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Made A Decision

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                                            H.A.L.T.

When we get frazzled our AA friends will sometimes caution us to H.A.L.T., reminding us of the dangers in allowing ourselves to become too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," was always my first response to these little AA homilies when still in my early recovery, but I've since learned these seemingly trite sayings only become part of AA's legacy because they are so bloody true.

We will discover (over time) that when we find ourselves annoyed, anxious, confused, sad, fatigued or furious, most likely one (or more) of the letters in the word HALT is the root cause of our distress. 

Take hunger for instance:

 

Alcoholics tend to be either-or people. We can often fix schedules for ourselves so tight there's not enough time to get everything done ... so what can we jettison?

Too often it's a meal. 

"I'll eat when I get home," we say. And then our day keeps on going past tea time and all the way into late night without a bit of anything nourishing crossing our lips. 

(Oh, we might grab a bag of crisps or a candy bar along the way, but junk food doesn't fuel our bodies or satisfy real hunger, it just take the edge off for a bit).

Ever heard of blood sugar fluctuations? Guess what? Long stretches of time without eating or staying properly hydrated can cause them, leading to huge mood swings, shortness of breath, confusion, dizziness, blurred vision, vomiting, seizures ... and the list goes on.

Did you notice that first one? That huge mood swings one? 

Mental balance is what all of us in recovery are aiming for, because first and foremost, having huge swings in mood can undermine our determination to stay sober. The low end of those mood swings can trigger the statement "What's the use?"

 And that can be fatal to people like us.  

Low moods lead straight to self-pity and self-pity can lead to that other old AA saying: "Poor me, Poor me, Pour me a drink."

So when it's time to stop and eat, stop and eat already. 

Your body and brain will thank you for it.

Anger:

 

Alcoholics readily go to anger, aiming it at others or turning it inward at ourselves. I was an outer. 

When I got to AA I could start a fight in an empty room. Or, as one AA friend who is very much like me recently shared, "I was so angry when I got here I would have drowned your goldfish."

It can take a long time to overcome our triggers leading to rage and anger, so learning to avoid situations that can cause them ... hunger and fatigue being big ones ... is in our own best interest. 

(And it's certainly a benefit to those who have to be around us!)

Those in recovery who turn their anger inward on themselves put themselves at risk for massive depression, a depression that can lead to suicide. 

Too dramatic? Nope. 

Many struggling alcoholics go for that permanent solutions to their temporary problems. I have personally known a number of people in AA who ended their lives with a bullet, at the end of a rope, or took a header off a cliff. Others chose the longer and more brutal way out ... they drank.

Anger is dangerous to an alcoholic. Drinking alcoholics can turn homicidal. They are often charged with domestic abuse. They can be the root cause of deadly road rage. They can commit crimes in an alcoholic blackout and not even remember them. When they say so, lawyers, judges, partners, friends and the public - those having not experienced a blackout - won't believe them. 

A blackout is when we drink and drive and seduce and otherwise behave irresponsibly and have absolutely no memory of our activities when we sober up. 

Not all alcoholics have blackouts - but medically, no non-alcoholics have them. So if you are still wondering if you really are an alcoholic and have had alcoholic blackouts, worry no more. You are one of us.

 Alcoholics who are no longer drinking really do need to find ways to deal with their anger - from counting slowly to ten to avoid losing our temper, taking long walks to blow off steam, or even by doing that last thing we usually think of - asking our Higher Power to help us cool down.

Anger can kill. It's best we avoid it.  

Lonely:

Alcoholics often say they're lonely when what they mean is they want to be in a committed romantic relationship. 

The problem is, we usually don't arrive in AA on a winning streak when it comes to romance. 

As we often hear in the rooms of AA - "I didn't take lovers. I took hostages." 

And we did. 

And we do. 

We're so afraid of NEVER having a relationship again that we jump into relationships that should never have happened in the first place. Dating is a horrible uncertain experience for many of us. We want to get past the dating to when we can lock him/her down. 

Many marriages between alcoholics happen within three months of them meeting. In my case we met at the end of February and married on April 19th. We then then devoted the next eleven years to the kind of marriage where the police were called to settle marital disputes.

Romance is slippery ground for us. More people lose their sobriety over relationships gone bad than to any other cause. (That's a personal observation over my time in AA, but I'd bet cash money actual statistics will bear me out.) And I don't preach from the mountain top. I've learned the hard way it's far worse being inside a painful relationship than doing without one for a time. 

Learning who we are, what we like, what we want - all the things recovery teaches us - is the true gateway to finding finding a person who will love and support us in the ways we most need, not just another sparring partner.

We attract what we are. Become the best version of yourself by using the AA toolbox. Better days lie ahead!

Lonely people have not yet learned they are terrific company in and of themselves. 

Nor have they yet connected with their Higher Power in a way that takes away their lonliness. 

These are two of the many gifts recovery offers us ... we just have to have a bit of patience to discover them.

But alcoholics are impatient by nature. We "want what we want when we want it." Learning patience is part of our recovery. And when we're feeling lonely the cure is as near as a meeting - zoom or in person.

 

Even just a phone call to another person in recovery can lift our spirits and wrap us up in the cozy feeling of belonging. Try it the next time you find yourself searching in the attic for that ball and chain left from your last failed relationships, the hobble you are now hoping to attach to someone new. 

Tired:

Kids are honest about their feelings. Babies raise hell when they're hungry or tired. Toddlers even throw tantrums. Sadly, so do we.

Being T (tired) ranks right up there with H.A.L. in being dangerous for an alcoholic. But many of us have trouble sleeping. Insomnia can be part of our mental wiring. I know I have always had it. Not so much now, but it can still flare up from time to time. 

And in today's world a lot of jobs require shift work, where we work around the clock. I've worked shift work and I guarantee it can absolutely fuck up your sleep patterns.

 I did a lot of research on this for a book I wrote some years ago, but it all boiled down to this:

 "People who work differing shifts never adjust fully to a single schedule. Their brains, to meet work demands, must fight off sleep, and then, when that over-stimulated brain is finally laid to rest on a pillow, it often resists sleep - making a full 'night's' sleep impossible."

Within my lifetime (77 years worth as of this writing) our species has - worldwide - completely changed sleep habits that have existed during humankind's entire evolutionary process. No wonder we're tired all the time!

 And when alcoholics become overly tired our moods shift downward into angry, sad, lonely, or being generally negative about all aspects of our lives. It isn't a very big leap from there to climbing back inside a bottle.

Some of us need eight or more hours of sleep to function well, and that's OK ... even in a world where almost everyone we meet is running around on six hours sleep or less. Getting enough sleep is part of self-care and it's a sign of good mental health to make being well-rested a priority.

One of the interesting side effects of the Covid 19 pandemic has been in forcing people into lockdown and thus, by default, forcing them to slow down. Two of my sponsees, who resisted my every suggestion they try for a slower paced life, have told me they now understand that concept because of their time spent in lockdown. 

But others in lockdown (many of them in my own family) haven't learned a thing about becoming human beings rather than humans doing. 

I wish I had learned to slow my life sooner. I had all the information, but I am nothing if not hard-headed and resistant to doing anything that might actually be good for me. 

Don't be a me.

I lived a fast-paced adrenaline-fueled existence for much of my life. I now live a life where smelling the roses is actually doable. From those experiences I have learned -  just like when having good sex - slow really is better.