OKaysez

 

I am currently reposting all 100 previously posted blogs that contain what I've learned about staying sober. 

Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. 

And I can promise you'll have some real adventures along the way!

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Made a Decision
Most of this first printed - Monday, May 3, 2021 

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                          Steps Six, Seven, Eight and Nine. 

      “The Steps protect me from myself; the Traditions protect AA from me.”

Step Six - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

I wasn't entirely ready when I first did Step Six, but I was ready to get rid of my most 

glaring defects, the ones that clearly were causing me problems. Apparently that was

 enough to start with as it kept me sober. 

In the time since I've released others to my Higher Power, to the best of my ability,

as they became evident to me. 

But a sponsor of mine once gave me a coffee mug bearing a slogan that read: 

"Anything I've ever surrendered had my claw marks all over it."

Sadly, that has remained pretty much true throughout my entire sober journey. 

In the beginning that was because I didn't always recognize when my character 

defects had returned to wreck my serenity. 

Today, while I've become slightly better at seeing them, I still don't always recognize when my character defects have returned to do damage.

In complete conflict with our literature, I somehow early on believed the Sixth (and 

Seventh) Steps were a one shot deal. I would surrender my character defects the

 same way I had surrendered my alcoholism and - hey presto - I'd be free of them. 

Not so. 

The removal of our desire to drink, once it truly has been removed, is a gift. It is

actually a one time event (unless we willfully fire up the whole mad craving for 

booze again by picking up a drink). But the removal of all our other defects takes 

both vigilance and work.

Our literature tells us we will never be rendered white as snow and that our character

 defects, like our addiction(s), are removed only on a daily basis - contingent upon the

 maintenance of our spiritual condition. 

I have come to believe this means I must do the first three steps every morning, to 

actually pay attention when I do them, and to make use of all the other steps as 

needed, whenever they're needed. 

Bullet Points for Step Six:

Having now done your Fourth and Fifth Steps, you have identified your obvious 

defects of character. Ask yourself if any of these defects have served you well?

 Have any of these defects - anger, resentments, dishonesty, whatever - ever led 

to a drinking binge in your past?

Would it serve your sobriety and your loved ones if those character defects were

 gone?

Are you willing to let them go to the best of your ability?

If so, you have a partner in your Higher Power who supports you in that, so it's  

time now to move forward with Step Seven ...

Step Seven - Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Humbly? Now there’s a new word for most alcoholics. 

It means: "In a way that shows or suggests a modest or lower estimate of

 one’s importance; as in - the servant bowed humbly before his master."

Becoming humble does not humiliate us. Humble and humility are two very 

different words with very different meanings. 

Humiliation feels awful; humility feels right.

Trust your gut. 

Alcohol may have given us many occasions (and actions) causing us humiliation,

but learning humility gives us a right attitude toward “A Power greater than 

ourselves.”

Bullet points for Step Seven:

Chances are good before coming to AA we had tried every way we could think of to 

stop drinking - and failed.

Asking a Power Greater than Ourselves to save us from ourselves gives us our first 

good experience of humility. So it's now time to again "bow humbly before our Master" and ask for our shortcomings to be removed. Your life will become much easier for it.

Many of our shortcomings are hard-wired in. Some defects require many times more than one surrender. Just like our craving for alcohol, keeping them at bay is also "contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition." It's a one day at a time process.

Step Eight - Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

There's no ambiguity about Step Eight. It's time again for pencil and paper ...

Fortunately, most (perhaps all) of the people whom we have harmed we have

already identified in our Fourth Step. They're the ones we generally had huge 

resentments against.

Bullet Points for Step Eight:

Dig out your Fourth Step and write down the people written in there on your Step Eight list. Add any other people whose names have come to mind since writing your Fourth Step. Make a notation beside those people with whom you still have contact. That's your priority list. 

Make the amends on your priority list and then find those you may need to locate. Some will no longer be in your neighborhood, town or city. Once you locate them, if it's feasible to connect with them in person, make an appointment to do so.

 If they live in distant states or countries, set up a Facebook or Zoom appointment. 

Sometimes we may even have to just write them a letter. Letters aren't ideal, but an 

amend letter is far better than not making a needed amend.

Don't be surprised if people needing your amend show up out of the blue!

 Make your amends immediately when they do - and stay awed on how your Higher 

Power set this up. 

Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when 

to do so would injure them or others. 

Of course it's scary. I've never met anyone eager to do Step Nine, myself included.

 But I've never found more relief in my life than I've had after making a much-needed 

amend.

Amends will be required throughout our recovery. With the best of intentions, being 

human, we'll still get angry, still put our wants over the needs of others, and still behave badly to others on occasion. 

The "spirit of rebellion" is strong in us.

We'll know an amend is needed when we can't shake the thought of a person, especially if that person insists on renting space in our brains when we're trying to sleep. 

No matter how we may try to justify to ourselves that no amend is needed, odds are one is. So pray for the right words, make the connection and just do it.

You'll sleep better for it!

Helpful tip: Use “I messages" in your amends. An "I message" conveys personal 

responsibility and not blame.

 Example: I regret how my alcoholism caused this rift between us," is an "I message."

A "you message" - will sound something like: “If you had tried to have more understanding of my alcoholism there would never have been a problem between us.” 

See the difference?

 "I messages" work very well in life situations of all kinds. They have a way of smoothing out life's bumps. We are wise when we cultivate the habit of using them.

Most people will accept your amend with good grace, some will not. No worries.

Your actions may never repair a fractured relationship (although some will improve 

over time), but they will always bring about more healing for you.

Bullet Points for Step Nine:

 Meet with each person on your list, one by one. A facetime online meeting will work

 just fine. Pray for clarity and healing before each meeting and then have at it. 

Clean up your side of the street. 

Be truthful, unless a particular truth would cause pain to that person or someone 

they value.

There’s no need to mention their part in any problems that have arisen 

between you, stick with your contribution to any estrangement.

Tell them your regrets for what having the disease of alcoholism has caused between you.

Explain how living the program of AA - one day at a time - is bringing a healing to you 

and to people important to you.Thank them for their time in listening today. 

Do this with every person on your list.

Note: Many people write an amend and read it at the graveside of people they have 

harmed who have passed. If you think that will bring you some comfort, do it.

In next week's blog we'll have a look at Steps 10, 11 and 12.

 I can hardly wait!