Made A Decision

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

  Staying Sober During Times of Upheaval is

                Part of A.A.’s history.

The world is going through a bit of turmoil right now one could say, what with the threat of worldwide financial collapse; political unrest everywhere sending protestors into the streets; wars in progress or launching; earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, and volcanoes erupting; storms raging; fires burning;

floods drowning, and annual temperatures hell bent on breaking existing records.  

There’s also environmental poisoning of every species, a chemical pollution causing worldwide epidemics of Parkinson’s Disease, asthma, Alzheimer's, autism, various cancers, and more; the overheating of our seas; daily extinction of another wildlife species; fertility issues in our own species … and that’s just the tip of the melting icebergs. 

So it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking this is it. 

This is the end. 

Nothing can get worse than this. No people have ever faced problems like ours. 

But we have, and we will, because that’s life on earth as we know it. 

Every year, every decade, every century there are new and difficult challenges we face as a species - and so far have overcome.

Keeping our mental balance is always a challenge for us drunks in tough times, and boy-howdy are these ever tough times! I have friends in the states with 30-plus years sobriety telling me they’re having drunk dreams for the first time in years! 

But Alcoholics Anonymous was launched to change the world for suffering alcoholics like us in June of 1935, in the midst of the worldwide “Great Depression” that ran from 1929 to 1939 and changed the economic reality for millions.

 

The first copies of the first edition of the A.A. book Alcoholics Anonymous - known by us as our Big Book - rolled off the presses on April 10, 1939.

World War II began on the first day of September that same year. 

Many new soldiers, sober mere months, were sent around the world to destroy fascism without having time to get a Big Book to pack in their rucksack. Many feared those soldiers would drink. They didn’t. A.A.’s fledgling recovery program held firm in the face of the horrors of war. 

And A.A. has held firm through every crisis since.

In October 1962 the world held its breath for 13 tense days before the Cuban Missile Crisis was resolved that had us on the brink of all-out nuclear war. I was 18 at the time and fears generated then were the impetus for my generation to rebel against pretty much everything. 

We took to the streets in demonstrations against the Vietnam War; in support of Civil Rights for all Americans; to protest the multi-threats to our environment that had bird shells cracking under the weight of their parents and rivers so chemically polluted they actually caught fire. 

There were riots. 

Students were shot to death by the National Guard at Kent State University.

The USA teetered on the brink of revolution. 

I remember that chunk of history because I was in the thick of it. But I was a still-drinking baby alcoholic then and didn’t know any anonymous A.A. members who managed to stay sober during that turbulent time. 

But they did. 

I met many who had been right out there staying sober while protesting when I finally did get to A.A., right alongside some WWII veterans who were by then A.A.'s old-timers.

In just my lifetime people in A.A. have feared, faced, stayed sober and survived a rip in the earth’s ozone layer; the homegrown terrorist bombing of the Oklahoma Federal Building; the nightmare of 9/11; our never-endingwars in the Middle East; the near collapse of the world economy in 2008; a worldwide pandemic to kick off

the 2020s, and now the various upheavals around the world outlined at the start of this blog.

Those of us caught up in any events I’ve mentioned here - or multiples thereof - felt at that time it couldn't get much worse. A lot of us are feeling that right now, but it was a lie then and it’s a lie today. 

There is nothing happening right now that can’t be healed. And there is nothing that can’t be made worse by our taking a drink over it. 

It’s very easy to get caught up in the current drama, the fear, the rhetoric, the non-stop barrage of informationabout all of it - much of it false. There’s enough anger and fear around to make anyone crazy, not just us alcoholics. 

I went off the tracks for a few weeks myself recently by filling my head with the latest news bulletins, becoming angrier and angrier in the process. Like any other recovering drunk I can, when stressed, forget my life runs best when my HP, not me, is in charge of it.

From November 2024 until recently I was right there in the 24/7 news cycle at pretty much a 24/7 level, so I’ve had to cut waaaaaay back on my news watching. It really messed with my old alcoholic head … and sleep … and serenity.

We also don’t always recognize when we're off our A.A. beam until we're in trouble. Members in my meetingsheard far too much of my angst, but I’m grateful I was taught staying sober requires us to share - out loud - anything that's wrecking our heads.  As my sponsor says, “We share out loud so we don’t suffer in silence.” 

A.A.’s tool kit always works when we work it, but this truly is a time to test our souls. I can now offer some positivity going forward though, thanks to being reminded to rely on A.A.’s basics during our current events. 

The only time I revert to my true self (that restless, irritable, discontented angry self) is when I attempt to take back control. My God lets me do that, of course, because my free will is part of our relationship. But the exhilaration of running my own show very soon begins to itch, pinch, nag, and ultimately becomes so uncomfortable I can again become willing to hand it back where it belongs.

So I’m mentally good today. Tomorrow isn’t here yet. I’m now taking this experience - like all earlier ones - One day at a Time.

Frequent use of the Serenity Prayer is helping, too, along with remembering to H.A.L.T. 

The majority of A.A. members eventually come to believe in an unseen Power watching over and guiding them. I am one of them. A.A. has given me a God of my own understanding to oversee the revolutionary ongoing changes to improve my behavior. 

Our problems, personal, communal and national, do not arrive to arrest our progress in living a spiritual life. They show up to increase our determination to keep on our spiritual path. They test our strength. 

My friend, Susie Q, says hurting in recovery always causes her to dig deeper into A.A.’s spiritual tool kit and to even be thankful for the lesson itself.  Her prayer has become: “Thank you for the pain. It made me raise my game.” 

We can determine what is within the scope of what we can do, and then do it. When action is called for, we take it.

But it’s always best when we make those determinations, and take those actions, only after we've first checked

in with our Higher Power.

Whatever arrives must be met and I am grateful my HP is always right there in the thick of it with me. Nothing is so bad it can’t be overcome with my HP’s help. 

Gaining that knowledge, learned and earned, lets us regain the gift of serenity so we are again able to help others reach safe harbor during their own testing times.

 This, too, shall pass.

 

Made A Decision

Our Resistance to Change Leads us to Isolation.

       What does it mean to “Isolate?” 

    I was fairly new in “the rooms” and was waxing eloquent in the A.A. clubhouse on something or other that had annoyed me when Handsome Jack, a creaky old-timer who pretty much lived there, suddenly asked,

“How long have you been sober now, OKay?”

       “Three years and some change,” I said, proudly. “I’ve almost got three and a half years.”

Jack looked at me for a long moment, then shook his head slowly before saying:

“Sheee-itt, kid. I don’t even let anyone into my yard with less than five years.”

I sulked with hurt feelings for a long time over that remark, but today I find it hilarious.

That’s because now I, like Handsome Jack then, am continually amused and amazed at the topics A.A.’s younger members find to do battle over. 

By “younger” I don’t mean age on the calendar, either, I mean time in recovery.

There are some very young sixty-plus folks around the rooms ready to fight over nonsense.

Here’s one I heard just today. That those who attend only zoom meetings are “isolating.”

(Facts, please. Fewer opinions.) 

In the big fat dictionary is defines isolate as - A person who chooses to remain alone or apart from others.

Also, a place away from society.

But that's not A.A.'s definition.

For us isolating means to go home, go inside, lock the door, pull up the drawbridge, not answer the phone (or emails, or messages), and sulk

oneself into a state where having a drink might start to look like a good idea. 

Isolate does NOT mean to go home, go inside, lock the door, turn on the

computer and log into an A.A. Zoom meeting anywhere in the world at any time. That is NOT isolation. That is recovery. That is fellowship. 

Zoom meetings are a true miracle of technology and a huge blessing we in A.A. gained during the terrifying worldwide Covid pandemic.

I absolutely know what alcoholic isolation feels like. I did it once or twice in my early recovery. It sucks. It’s dangerous. But it feels “normal” when we are mad at people and don’t yet know any better way to deal

with our wounded feelings. 

There’s also that other word: Solitude - to be in one’s own company. 

Google says solitude is beneficial, because: 

• It allows you to learn more about yourself and find your own voice.

• It empowers you to become comfortable with who you are.

• It boosts your creativity.

• It gives you an opportunity to plan your life.

• It improves your mental wellbeing.

While solitude actually can be isolating, the word as generally used in A.A. means to withdraw from society in order to contemplate, create, and enjoy our own private pleasures like jigsaw puzzles, painting, baking, reading, sewing, wood carving, music making  … or whatever we please that pleases us.

People in A.A. can - and do - sometimes confuse the meanings of “isolation” and “solitude,” because we can - and do - sometimes view the world differently. 

Here's an example:

One of my best A.A. friends (recently deceased) was a social butterfly. She was happiest in the company of others and felt any day she hadn’t left her home to hang out with other people was a failure. 

(She’s no doubt filling her time in heaven with social gatherings and having a ball.)

I am not a social butterfly. 

While I very much enjoy being with people, I enjoy the hell out of my solitary pursuits, too. 

Neither one of us was wrong. But in our early recovery my friend often accused me of “isolating,” and guilt-dragged me to events I had no interest in attending. To be fair, I did benefit from a couple of those events,

but solitude in my case was only rarely isolation, which she found hard to understand (or believe), because my treasured solitude would have made her miserable. 

But getting back to Zoom meetings ... During the first Covid lockdown we in A.A. weren’t sure newcomers would even show up at our Zoom meetings. 

When, to our surprise they did, we weren’t sure they’d be able to stay sober. 

Wrong on both counts. 

Our “Zoom babies” now number in the thousands and are doing just fine “in” the fellowship, whether they ever go to an in-person A.A. meeting or not. 

Most will go, just out of plain curiosity, and most will stay. Because in-person meetings are special, offering as they do, hugs, cookies and warm and comforting

hugs-in-mugs to wrap our hands around.

Some, however, will prefer to stay only in Zoom meetings. 

Others will keep going to both kinds of meetings. 

There is no wrong decision here - as long as we drunks continue going to meetings! 

I’d rather go to a solid Zoom meeting any day than an in-person one filled with high drama and cruel gossip, where members continually moan about their problems instead of seeking solutions to them in our Big Book

and 12 & 12. 

The nearest in-person A.A. meeting from me now is an hour’s drive away and I no longer drive. Even if I did, I wouldn’t be willing to risk life and limb when the fog is thick or ice builds on the bridges in those high mountain passes where I now live 

But am I active “in” A.A.? 

I am. 

I am in contact with the fellowship every single day through email and messaging; have a home group where I am active; work on online recovery workshops and - best of all - attend a minimum of four worldwide Zoom meetings every week. 

Some of my Zoom friends have come to visit me here in Portugal. One will be here this summer. Most, however, I will probably never meet in person, but we have built solid friendships regardless. My life has been enriched by each and every one of them.

Zoom meetings offer us a smorgasbord of recovery from around the world. They let us see our program isn’t limited to those same-old, same-old gatherings, where we hear the same people sharing their same-old, same-old message once again. 

There's nothing wrong with that, and we do learn from those meetings, but expanding our horizons can also expand the quality of our sobriety.

Zoom meetings come in all the A.A. flavors for recovery including book study meetings, topic meetings, general sharing, speaker meetings, and so on. Zoom meetings are in no way isolating, they are enhancing. And  …

but … 

now I think …

I’m going to have to stop and back away from the computer, because

it feels like I’m starting to rant a wee bit, and ranting is one of those

character defects I’m still working on ...

 

Made a Decision 

At the end of the day the pawn and the king go back in the same box.

                There Are No Big Deals

I once heard someone say about a woman I admired, “She wears the world like a loose garment.” 

I’ve been trying to do that ever since - with varying degrees of success.

In early recovery I left a lot of tire rubber on the pavement of the parking area outside the A.A. clubhouse when I left meetings in a fury.  I lived life under the huge burden of my “I’m right and you’re wrong” mentality that kept any hope of finding lasting serenity at arm’s length.

In other words my skin was then as thin as cheap toilet paper. 

I can vividly remember being annoyed when I first heard A.A.’s Rule 62, the one that says: Don’t take yourself too damned seriously.

And I wasn’t real thrilled with that other homespun A.A. saying either: We alcoholics are sensitive people. It takes some of us a long time to outgrow that serious handicap.

But I would also hear those A.A. members I most admired say things like, “Don’t sweat the small stuff … and it’s all small stuff.”

They lived by that. 

And I wanted what they had. I wanted their lives of relaxed laughter and casual wisdom. 

My thoughts and actions then were filled with the desire to change others, to make them see things MY way - especially those things that were important to ME.  Like everything else in my SLOW-briety it took me a long time to let go of my habitual knee-jerk reaction to things I didn’t agree with. 

I had yet to learn that intolerance, impatience, jumping to conclusions, and even depression - along with every other negative attitude I carried - were just habits.  

I also had to learn our bad habits must get replaced with good habits if we want all the recovery that’s promised us. 

We do it by first becoming aware of our thoughts and then, when we learn to spot those negative ones, to replace them with those more positive. 

I tossed that last remark off like it’s easy, didn’t I? 

But it isn’t. It’s part of the “work” in “working the program” we hear about in our meetings.

An A.A. friend of mine reminded me of that work recently when he talked about staying inside his own hula hoop to deal with those things he could change and leaving those things he couldn't outside of his sphere. 

I was pretty het up at the time about the political situation in my homeland, and I had been het up for weeks over it, but one of the gifts A.A. has given me is for recognizing the truth when I am finally able to hear it. I am so grateful this is so!

I had been angry at those who didn’t think like I did and I was ready and eager to fight them over it. The hula hoop comment made me step back to study what I could actually do about the current situation (and become embarrassed by all my current ranting and raving).

I hadn’t enjoyed a good bout of rage since 2016, yet I slipped on that old battered, but still comfortable emotion, the same way I can slip on my old, but still comfortable, bedroom slippers - without giving either a second thought.

What I have now done - thanks to the tools of A.A. and the messages my HP gives me through the voices of other members - is write a list of actions I can take, along with a reminder of where my power ends. 

Doing so has given me the gift of acceptance and mental clarity. 

Learning to ignore those things I cannot change (others) and focusing on changing the things I can (me) is the only path I’ve ever found to having any inner peace. Peace is negotiable on a daily basis just like every part of our recovery. We can choose it, or not. It’s up to us.

And I can share this because I absolutely have come to understand, “We teach what we most need to know.”

I once had a lot of anger at men, having been deeply hurt by their indifference or lack of understanding of those things that mattered to me as a feminist. Violence against women, reproductive rights, equal pay for equal work being just some of them.

 I was angry at the sexist language in A.A. literature, too.

But being angry at all men about feminist issues - that didn’t impact them so they didn’t think about them all the time like I did - just made me miserable. 

I had yet to learn that educating them - without anger - was, and is, something well within my hula hoop. 

I do that today whenever there is an opportunity to do so, but I don’t get upset when they don’t immediately change to meet my expectations. Change takes time for them just as it does for me. 

 Only our HP knows what’s needed in any situation to bring about change for the better. Sometimes there’s a pretty bumpy ride during that process, but hindsight gives us a 20/20 view of those things we once thought disastrous that turned out to be blessings. 

The alcoholism that brought me to A.A. being my biggest one.

  I am only just beginning to understand the saying  -

                         In all things give thanks.

When I drank I wanted you to like me. That was my goal and my “opinions” only held firm until I learned you held different ones. Then, like a windsock, my opinions would swing to become the same as yours. 

I also hated that trait in myself.

In recovery I have learned who I am and what I stand for, qualities I had always admired in others. I have solid opinions today on a number of issues, backed by my study, research and critical thinking. Having opinions is a good thing. Our opinions define us. We need to know what is important to us. 

I share my opinions with the hope it will have a positive impact on others, but not to be angry when it doesn’t. Being angry and frustrated with those who don’t share our concerns just gives them power while taking away our own. 

Besides, those very people may be the ones with the most to offer us in other areas. We must always weigh what we are receiving from others against what we are demanding of them.

Honing our sense of humor helps! 

I live next door to my daughter. She and I share a lot of the same interests (and opinions), but we could not possibly be more different in the way we go about living our lives. Fortunately we can make jokes and laugh about our differences 95-plus percent of the time. 

I am wary of those who can’t laugh at themselves. Learning to do so in my case means I at least always have something to laugh about. 

Bill W. himself once said, “As I get down to my right size and stature, my self-concern and importance become amusing.” 

As always, Bill nailed it!