Made a Decision
Alcoholism is a progressive illness, a play in three acts of social drinking, troubled drinking, and merry-go-round drinking.
As drinkers we often land in hospitals or jails. We may lose our homes, families, jobs and self-respect - but, despite all losses we kept on drinking.
The final act can find us either in an insane asylum, prison, the morgue - or - our finding a way to live in total abstinence from all mind-altering chemicals, including the deadly drug ethanol found in booze.
Most alcoholics on the abstinence train get on board in AA, but I recently heard that only one in every 26 of us stay there for the long haul.
And I already knew most alcoholics never even get to AA to have a shot at it.
What about you?
Will you be the one in 26 who holds tightly to their decision to never take that first drink no matter what?
Will you realize the most important possession you have is your sobriety? So much so that you'll do whatever it takes to keep it?
That's where "working the program" comes in.
That's when every single day we again make that decision to stay sober.
That's when we do the steps; and then do them again whenever a second look is needed;
and when we carry the message to others;
when we have a sponsor; a home group;
and when we practice, practice, practice "living the program" by daily using the tools of recovery.
That's when the changes not only start to happen - they continue happening.
Good news - it gets easier with practice!
Toddlers don't learn to walk by giving up the first, second, or even hundredth time they fall onto their little nappy-padded baby butts. They pull themselves up and practice, practice, practice this walking thing again and again.
Top athletes, musicians, artists, dancers, etc. only get to be the best by practice, practice, practice.
We must practice living life on God's terms, too! Then, just like a rosebud, we will slowly open up, petal by petal, to a new and better life. We become beautiful in recovery
(and we smell good, too!)
When we drank and/or drugged for years, or even decades, we shouldn't expect to change overnight the behaviors that got us to our point of desperation.
But we often DO expect it
and become frustrated when that doesn't happen immediately.
Many will give up and drink over it.
Bur when a mega-ton ship going at top speed has to come to a stop, it takes roughly two miles to manage it. Just like bringing that kind of tonnage to where it can safely change course, it takes us time and distance to be comfortable with our new direction for living.
There's our own momentum to deal with for starters. Alcoholics are notorious for living life on fast forward. We are excitement junkies. And when adrenaline is one of the few drugs left to us, we'll often even ramp up its use.
Doubt it?
Do you regularly leave the house five minutes or more later than you should to get somewhere on time? Even knowing how long it takes to get there? Do you then drive impatiently through traffic, fume at stoplights, take chances when overtaking ... and finally arrive right on time after downing shot after shot of that pure adrenaline?
Many of us do just that, until we learn that our home-grown adrenaline (like any other drug when abused) is truly very bad for us.
It takes time to "become a human being and not just a human doing."
It takes time to change behaviors that used to work for us, but no longer do.
It takes time to let go of high drama and become comfortable with serenity.
So relax and just keep doing-the-doing. When we don't drink, go to meetings and work the program to the best of our ability, recovery will prevail.
I wrote the following about some of these thoughts just recently.
I've written some quite good poems in my life once or twice, but this isn't one of them.
It's pure doggerel, but it sums up SLOWbriety:
The Narrowing Way
The highway is broad at the start, wide and encompassing.
It's a welcome home moment, scarey, but brief.
No garments are rendered, no ashes, no fasting
Just a few simple steps to bring us relief.
A new way to live, one of hope, even glory
But trust me on this,
there's more to this story.
We'll soon find a sponsor for guidance and teaching,
Where we learn to rely on another.
First sponsor, then God, and with minimum preaching
we then share what we've learned with each other.
Not ‘cause we want to, it’s just that we must.
That's how we learn that in God we can trust.
Truth-telling, while sharing, get us quite far,
While resentments bring dangers that breed.
Secrets now sicken and anger's the bar
where our negatives all go to feed.
One by one we release them, first our anxiety.
Our path becomes clear when we just want sobriety.
Days become weeks, weeks become months,
The more we examine, the more there's disclosure.
“It’s all good,” we say. "It's good on all fronts.
The lessons we've learned to keep ourselves sober."
And soon we will sponsor to teach what we've earned.
Passing to others what we've gratefully learned.
Against all the odds we have found our life's place,
With miracles seen as routine.
The hand of AA gave us this safe space,
(Where our strongest drug now is caffeine).
And "God talk" that's shared is no longer a platitude,
It's the source of our hope and the roots of our gratitude.
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