I am currently reposting all 100 previously posted blogs that contain what I've learned about staying sober. Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. And I can promise you'll have some real adventures along the way!

Keep Coming Back!

If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com

Made a Decision

(6)

Letter to a Sponsee who wandered off into the internet

 

Was sorry to not see you in our meetings last night. The first meeting was all about relapse (two of our members did recently) and it was very powerful. Much to think about and to learn from. We are never free of our disease, you know. It can rear its ugly dangerous head at any time. Vigilance - one day at a time - is our protection. 

 

I suspect you are angry with me for my comments yesterday and that's fine.  I genuinely don't care if we agree about the basics of life ... I say poh-tay-to, you say po-taaa-toe ... you like orange, I like red ... you like the Noon meetings, I prefer evening meetings ... big deal. Our differences are what make people endlessly interesting.

But I will always challenge you - or anyone - when I see lies being perpetuated. 

 

My concern here is about your spreading information about your recent interest in many online conspiracy theories and new drugs being used to combat alcoholism. Such theories can be more interesting and exciting than reality, but anything based on distortion of reality is dangerous. And this is especially so for anyone trying to live by spiritual principles as we do in AA. 

      

Alcoholics Anonymous is all about the truth - that's what the steps are all about. We recognize and acknowledge the truth in Step One, that we are powerless over alcohol; we learn about our own character problems in our 4th and 5th steps; we ask our Higher Power in Steps Six and Seven to remove those defects and allow us to see ourselves and others more clearly; we share the truth about recovery in our 9th and 12th step work - and so on. 

I completely agree with you for the need on more education about alcoholism, especially with younger people. 

I do not agree with you representing AA while handing out pills, or kava jungle juice, or whatever else you might come up with to someone struggling to get sober. That is absolutely not in accordance with AA Traditions. You might as well tell them it's OK to smoke a little crack to help them relax until they find God. 

 Is AA no longer interesting or a priority in your life? If so, you have reached a very dangerous place in your recovery. With zoom meetings we have the opportunity to go to meetings all over the world. I hope you will take full advantage of that. 

 

I am not here to lecture you. I am here as your sponsor, committed to telling you the truth about recovery. And the truth is you are putting other things ahead of sobriety when you don't get to your home group for two weeks. 

 

If you think another AA member would serve you better now in sponsorship, that's fine. I have no ego invested in your recovery. I just want you to stay sober and live to enjoy one positive experience after another in the years ahead. If a different sponsor can help you achieve that, go for it! Take care of yourself and your sobriety. It's the most valuable thing you have.

 

You can be assured I will always challenge you on issues of truth. Lies - even little white ones - are dangerous for anyone, but they can be lethal for an alcoholic. And the most dangerous lies of all are the ones we tell ourselves.

 

All our answers for life as recovering people are based on the honesty found in the steps - learning them and living them on a daily basis is a sure path to better living. That's the one thing I absolutely know for sure.

 

Here's something else I know for sure - You are smart, witty, interesting and just plain lovely. You are a joy to know. But never forget that you need AA  - and that AA needs you!

 

And that’s the truth!

 

I am currently reposting all 100 previously posted blogs that contain what I've learned about staying sober. Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. And I can promise you'll have some real adventures along the way!

Keep Coming Back!

If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com

Sunday, March 21, 2021

 Made A Decision

(5)

A letter follows that was written to an AA friend who had again relapsed, but had recently returned to AA.

Dear __________:

 

You have asked for my thoughts about how you might stay sober this time. Simply put, “It works when we work it.”

 

Recovery is NOT easy. Recovery takes work. But it's good work.

By doing the work we discover how unique and wonderful and perfect we truly are. 

 

Don't believe it? 

 

Why not? 

 

What in you, besides a distorted ego, says you're not worth knowing and accepts that as the truth? That's the one big question for each of us. Doing the work of recovery gives us the answer. 

 

You wrote that you have the book "Believing in Myself" and that you "read it most days." 

Why on earth would you not read it (or another daily spiritual reading) every single day, and think about what you have read, and answer any questions it brings up in your head? 

Today's reading is excellent, addressing self-love - self-love means self-care - and self-care means doing what we need to do to get and stay healthy. 

 

We can't jump a chasm in two jumps, Medear. We're either IN recovery or we're not. We're either applying the steps of recovery in our lives or we're not.

I suggest you make that "decision" we hear about at the start of every meeting, and stay IN recovery. It can't be any worse than what you are experiencing now by so often teetering on the edge. 

 

You’ve said you have no faith there is a God. I had no faith in any kind of God when I got to recovery, either. But one sober day at a time I have found a God that cares for me in my life. 

 

Some people in recovery find their god in an instant. It didn't happen that way for me. It didn't happen overnight. Recovery isn’t all about instant gratification. It is time - sober time - that brings the deeper healing. 

 

My journey to faith was a long hard slog. It took my wanting to experience what many in the rooms clearly had! Their laughter and joy were like spurs to me, sending me onward. But I am in no way unique. It’s there for you, too! 

 

I start every single morning today by taking the first three steps, saying aloud  -- "God, I know that I am powerless and I know that YOU have ALL power. I gratefully, and willingly, turn my will and my life over to your care and keeping, praying only for knowledge of your will for me, and for the power, energy, courage and desire to carry that out today. Please let me serve you today."  

 

It works when we work it.

 

For the record, I prefer our regular meetings, too. But I doubt I'll ever be able to go to one again. I think Covid 19 is going to be with us for a long long time. I'm very grateful, tho, that it didn't arrive in the 1990s, or even the first part of this century, when zoom wouldn't have been an option! 

 

At least we have zoom meetings we can go to, see our AA friends there, and - here's the bonus - make new AA friends from all around the world! I've always found that hearing "the same old same old" in a different accent - or viewpoint - brings a freshness to my own program of recovery. 

 

Big Book thumper that I often am, I urge you to get to as many online meetings as you can, and zoom offers us our regular meetings and meetings around the world any time of our day or night.

 

 I know I'm too young in my own recovery to miss many meetings - so I know for sure that you are.

 

I don't know if any of these hard truths will help you or not, Medear. But I hope there is something in the above that will light the fire for recovery in you that will let you become passionate about yourself and your life.

 

 God doesn't make junk - but we can lose our way in life and not know how perfect we all are. Recovery is the way back to knowing that truth. 

 

And the truth sets us free!

 

I am currently reposting all 100 previously posted blogs that contain what I've learned about staying sober. Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. And I can promise you'll have some real adventures along the way!

Keep Coming Back!

If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com

       __________________________________________________________________ 

Made A Decision 

(4)

Staying Sober No Matter What

The best part of having long term sobriety is to know it’s possible for anything to happen and to know for sure there is no need to drink over it. 

None of us want to experience pain. In our drinking days even the smallest emotional or physical pain would send us straight to the bottle. But in recovery we learn that pain (unwelcome as it always is) brings with it benefits for our growth.

One of our daily readings states: Pain stretches us. It pushes us toward others. It encourages us to pray. It invites us to rely on many resources, particularly those within ...

What we forget, even now, is that we need never experience a painful time alone. The agony that accompanies a wrenching situation is dissipated as quickly and as silently as the entrance of our Higher Power, when called upon.

Over the years I have personally experienced the suicide of close friends; the death of my nephew to an overdose; the brutal murder of one of my sponsees; health issues; the death of my parents; financial loss; personal loss … and the list goes on. 

Sober or not - life, death, and shit - happens.

       My list, of course, overlaps with the lists of others. My nephew who died was the son of my brother, also a recovering alcoholic. My brother didn't drink over his tragic loss. 

The mother of my murdered sponsee, also a recovering alcoholic, didn't drink over her devastating loss. 

My brother and I both lost our parents and our older brother over the years of our recovery and neither of us felt the need to drink over it. 

          Losses are our pain, but we are no longer alone, and when our pain is shared it is made bearable.

       I remember a man in a noon meeting sitting with his head bowed, his hands covering his face as tears slid between his fingers and dropped to form a puddle at his feet. He had learned that morning his daughter and her children had been murdered by her estranged spouse.

He didn't drink over his loss that day, or in any of the days, weeks, months and years that followed.

       I remember when an AA friend lost his only child, his beautiful college-age daughter, to a road accident in which she was killed by a drunk driver. My friend stayed sober. He’s still sober.

      I remember the wracking sorrow when a young sponsee of mine buried her beloved husband, dead of brain cancer, on the morning of what would have been their third wedding anniversary. She didn't pick up a drink. Not then. Not ever. 

I remember another sponsee of mine telling me her own cancer was inoperable. She died a few months later. But she died sober.

I was there when the best friend I've ever had told me she had stage four breast cancer. She stayed sober in all the months of painful treatments that followed and remained sober till the very end.

       Other dear AA friends have lost children, spouses, jobs, friends, pets, parents, siblings and more, so I admit I feel impatience - even anger - when I hear AA members whining and wanting to drink over far, far lesser things than those I've named.

But then I remember - again - that our disease is, above all things, “cunning, baffling and powerful,” and that even the smallest of things can send any drunk back to the bottle when we don't remain vigilant. 

Stay vigilant. Keep sober.