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Made a Decision

(12)     Steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve.

The Steps and 12 Traditions and Why we “Work” Them.

“The Steps protect me from myself; 

      the Traditions protect AA from me.”

Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Sounds simple, doesn't it? Well ... it is ... and it isn't.

At day's end when we review the day we can pretty much always identify areas where we might have done better. And we can also identify any person(s) we might have been less than kind to, or considerate of, or have offended in any way.

But admit it to them? Make an immediate amend?

That's where the not-so-simple part of this step comes in.

What gets in the way? Pride, perhaps?

Ego? Always. The Steps, however, are designed to puncture false pride and subdue our ego. There's no point in fighting that fact, either. The "lessons" just get tougher when we do. (I speak from experience!)

The one thing I have learned for sure about Step Ten is that my conscience (HP) will nag the hell out of me until I put things right when putting something right is required.

And also, that putting off an amend makes it even harder to do when we eventually - for our own peace of mind - have to make that amend. Like ripping off a bandage plaster, it's best to just go ahead and get it over with quickly.

Here are some bullet points for Step Ten:

1. At the end of the day, either write in a journal or diary, or mentally review, all the things you feel good about having happened that day.

2. Give yourself a gold star for the good stuff! I have even used happy stickers and stars in my journals over the years. Why not?

3. Then consider if there's anything that's happened during the day that doesn't feel good? If there is, remind yourself of the incident. See if you might have handled it better and, if so, resolve to do things that way next time.

4. If the incident harmed anyone in any way, make an amend to that person as quickly as possible. Remind them of the incident and own up to your part in it. 

5.  If someone has made us angry, jot that down, too. Then we look at our part. Did we lash back? Were we passive when we perhaps should have stood up for ourselves? If our own behavior didn't meet our expectations, we resolve to do better the next time this kind of situation occurs. Make a speedy amend if one is needed.

6.  If we have tried hard during any day and failed in our own expectations, we can still give ourselves another Gold star for recognizing it! We don't always succeed at a first attempt.

7. As the 12 & 12 book states: "An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings received, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrow will be the permanent assets we shall seek."

Don't ever give up! Pride, anger, jealousy, passivity, and all the other negative emotions, are deeply rooted and all are part of being human. We learn how to let go of them, one at a time, over time. Staying sober and having high quality sobriety is all about practice, practice, practice - and more practice.

“And then all will be well, all will be well, all will be very well." - Ancient Saying

Step Eleven - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

God is not a cosmic Santa Claus. We will not always get what we think we want, but as long as we continue on our path of spiritual growth we will always get what we need.

Always!!!

Our Higher Power dreams bigger dreams for us than we could ever come up with - work to get out of His way and see what happens!

 Step Eleven - Bullet Points

 

1. Step 11, like ALL the steps, takes practice, practice, practice! A concert pianist learns how to play the scales long before they learn how to perform at the concert level. It’s the same with us in learning to live sober through every situation life throws at us. 

2. Until prayer and meditation have become a habit in our life, we might forget to do them one day. That’s OK - none of us are perfect - tell your HP, “Sorry I forgot you this morning,” and then pick the practice back up again.

3. The same applies  (#2) when we forget to pray before we head into any situation. We can do better next time. Or if we remember in the middle of the situation we can say a little prayer in our head to help us get through the rest of it.

4. There is a difference between contemplation and meditation. Contemplation means to think about what we’re reading or saying as we pray. Meditation is following any practice that will quiet our “monkey minds” and give us a moment or more of silence inside our busy heads. 

5. God speaks to us in the silence. Some people hear a voice. Others just feel a mental nudge in a certain direction - like, “I should call so-and-so today and see how they’re doing,” or “I should maybe try one of those overseas zoom meetings,” or “what can I do to make this day a 10?”

6. The practice of Step 11 will gradually lead us down our very own personal spiritual path to a life we could never have imagined for ourselves. 

7. We will have days where we get discouraged. That’s normal. That’s being a human. But never let yourself STAY discouraged. Keep on practicing what you already know works and you’ll build far more good days for yourself than bad. Keep on doing the doing!

8. Practicing Step 11 develops our ability to “intuitively know what used to baffle us.” And when we “intuitively know” how to deal with situations our lives become easier - and a lot kinder - and even a lot more fun!

    One time a person dear to me told me she had been diagnosed as not having much longer to live. Her husband, a man I wasn't close with, was there as we sat at her kitchen table. 

My friend and I joked and even laughed about our jokes at the situation. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her husband didn't approve and that annoyed me. 

    When my friend excused herself to go to the toilet, he and I sat in silence for a minute or two. But I suddenly - intuitively - put my hand on his and said, "I can see we have upset you. But you need to know that's the only way I can handle pain, by jokes and laughter. I love her, too, you know."

   His eyes filled with tears as he said, "I didn't realize that. I thought you didn't really understand the situation or that you didn't care."

       My point is - my reaction to him had been one of annoyance. My "intuitive" action came directly from my Higher Power, and led to a greater understanding and healing between us. That's what practicing Step Eleven can give us. What a gift!

Step Twelve:  Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

"When the Twelfth Step is seen in its full implication, it is really talking about the kind of love that has no price tag on it." From the book: The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, (AKA: The 12&12.)

I once thought "12 step work" just meant finding "a wet drunk" and offering him or her the message of AA recovery. I quickly learned I wasn't very good at it either. In fact, the first six or seven people to whom I "carried the message" stayed resolutely drunk.

Over time I found that working with a wet drunk wasn't my gift. I have had some success with it over the years, but I've met many other people in the program who do that job very, very well. That's their gift.

We all have different strengths. I don't mind public speaking; I have had a lot of success (and some failures) as a sponsor; I've started a lot of new meetings, many of which are still going strong.

(When I got to AA they often said: "All it takes to start a new meeting is a resentment and a coffee pot." I bought a lot of coffee pots.)

Some people are great at putting newcomers at ease; others chair meetings smoothly; some make sure there's something nice for a snack on hand for an in-person meeting (one old fellow I knew baked brownies to bring to his home group for every meeting); some people can lighten any meeting with their humour; others keep track and call people they haven't seen in a meeting for awhile to make sure they're OK ... and so it goes.

We all bring something to the AA table and what we bring is needed by everyone there. That's what the twelfth step is all about.

Step Twelve - Bullet Points:

“The joy of living is the theme of AA.’s 12th Step and action is its key word.”

1. Be active in AA. Carry the message to the still suffering alcoholic.

2. Be involved in service work.

3.  Persist in daily prayer and meditation.

4.  Experience the greatest joy you'll have in AA - seeing and helping others to recover.

5. Don’t be discouraged by those who won’t be helped. Move on and help those who want what A.A. has to offer.

6. Practice the principles of the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions in all your affairs.

7.  No matter what tough thing may happen, remember others have made it through some truly terrible situations and stayed sober. Taking a drink will only make the situation worse.

8. When lonely - reach out to another alcoholic. They may really need a call from you today. 

9. Trust God that your every need will be met. God did not bring you this far to drop you on your head.

10. Seek not to dominate others nor to hide from human society. Balance is our goal! 

11. Alcoholics are problem people. Living the program gets rid of our problems.

12. Keep on doing the doing.

13. Don’t worry. 

14. Be happy