OKaysez

 

Made A Decision

                    When Bad Times Arrive

On that August day in 2010 there were police cars, a forensics van, crime scene tape, people huddled together in the blistering heat and Christy's two small dogs panting with nervousness on the front lawn. 

My head struggled to compute.

I had arrived at the home of my sponsee to house and pet sit for a couple of days while she went on an out-of-town job interview.

 

There would be no job interview. Christy had been murdered.

I remember every detail of that horrible day in technicolor, but I won't inflict those brutal details into your psyche. Just know that those of us in recovery who knew and loved her didn't drink over our loss, including her own mother.

 Instead, in the days following Christy's death, we circled our wagons, took care of her beloved pets, dealt with the police, stayed with her Mom, and held one another up. We went to a lot of meetings. 

We didn't drink - because we were there to help one another get through it.

I spoke at her packed tear-wracked funeral. But there was laughter, too, as we remembered Christy's own dry humor. We all knew what we had lost in the horrible death of our sober friend, but we also knew she would never, ever, want us to drink over our loss. 

No one who knew her did. To drink would have dishonoured Christy's memory. Instead, because we were sober, we could be there for all that had mattered to her.

Out of every experience of grief or suffering, when our Higher Power seems distant or absent, we discover new strengths within ourselves to see us through. We are then better able to help others get through their own tough times.

We all want to live happily-ever-after every single day of our sober lives. Sadly, life doesn't work like that. While it's true a sober life offers us wonderful opportunities, amazing friends, and "a life beyond our wildest dreams," it also carries with it "life lessons," and some of them can be harsh.

The good news is, when tough stuff shows up, so does our Higher Power, along with our AA friends and all the tools for living a good sober life we've learned in recovery.

We often hear the saying "God never gives us more than we can handle," and while that is actually true, it sure as hell doesn't feel like it in the really bad times. 

But those tough times are our strengthening times, our growth times, our testing times, and sometimes our opportunities for offering our greatest service to others. 

A clay pot always remains a clay pot until it's bathed in fire to become porcelain. 

When we live long enough we experience loss. 

Loss of friends. Loss of parents. Loss of a job, family members, a house, beloved pets. No one gets off scott free. Pain comes to us all. The revelation to us is - we don't have to drink over any of it. 

 

Instead, pain, suffering, grief, fear and loss all drive us to our knees where we once again find the Holy Presence to lift us. When we are in a situation beyond our heart and mind's ability to understand, we become able to reach a deeper level of spiritual understanding. We surrender to accept - and to learn.

We then can take the understandings that develop and put them to use in service to others. 

It's the same lesson - force ten - that we had when we surrendered to a Power Greater than Ourselves our desire and compulsion to drink. 

I can't promise anyone they can stay sober through pain until I've stayed sober through my own. And I have. And I will. And you can, too. 

Yesterday I had an interesting day. It was filled with AA friends from all over the world, much laughter, a great online meeting, sunshine lighting up my garden, a letter from my just-turned-21-year-old grandson, music drifting up from the village festival in the valley below our mountain - and news of the death of an AA friend in Ireland.

So my yesterday was one of connection, an AA meeting, being outdoors, family news, humor, music, glued together with loss and sadness. 

One Day at a Time that's just what life is, a mixture of emotions in which we seek to understand the heart, mind, and will of our Higher Power - and of ourselves.