I am currently reposting all 100 previously posted blogs that contain what I've learned about staying sober. Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. And I can promise you'll have some real adventures along the way!

Keep Coming Back!

If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com

Made a Decision

(6)

Letter to a Sponsee who wandered off into the internet

 

Was sorry to not see you in our meetings last night. The first meeting was all about relapse (two of our members did recently) and it was very powerful. Much to think about and to learn from. We are never free of our disease, you know. It can rear its ugly dangerous head at any time. Vigilance - one day at a time - is our protection. 

 

I suspect you are angry with me for my comments yesterday and that's fine.  I genuinely don't care if we agree about the basics of life ... I say poh-tay-to, you say po-taaa-toe ... you like orange, I like red ... you like the Noon meetings, I prefer evening meetings ... big deal. Our differences are what make people endlessly interesting.

But I will always challenge you - or anyone - when I see lies being perpetuated. 

 

My concern here is about your spreading information about your recent interest in many online conspiracy theories and new drugs being used to combat alcoholism. Such theories can be more interesting and exciting than reality, but anything based on distortion of reality is dangerous. And this is especially so for anyone trying to live by spiritual principles as we do in AA. 

      

Alcoholics Anonymous is all about the truth - that's what the steps are all about. We recognize and acknowledge the truth in Step One, that we are powerless over alcohol; we learn about our own character problems in our 4th and 5th steps; we ask our Higher Power in Steps Six and Seven to remove those defects and allow us to see ourselves and others more clearly; we share the truth about recovery in our 9th and 12th step work - and so on. 

I completely agree with you for the need on more education about alcoholism, especially with younger people. 

I do not agree with you representing AA while handing out pills, or kava jungle juice, or whatever else you might come up with to someone struggling to get sober. That is absolutely not in accordance with AA Traditions. You might as well tell them it's OK to smoke a little crack to help them relax until they find God. 

 Is AA no longer interesting or a priority in your life? If so, you have reached a very dangerous place in your recovery. With zoom meetings we have the opportunity to go to meetings all over the world. I hope you will take full advantage of that. 

 

I am not here to lecture you. I am here as your sponsor, committed to telling you the truth about recovery. And the truth is you are putting other things ahead of sobriety when you don't get to your home group for two weeks. 

 

If you think another AA member would serve you better now in sponsorship, that's fine. I have no ego invested in your recovery. I just want you to stay sober and live to enjoy one positive experience after another in the years ahead. If a different sponsor can help you achieve that, go for it! Take care of yourself and your sobriety. It's the most valuable thing you have.

 

You can be assured I will always challenge you on issues of truth. Lies - even little white ones - are dangerous for anyone, but they can be lethal for an alcoholic. And the most dangerous lies of all are the ones we tell ourselves.

 

All our answers for life as recovering people are based on the honesty found in the steps - learning them and living them on a daily basis is a sure path to better living. That's the one thing I absolutely know for sure.

 

Here's something else I know for sure - You are smart, witty, interesting and just plain lovely. You are a joy to know. But never forget that you need AA  - and that AA needs you!

 

And that’s the truth!

 

I am currently reposting all 100 previously posted blogs that contain what I've learned about staying sober. Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. And I can promise you'll have some real adventures along the way!

Keep Coming Back!

If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com

Sunday, March 21, 2021

 Made A Decision

(5)

A letter follows that was written to an AA friend who had again relapsed, but had recently returned to AA.

Dear __________:

 

You have asked for my thoughts about how you might stay sober this time. Simply put, “It works when we work it.”

 

Recovery is NOT easy. Recovery takes work. But it's good work.

By doing the work we discover how unique and wonderful and perfect we truly are. 

 

Don't believe it? 

 

Why not? 

 

What in you, besides a distorted ego, says you're not worth knowing and accepts that as the truth? That's the one big question for each of us. Doing the work of recovery gives us the answer. 

 

You wrote that you have the book "Believing in Myself" and that you "read it most days." 

Why on earth would you not read it (or another daily spiritual reading) every single day, and think about what you have read, and answer any questions it brings up in your head? 

Today's reading is excellent, addressing self-love - self-love means self-care - and self-care means doing what we need to do to get and stay healthy. 

 

We can't jump a chasm in two jumps, Medear. We're either IN recovery or we're not. We're either applying the steps of recovery in our lives or we're not.

I suggest you make that "decision" we hear about at the start of every meeting, and stay IN recovery. It can't be any worse than what you are experiencing now by so often teetering on the edge. 

 

You’ve said you have no faith there is a God. I had no faith in any kind of God when I got to recovery, either. But one sober day at a time I have found a God that cares for me in my life. 

 

Some people in recovery find their god in an instant. It didn't happen that way for me. It didn't happen overnight. Recovery isn’t all about instant gratification. It is time - sober time - that brings the deeper healing. 

 

My journey to faith was a long hard slog. It took my wanting to experience what many in the rooms clearly had! Their laughter and joy were like spurs to me, sending me onward. But I am in no way unique. It’s there for you, too! 

 

I start every single morning today by taking the first three steps, saying aloud  -- "God, I know that I am powerless and I know that YOU have ALL power. I gratefully, and willingly, turn my will and my life over to your care and keeping, praying only for knowledge of your will for me, and for the power, energy, courage and desire to carry that out today. Please let me serve you today."  

 

It works when we work it.

 

For the record, I prefer our regular meetings, too. But I doubt I'll ever be able to go to one again. I think Covid 19 is going to be with us for a long long time. I'm very grateful, tho, that it didn't arrive in the 1990s, or even the first part of this century, when zoom wouldn't have been an option! 

 

At least we have zoom meetings we can go to, see our AA friends there, and - here's the bonus - make new AA friends from all around the world! I've always found that hearing "the same old same old" in a different accent - or viewpoint - brings a freshness to my own program of recovery. 

 

Big Book thumper that I often am, I urge you to get to as many online meetings as you can, and zoom offers us our regular meetings and meetings around the world any time of our day or night.

 

 I know I'm too young in my own recovery to miss many meetings - so I know for sure that you are.

 

I don't know if any of these hard truths will help you or not, Medear. But I hope there is something in the above that will light the fire for recovery in you that will let you become passionate about yourself and your life.

 

 God doesn't make junk - but we can lose our way in life and not know how perfect we all are. Recovery is the way back to knowing that truth. 

 

And the truth sets us free!

 

I am currently reposting all 100 previously posted blogs that contain what I've learned about staying sober. Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. And I can promise you'll have some real adventures along the way!

Keep Coming Back!

If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com

       __________________________________________________________________ 

Made A Decision 

(4)

Staying Sober No Matter What

The best part of having long term sobriety is to know it’s possible for anything to happen and to know for sure there is no need to drink over it. 

None of us want to experience pain. In our drinking days even the smallest emotional or physical pain would send us straight to the bottle. But in recovery we learn that pain (unwelcome as it always is) brings with it benefits for our growth.

One of our daily readings states: Pain stretches us. It pushes us toward others. It encourages us to pray. It invites us to rely on many resources, particularly those within ...

What we forget, even now, is that we need never experience a painful time alone. The agony that accompanies a wrenching situation is dissipated as quickly and as silently as the entrance of our Higher Power, when called upon.

Over the years I have personally experienced the suicide of close friends; the death of my nephew to an overdose; the brutal murder of one of my sponsees; health issues; the death of my parents; financial loss; personal loss … and the list goes on. 

Sober or not - life, death, and shit - happens.

       My list, of course, overlaps with the lists of others. My nephew who died was the son of my brother, also a recovering alcoholic. My brother didn't drink over his tragic loss. 

The mother of my murdered sponsee, also a recovering alcoholic, didn't drink over her devastating loss. 

My brother and I both lost our parents and our older brother over the years of our recovery and neither of us felt the need to drink over it. 

          Losses are our pain, but we are no longer alone, and when our pain is shared it is made bearable.

       I remember a man in a noon meeting sitting with his head bowed, his hands covering his face as tears slid between his fingers and dropped to form a puddle at his feet. He had learned that morning his daughter and her children had been murdered by her estranged spouse.

He didn't drink over his loss that day, or in any of the days, weeks, months and years that followed.

       I remember when an AA friend lost his only child, his beautiful college-age daughter, to a road accident in which she was killed by a drunk driver. My friend stayed sober. He’s still sober.

      I remember the wracking sorrow when a young sponsee of mine buried her beloved husband, dead of brain cancer, on the morning of what would have been their third wedding anniversary. She didn't pick up a drink. Not then. Not ever. 

I remember another sponsee of mine telling me her own cancer was inoperable. She died a few months later. But she died sober.

I was there when the best friend I've ever had told me she had stage four breast cancer. She stayed sober in all the months of painful treatments that followed and remained sober till the very end.

       Other dear AA friends have lost children, spouses, jobs, friends, pets, parents, siblings and more, so I admit I feel impatience - even anger - when I hear AA members whining and wanting to drink over far, far lesser things than those I've named.

But then I remember - again - that our disease is, above all things, “cunning, baffling and powerful,” and that even the smallest of things can send any drunk back to the bottle when we don't remain vigilant. 

Stay vigilant. Keep sober.

 

 

I am currently reposting all 100 previously posted blogs that contain what I've learned about staying sober. Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. And I can promise you'll have some real adventures along the way!

Keep Coming Back!

If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We enter into a new world when we join AA. The sober world. A world that offers us sobriety, serenity and happiness. The only caution AA gives us is the reminder that alcohol is "cunning, baffling and powerful." If we take just one drink, we will go right back into that old drunken alcoholic world of conflict and misery. 

And, as we read in our AA literature: "Looking at the world through the bottom of a whiskey glass is no fun after you've become an alcoholic." 

Sunday, March 7, 2021

 Made a Decision …

(3)

A Letter to a Struggling Newcomer

Dear _________:

Most people in their first year or two in AA find it can be exhilarating, exciting, challenging, and interesting. They meet new friends. They discover a life without having to hide in a bottle. Their families are proud of them again. They start to think about what they might be able to do in the rest of their life!

And then ... reality sets in!

"Is this it? Is this the rest of my life? No escape from meetings and not drinking?"

It can all start to look a bit daunting and even a bit boring. But underneath that is a lurking hint of: "Is it worth all this work?"

 Or, even worse, "am I - me - worth all this work?"

You, now at nine months sober, have reached that place where the rubber meets the road. (Statistically, more people slip at nine months than at any other time). You'll either dig in and gain traction or you are headed for the ditch. There is no middle ground. You are either all in - or you're setting yourself up to get out.

I hate to be so blunt, but I've seen it many times in my now many sober years, and I've also sponsored a lot of people who abandoned recovery because they were too afraid to get real.  

But you are NOT one of those people. I've seen your courage and I've seen your joy in the rooms. Trust me on this, you have only - barely - scratched the surface of everything AA has to offer you in the months and years ahead.

Don't ever give up before the miracle - miracles - happen! It's time to buckle down now and get to it. 

You were not in the book study group tonight. Why not? That's where the learning is.

How many zoom meetings are you getting to?

Are you getting to any zoom meetings in other countries? If yes - great! If not, why not? It's a fabulous opportunity to see AA working in the lives of people all over the world. 

Are you working with others? Are you through all 12 steps for the first time? If so, are you sponsoring anyone yet? If not, why not? That's the BEST way to learn what AA has to teach you about fun, joy and recovery - and so many other lessons that you can't even begin to fathom yet. 

Get busy. Read more. Dig deeper. As it says in the Big Book, you have just picked up a few gold nuggets scattered around a stream bed. You have to dig for the vein of gold called the Mother Lode. 

It's there ... so start digging.

I send you love and hugs and a big kick in the arse to get you moving and motivated again.

We need you, AA needs you, 

YOU need you. 

Sincerely, your friend in recovery,

OKay J.

 

Alcoholism insisted that I drink whether I wanted to or not. Drinking was the insanity that dominated my life and ruled over my making any healthy choices for myself. My life became unmanageable.

"In spite of the great increase in the size and the span of this Fellowship, at its core it remains simple and personal. Each day, somewhere in the world, recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic, sharing experience, strength, and hope."
         Alcoholics Anonymous, p. xxii

I began last week reposting all 100 previously posted blogs and the rest of them will be posted every Sunday following. Here below is the second one. These blogs contain what I've learned about staying sober. Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. I also know you will have a lot of fun along your sober way, because I certainly have!

Keep Coming Back!

If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com

*******************************************

Sunday, February 28, 2021

Made a Decision

(2)

Nothing happens until we decide. When we make a decision our lives move forward.  

 I  recently sent these few suggestions that follow to a struggling sponsee on what to do on those days when our brains want to kill us - or at least to make us miserable.

ALL people in recovery from addictions have days like that, some of us more than others. 

Perhaps this list will be a help to you on your next "bad" day?  I hope so - that's why I'm sharing  it:

The List:

1.  Don't believe everything you think!

2.  Mask up and go for a good long walk - rain or shine. Or put on some music that moves your feet and then dance till you drop!

3.  Have you prayed about it? If not, do so. Ask to learn what has triggered you feeling wobbly and then ask for a solution, one that will work for you. Write down any thoughts that come to you. Share them with your sponsor or a trusted AA friend.

4.  Have you read - and then actually thought about what you've just read - from a book that offers a spiritual direction?

5. Have you looked to see where you might be with that AA adage - H.A.L.T.?   (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired).

           Hungry - Have you had enough to eat?  If not. Eat now.

           Angry - Are you pissed off at anyone? If so, why? What can be done to fix it?

           Lonely - Have you called an AA friend or any loved one today? Do so. Your call might just make their day better - and yours.                                                                                         

           Tired - Are you well rested, did you sleep good? If not, take a nap - or go to bed early.

6.  Have you written out a gratitude list with at least 20 items on it? 

              (Yes, you can think of at least 20. Work on it!)

Examples: Is the sun out today? Can you see it? Is it raining? Can you feel it? Will nature benefit from that rain today? Do you have friends? Will you call one or more friend today? Do you live where there is pretty scenery? Are you able to mask up and go out for a walk to enjoy it?

 Is your health good? Give thanks. A lot of people are very ill today.

Do you like your family? Are your parents alive? Ask them about their childhoods. Ask them how they met. Ask them about the best thing that ever happened to them … or the scariest … or the most interesting. Ask them what they’d do over in their lives if they had the chance. Ask them the kinds of questions you’ll kick yourself for not asking after they’ve gone.

Have you laughed today? If not, why not? Laugh at yourself if nothing else shows up to give you a giggle.

And so on ...

7.  If you have a copy of the wonderful book  "Believing in Myself" get it out and read the July 4 entry again. 

8.  In that same book - or other spiritual daily reader - start writing down a list of the dates that really "speak" to you when you read them. Refer to those dates and read them again when you go all wobbly.

9.  Go take a nice hot shower or a long soaky hot bath with something in it that smells nice. Appreciate what a lovely experience that is.

10. Cut some flowers from the garden and fill a vase for them indoors.  Men may balk at this, but science has shown having cut flowers in the house lifts our spirits. Even artificial flowers do!

11. Consider learning a new skill. Write down what it will take to accomplish it: Buying a book on the subject? Finding a mentor? Taking a class? An online video? Then do it! Try it. If you find it doesn't light your fire after a few weeks, think about something else that might interest you instead. Repeat those initial steps with your new project. Keep doing this until you find something you find yourself passionate about - and then enjoy it forever.

12. Pursue something - anything - that interests you, from reading a good book, watching an upbeat movie, enjoying a jigsaw puzzle, dancing around the house, watching something on Telly that you know will make you laugh (QI, Mock the Week, Would I Lie to You, Stand Up Comic performances, etc.), learn how to cook Chinese food, Italian food, Mexican food, Indian food  - or just plain learn how to cook and bake  - then get the ingredients and go for it! 

13. Make a list of all these things you loved to do as a child. A dollhouse? Riding your bike? Fishing? Roller skating? Dancing? Reading? Drawing? Colouring? Try those things again. You will have outgrown some of them, but others will still speak to you as an adult. Enjoy your second childhood. I certainly do! 

13.  Write a letter to any person you are pleased to have in your life and tell them so and why. This can be a relative, a friend, a former teacher, a religious leader, someone in AA, even someone in the government. Mail it to them. Trust me - they will be thrilled and you’ll be happy with yourself, too.

14. Buy a box of gold stars and whenever you note in your diary something you did that took all your courage to do, award yourself a star. Then, when you have a wobbly day in future, flip back through the pages and read what happened every time you get to a star. You’ll feel better about yourself and your recovery in no time.

              Note: Any good sponsor will merely ask you some of the above questions (and others like them) if you call them when you’re feeling wobbly - and then they will make suggestions to help you based on your answers. Doing any one of the above can shift our perception from negative to positive.  We have "a disease of perception" after all!

And then, as we move forward in our recovery, we will start to ask ourselves those questions when we feel out of kilter and before things become worse. We then apply the ones that we think (or now already know) will help us get back on track.

                    That's how "working the program" works. It works - IF (and when) we work it.

 

Beginning today (Sunday, 16/4/23), I am posting Blog Number One once again. All 100 of the rest of them will be posted every Sunday following.

These blogs contain what I've learned about staying sober. (They were also quite brief in the beginning and got a lot meatier as time went on!)

Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me for more than four decades, I know it can work for you.

I also know you will have a lot of fun along your sober way, because I certainly have!

Keep Coming Back!

If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com

Made A Decision:

(1)

Saturday, February 20, 2021 

          At the urging of friends I have finally decided to change my random blog to one mainly on the topic of recovery from addiction. 

(A few other pet topics may show up from time to time, however, because Digression is my middle name.) 

          Many of the things posted here will be on recurring themes taken from letters and emails I have sent to AA sponsees and friends over the years of my own recovery. My hope is they will be of help to you, too. 

Blog One follows: 

       Zoom Meetings - Some thoughts from an AA Oldtimer about online meetings (and other stuff) during Covid ...  

                    (O.Kay J. - Sobriety date September 11, 1981.) 

I am a 77-year-old No Tech who has attended in-person AA meetings for a few months shy of 40 years. So when Covid arrived and we had to switch to online meetings it was very hard for me. 

I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to do it. I would still rather meet in that familiar room with the steps, traditions and slogans on the wall and our cups of coffee or tea in hand. I miss my AA hugs. 

My dear old brother, Bob S. (sobriety date 3rd April 1981) feels the same. He struggles with the “new” (to us) technology even more than I do, but he gets to his Zoom meetings all the same.

 After all, what choice do we have? It is now either an online meeting or no meeting for all of us. We must now Zoom for our ongoing recovery or go it alone and risk the ever-lurking possibility of a relapse. 

My first sponsor told me alcoholism isn’t the only progressive, terminal, fatal illness out there, but it is the only one that doesn’t require some often horrific treatments like chemotherapy, or dialisis, or a daily shot of insulin (to name but a few). All I have to do to treat my disease is to get my ass to a meeting. 

With Zoom meetings being the only meetings on offer at the moment, then a Zoom meeting it must be. 

(Of course, in addition to our meetings, we have to continue working our program by applying the steps in our lives, helping others, reading AA literature, talking with our AA friends and sponsors, and getting through this strange Covid experience One Day at a Time.) 

But I admit it irks me more than a little bit when I hear virtual newcomers saying they “don’t like online meetings, “ and “they’re not the same,” and “I miss our real meetings,” and other whining to that effect. 

What’s worse, I hear those same remarks from people with long-term sobriety, too. They often stay away from online meetings and, by so doing, set a pretty lousy example for program youngsters. 

(Note from 2023 - some of those old timers who wouldn't go to zoom meetings are now drunk or dead from our disease, because we NEED our meetings to stay sober!)

But imagine if Covid had come along ten or 20 years ago, when cell phones and PCs weren’t part of our daily reality? Imagine being in lockdown with NO meetings available to us? Where’s our gratitude? 

How about being happy for: 

Being able to zoom into a meeting any hour of the day. 

Having gratitude for meeting new friends in recovery all over the world at the touch of a button. 

Or even (my personal favorite this winter) appreciate not having to leave the house on a cold wet night and navigate icy streets to get to a meeting. 

It’s so easy to forget we all, as our literature tells us, have “a disease of perception.” But we can choose to look for and perceive the benefits of any situation - including online meetings - rather than suck our thumbs and pout about “the good old days.”