just meant finding "a wet drunk" and offering him or her the message of AA recovery. I quickly learned I wasn't very good at it either. In fact, the first six or seven people to whom I "carried the message" stayed resolutely drunk.

Over time I found that working with a wet drunk wasn't my gift. I have had some success with it over the years, but I've met many other people in the program who do that job very, very well. That's their gift.

We all have different strengths. I don't mind public speaking; I have had a lot of success (and some failures) as a sponsor; I've started a lot of new meetings, many of which are still going strong.

(When I got to AA they often said: "All it takes to start a new meeting is a resentment and a coffee pot." I bought a lot of coffee pots.)

Some people are great at putting newcomers at ease; others chair meetings smoothly; some make sure there's something nice for a snack on hand for an in-person meeting (one old fellow I knew baked brownies to bring to his home group for every meeting); some people can lighten any meeting with their humour; others keep track and call people they haven't seen in a meeting for awhile to make sure they're OK ... and so it goes.

We all bring something to the AA table and what we bring is needed by everyone there. That's what the twelfth step is all about.

Step Twelve - Bullet Points:

“The joy of living is the theme of AA.’s 12th Step and action is its key word.”

1. Be active in AA. Carry the message to the still suffering alcoholic.

2. Be involved in service work.

3.  Persist in daily prayer and meditation.

4.  Experience the greatest joy you'll have in AA - seeing and helping others to recover.

5. Don’t be discouraged by those who won’t be helped. Move on and help those who want what A.A. has to offer.

6. Practice the principles of the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions in all your affairs.

7.  No matter what tough thing may happen, remember others have made it through some truly terrible situations and stayed sober. Taking a drink will only make the situation worse.

8. When lonely - reach out to another alcoholic. They may really need a call from you today. 

9. Trust God that your every need will be met. God did not bring you this far to drop you on your head.

10. Seek not to dominate others nor to hide from human society. Balance is our goal! 

11. Alcoholics are problem people. Living the program gets rid of our problems.

12. Keep on doing the doing.

13. Don’t worry. 

14. Be happy