Made A Decision   

For when our brain is out to kill us

I  recently sent the suggestions that follow to a struggling sponsee on what to do on those days when our brains want to kill us - or at least to make us miserable. ALL people in recovery from addictions have days like that, some of us more than others. 

(I'm having one of those days myself today and reread my own advice. I'm pleased to note it was helpful.)

Perhaps this list will be a help to you on your next "bad" day?  I hope so - that's why I'm sharing  it:

The List:

1.  Don't believe everything you think!

2.  Mask up and go for a good long walk - rain or shine. Or put on some music that moves your feet and then dance till you drop!

3.  Have you prayed about it? If not, do so. Ask to learn what has triggered you feeling wobbly and then ask for a solution, one that will work for you. Write down any thoughts that come to you. Share them with your sponsor or a trusted A.A. friend.

4.  Have you read - and then actually thought about what you've just read - from a book that offers a spiritual direction?

5. Have you looked to see where you might be with that A.A. adage - H.A.L.T.?   (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired).

Hungry - Have you had enough to eat?  If not. Eat now.

           Angry - Are you pissed off at anyone? If so, why? What can be done to fix it?

           Lonely - Have you called an A.A. friend or any loved one today? Do so. Your call might just make their day better - and yours.                                                                                         

           Tired - Are you well rested, did you sleep good? If not, take a nap - or go to bed early.

6.  Have you written out a gratitude list with at least 20 items on it? (Yes, you can think of at least 20. Work on it!)

Examples: Is the sun out today? Can you see it? Is it raining? Can you feel it? Will nature benefit from that rain today? Do you have friends? Will you call one or more friends today? Do you live where there is pretty scenery? Are you able to go out for a walk to enjoy it?

 Is your health good? Give thanks. A lot of people are very ill today.

Do you like your family? Are your parents alive? Ask them about their childhoods. Ask them how they met. Ask them about the best thing that ever happened to them … or the scariest … or the most interesting. Ask them what they’d do over in their lives if they had the chance. Ask them the kinds of questions you’ll kick yourself for not asking after they’ve gone.

Have you laughed today? If not, why not? Laugh at yourself if nothing else shows up to give you a giggle.

And so on ...

7.  If you have a copy of the wonderful book  "Believing in Myself" get it out, or look it up online, and read the July Fourth entry again. 

8.  In that same book - or other spiritual daily reader - start writing down a list of the dates that really "speak" to you when you read them. Refer to those dates and read them again when you go all wobbly.

9.  Go take a nice hot shower or a long soaky hot bath with something in it that smells nice. Appreciate what a lovely experience that is.

10. Cut some flowers from the garden and fill a vase for them indoors.  Men may balk at this, but science has shown having cut flowers in the house lifts our spirits with no regard for gender. Even artificial flowers do it!

11. Consider learning a new skill. Write down what it will take to accomplish it: Buying a book on the subject? Finding a mentor? Taking a class? An online video? Then do it! Try it. If you find it doesn't light your fire after a few weeks, think about something else that might interest you instead. Repeat those initial steps with your new project. Keep doing this until you find something you find yourself passionate about - and then enjoy it forever.

12. Pursue something - anything - that interests you, from reading a good book, watching an upbeat movie, enjoying a jigsaw puzzle, dancing around the house, watching something on Telly that you know will make you laugh (mine while living in the UK were QI, Mock the Week, Would I Lie to You, some stand up comics, etc.), learn how to cook Chinese food, Italian food, Mexican food, Indian food  - or just plain learn how to cook and bake  - then get the ingredients and go for it! 

13. Make a list of all these things you loved to do as a child. A dollhouse? Riding your bike? Fishing? Roller skating? Dancing? Reading? Drawing? Coloring? Try those things again. You will have outgrown some of them, but others will still speak to you as an adult. Enjoy your second childhood. I certainly do! 

13.  Write a letter to any person you are pleased to have in your life and tell them so and why. This can be a relative, a friend, a former teacher, a religious leader, someone in A.A., even someone in the government. Mail it to them. Trust me - they will be thrilled and you’ll be happy with yourself, too.

14. Buy a box of gold stars and whenever you note in your diary something you did that took all your courage to do, award yourself a star. Then, when you have a wobbly day in future, flip back through the pages and read what happened every time you get to a star. You’ll feel better about yourself and your recovery in no time.

              Note: Any good sponsor will merely ask you some of the above questions (and others like them) if you call them when you’re feeling wobbly - and then they will make suggestions to help you based on your answers. Doing any one of the above can shift our perception from negative to positive.  We have "a disease of perception" after all!

And then, as we move forward in our recovery, we will start to ask ourselves those questions when we feel out of kilter and before things become worse. We then apply the ones that we think (or now already know) will help us get back on track.

                    That's how "working the program" works. It works - IF (and when) we work it.

       Nothing happens until we decide. When we make a decision our lives move forward.  

_________________________________________________

 

Made A Decision

                   Here's a Question for You ...

      What have you done for AA -

or for a still suffering alcoholic -

today?

Have you had a thought today about others still out there caught in the hell of

our disease? 

I try to, but it's only because it was once sharply brought to my attention. 

It happened in the building I was living in.

My apartment back then, when I was much younger, was a busy place. People

in recovery dropped by regularly for coffee and A.A chats. I had sponsees there

doing step work. I held weekly studies on books that had helped me in my

own recovery. 

But one day an ambulance arrived out front. 

The paramedics were searching for a man who lived in my building, but I didn't

know him. His apartment number, however, was from "around back," so I

directed them there.

In due course the paramedics wheeled a stretcher from the back apartment to

their ambulance out front. 

On the stretcher was a living skeleton, a rack of bones covered with tight yellow

skin, topped by an enormously swollen belly. 

My neighbor. 

Dying of alcoholism.

So there I was, Little Miss A.A., living The Promises while my neighbor was

quietly drinking himself to death just a few doors away.

How about your neighbor? 

Is he or she dying of alcoholism? 

Do you know?

 

More importantly, do you care?

Because of my own apartment experience I learned to pay closer attention to the

people living near me. And I let people know I'm in recovery from our chronic

terminal illness whenever I think that information might be helpful. 

As it says in our Big Book: 

Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly like people on a sinking ship. If you live

in a large place, there are hundreds. High and low, rich and poor, these are

future fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. 

Among them you will make lifelong friends. You will be bound to them with new

and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together and you will

commence shoulder to shoulder your common journeyThen you will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive

and rediscover life.

You will learn the full meaning of 'Love thy neighbor as thyself.' 

That's as true - maybe even more so - than when our Big Book was written.

So what can we do?

 We can invite doctors, nurses, police officers, social workers, and others to our

open meetings. We can provide those same people with A.A. brochures.

We can answer their questions. 

Our groups can hold Fourth Step workshops. 

We can also host other kinds of workshops offering information about A.A.,

where speakers share about service, our steps, our traditions, The Importance

of Meetings, A.A. literature, and so much more.

Our groups can also offer public workshops where non-alcoholics can attend

and hear a couple of A.A. speakers, an Al-Anon speaker, and then to have

a question and answer session for those in attendance.

And we, as individuals, can carry the message to that person in tonight's

news - the one now headed to jail after causing a fatal accident while drunk.  

My home group had business cards printed to hand out or leave where they

might do some good. They read: 

"If you want to drink, that's your business. If you want to quit, that's ours ...

A.A, has been helping people stay sober for nearly 100 years."

 (And then it gave contact information). 

I recently heard about people in A.A. who were repelled and repulsed by a wet

drunk who showed up at their meeting. Can you even imagine that?

That drunk was there to show everyone what we were like - so that those there

could help him become the sober person he was meant to be. 

That's Our Job!!!

My sobriety - and yours - is given us just for today and is "contingent on the

maintenance of our spiritual condition."

 That means prayer, meditation, step work, book studies, meetings and giving

our sobriety away to someone who needs it. That's how we get to keep it, people.

The seats in A.A. are never empty. Lost members are soon replaced when

God points another newcomer in our direction, a person perhaps more

willing in sobriety to do the job we've been given to do.

I was fortunate in early recovery to be taken on a lot of 12-step calls where I

often got to see late-stage alcoholism up close and personal.

I hated those calls at the time, but I'm very grateful for them now. 

It was there I learned those of us who have escaped drinking - just for today -

are uniquely qualified to pull others out of the jaws of our ugly disease.

But all of us can, and often do, coast along on our own sobriety, skipping

meetings, not calling our sponsor, not being willing to do service in our

group ... truly skating along on thin ice. 

We are not ever cured of our cunning, baffling and powerful disease.

Not paying attention to the basics of our recovery every single day is truly playing with fire.

Our lives before A.A. weren't pretty. Lives of baffled defeat never are.

Those of us given a second chance at life in A.A. are the lucky ones.

Most drunks never even get inside the door for their first meeting. 

But coasting in our recovery for too long leads many of us back to drinking.

That wake-up call sometimes does the trick and we, with new understanding,

return to fully embrace our miraculous program. 

But some of us don't make it back, because for us to drink is to die.

So every recovering addict is a miracle. Many of us should have been

dead long ago. We have been given a second chance at life and the

promises of A.A. guarantee us a good one -

as long as we continue to give our sobriety away to others.

Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery.

A kindly act once in a while isn't enough.

You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be.

Alcoholics Anonymous 4th Edition

One of my good A.A. friends, a man with 30-plus years recovery, says he

gets choked up with emotion every time he hears the "Responsibility Pledge"

read in a meeting. 

Here it is:

"I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help,

I want the hand of A.A. always to be there.

And for that: I am responsible."

My friend takes that pledge seriously. 

I do, too. 

Every single sober one of us owes a debt of gratitude to A.A. that we can

never repay no matter how long we live. 

So my question remains: 

What have YOU done for A.A. - or for a still suffering alcoholic - today?