I am currently reposting all 100 previously posted blogs that contain what I've learned about staying sober. Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. And I can promise you'll have some real adventures along the way!

                                                                     Keep Coming Back!

                 If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com

Made a Decision 

                   Steps One through Five

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The Steps and 12 Traditions - Here's Why we “Work” Them:

                 “The Steps protect me from myself; 

                                the Traditions protect AA from me.”

        The Steps are "How It Works" and the Traditions are "Why it Works."

“A.A.’s Twelve Steps are a group of principles, spiritual in their nature, which if practiced as a way of life, can expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole.”   

And:

“A.A.’s Twelve Traditions apply to the life of the Fellowship itself. They outline the means by which A.A. maintains its unity and relates itself to the world about it, the way it lives and grows.”  

                     (From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, my favorite AA book).

 

When we initially do all 12 steps we do them to the very best of our ability. More will be revealed about ourselves as we continue along our road of recovery. We will “work” some of these steps every single day and others we will dip back into when we realize more work there is needed.

 An example of that is the Fourth Step. Some people do a Fourth Step once. Some do one once a year every year. Others do another Fourth Step only when they feel the need. And sometimes we will do a Fourth Step item on just one item once the need for it has been "revealed" to us. 

So don’t let anyone “should on you”. There is no right or wrong way to do any of the steps - just as long as we do them.

Here follows are some bullet points and a few personal comments on all 12-steps. 

Step One - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Step One is the ONLY step we have to take 100 percent. It is our foundation for recovery.

In it we will remember what got us to AA in the first place. If you are struggling with Step One, consider the following:

Bullet points for Step One:

1.  Think back to your drinking times. Did your drinking cause you problems in your life? Often? Did you ever swear off alcohol, but then found reason to drink again … and then again? 

2. Did  you ever feel “powerless” in your ability to stay away from having a drink?

3. Did your drinking ever get out of control? Did it sometimes (always?) become “unmanageable?”

4. Were any aspects of your life - relationships, job, finances - affected by your drinking?

5. How did you feel when you finally admitted to yourself that you were powerless over alcohol? What was that moment of clarity (surrender) like?

6. Remember - If you want to drink, that’s your business. But if you want to quit, that’s the business of AA.  Accepting Step One puts you firmly onto your own path for recovery.

Step Two - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

This step is the “whoa” step for many newcomers. They balk at the whole idea of a Higher Power, because they either don’t believe there is a God, or they do believe there is a God - one who seeks to punish them for all their “bad behavior.” 

Many newcomers struggle for months, even years, with the entire God concept … but as our Big Book tells us, we only have to turn to a God as we understand Him (or Her).

My first sponsor once asked me to list on paper all the qualities I would want to have in a Best Friend.

 I wrote things like humour, loyalty, strength, intelligence, a sense of fun, a lot of laughter, courage, etc.

My sponsor then said, “OK then - that’s now your God as you understand God. Those are the qualities you’ll ultimately find in your Higher Power. Rely on THAT God. Stop overthinking it.” 

(And you know what? She was right.)

Bullet Points for Step Two:

1. We do NOT have to be believers in the beginning. Many newcomers believe that AA in itself offers a “Power greater than ourselves” able to keep its members - and maybe us - sober. After all, people in AA are sober and staying sober where we could not.

2. AA members over time generally (but it is NOT a requirement) come to rely on a “God of our own understanding.”

3. Some members can never accept anything but the G.O.D. ("Good Orderly Direction) of their AA group as their Higher Power. And that's fine

4. AA is NOT a religion.

5. AA, however, is a spiritual program.

6. Sanity is achievable. 

Step Three - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

What? Turn our will and our lives over to something other than ourselves? No way! 

That’s the usual reaction when confronted with the reality of having to take our paws off our own life and invite God to take over. 

Pause now and consider where our own control and guidance has left us in our lives. Maybe this God idea could point us toward a better quality of life? 

Worth a try?

Bullet Points for Step Three:

1. "MADE A DECiSION" to give AA a fair trial run.

2. Attend lots of meetings online and (when it's safe and possible again) in person.

3. Each new day we ask a God of our own understanding (often called Higher Power, or HP) to keep us sober for that day.

4. Thank HP at bedtime for our having had another sober day.

5. Find an AA member with experience in living by the 12-Steps of Recovery to “sponsor” us by guiding us through all the steps. A good sponsor will share his/her own experiences with us and explain how working the steps has kept them sober.

Step Four - Made a searching and thorough inventory of ourselves.

Step Four is where the "take action" steps begin, where the rubber meets the road. Here is where we begin to actually “work the steps.”

Many newcomers fear Step Four, but once they move forward will discover they've been afraid of a paper tiger. There is no harm for us in any of the steps. 

Step Four introduces us to the truth about ourselves - and the truth will set us free!

Bullet Points for Step Four:

1. The Big Book of AA outlines how to do Step Four. Read it and think about it.

2. Take up any questions you may still have with your sponsor.

3. Set aside a morning or afternoon when you won't be disturbed. Sit down with pen and paper or a notebook and go to it. Use the Big Book outline as your guide. Take prayer breaks if needed.

4. Some people prefer to write their Fourth Step autobiographically and that can work, too. The goal here is not perfection. The goal is to get this stuff down on paper. My first attempt at a Fourth Step was biographical. I later did Fourth Steps using the Big Book outline as my guide.

5. Remember to add the positive things about yourself to your inventory. No one is all bad - not even terminally-unique you.

6. If this is your first time doing a Fourth Step you should be able to complete it in two to four hours. That will get on paper the immediate things for working on in your early recovery. (More will be revealed in future Fourth Steps.)

7. If a Fourth Step Workshop is available to you, sign up for it - then show up and take part.

Step Five - Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Why?

If God knows all our secrets and forgives them, why do we have to hang all our dirty laundry out there in front of a person?

Because to walk a spiritual path we must learn all about humility and obedience to God’s will. Our Higher Power needs us to step out here in faith that Step Five is one of our most important steps along that path.

And it really is.

Bullet Points for Step Five:

1. No one wants to do a Fifth Step. Do it anyway.

2. AA’s founders recommended doing a Fifth Step immediately after getting our Fourth Step down on paper. (I say the same). 

3. Set aside a morning or afternoon with your sponsor, a trusted friend, your priest or rabbi, or anyone you trust (but not a live-in partner) and read your Fourth Step aloud to them. 

4. We are as sick as our secrets. Get everything (ALL of it) out in the open. 

5. Your Higher Power didn’t bring you this far to drop you on your head. Do the most thorough Fifth Step you can. The benefits will very soon reveal themselves to you.

We'll have a look at Steps Six, Seven, Eight and Nine in the next blog. 

Till then, keep sober and keep smiling. Smiles are contagious!

 

I am currently reposting all 100 previously posted blogs that contain what I've learned about staying sober. Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. And I can promise you'll have some real adventures along the way!


                                                                     Keep Coming Back!

                 If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com



First posted - April 2021

Made A Decision

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              Some Bits and Pieces Today, includes some topic

                          suggestions for Meetings

           

About Prayer:   “Most people don't pray, they only beg.”

About Meditation: “There is no such thing as a bad meditation. There are just different experiences at different times.”

                                                                            * * * 

Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back. His recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God, however he may define Him.

                                  

Big Book Quote

                                                  * * * 

Letter follows that was written to a sponsee in her early recovery:

Dear ________:

“God don't make no junk” and God made YOU.

So to think you are not good enough, or unworthy in any way, is putting yourself ahead of God's own opinion of you.

 Look in the mirror and say, out loud, "I love you."

Do it every day until you like what you see.

Do it every day until you believe it.

 And until you do love you, remember

God loves you.

We in AA love you.

I love you.

 Self-love comes over time when we stay on track in our recovery. I know that you listen to AA taped talks, so do more of them. They'll build you up, unlike so much of the negative stuff to be found online.

 Stay safe and well. Keep on doing-the-doing.
Keep sober!

                                          

                                                                        * * *

 
For Those who Still Want to Drink

 I have seen a lot of people come into AA and then leave and return to drinking.

Some of them have died drunk.

Some of them have suffered permanent brain damage from that trip back to the hell of alcoholic drinking.

 And some make it back “into the rooms” to continue their sober journey.

Of those older, battered, and now wiser who do return, I have never once heard any of them say:

 IT WAS GREAT!

 I LOVED DRINKiNG AGAIN!

 MY FAMILY WAS SO PROUD OF ME FOR PICKING UP A DRINK.

 Nope, not a single one of them I have known personally has ever said that - or anything remotely like it - once they got back in the AA lifeboat.

                                                                        * * * 

 
 I once posted the following on my Facebook Page under the heading -  

Some good questions to ask ourselves:

 What is trying to emerge in my life?

What is my gift to share?

What is my purpose?

Why am I here on the planet? 

 And I got back this response from a fellow AA member still very new in recovery:

“Been fucking asking this all my life. Screaming out to God who am I and what do you want from me?”

 My response, based entirely on knowing how we ALL have a disease of perception:

 Perhaps your answers COULD be:

What is trying to emerge in my life?  Good Balanced Recovery

My gift to share? ... Good Balanced Recovery.

 Purpose? ... To learn to love myself, and teach others how to love themselves, and our planet.

 Why am I here? ... To love the planet, and all those on it, back to health by applying numbers 1,2, and 3, above.

 
                                                                                 * * * 

               If you think you have a problem with alcohol,

                                  you probably do.

    

                                                                            * * * 

When we are asked to chair on a topic it's always best to come up with our own ideas when we can,
but here are a few suggestions for when our brains draw a blank.

 1. Any of the 12 steps.

2. Gratitude

3. Service work forAA - and how it keeps us sober.

4. Sponsorship

5. Any one of the slogans ... one day at a time; first things first; keep it simple; let go and let God; etc.

6. Helping others in recovery. Reaching out to those in need.

7. What to do when we feel "stuck" in our recovery.

8. How do we greet newcomers and make them feel welcome and needed. (Especially important in these times of zoom!)

9. AA Literature. Why we need to read it.

10. Our favorites among the AA selection of books and brochures.

11. The many benefits of forming AA friendships.

12. Relapse. Alcohol is cunning, baffling, powerful - and patient!

13. Dealing with grief and staying sober.

14. The healing power of laughter - especially learning to laugh at ourselves.

15. Morbid reflection, how it leads to depression and how to avoid it. (Gratitude! Trust God. Help others.)

 ... and so on.

 
                                                                       * * * 

 

 How do I know if my spiritual experience is real?

 “... it is certain that all recipients of spiritual experiences declare for their reality. The best evidence of that reality
is in the subsequent fruits. Those who receive these gifts of grace are very much changed people, almost invariably
for the better. This can scarcely be said of those who hallucinate."

                  (From an AA talk by Dr. Bob  in 1960)
 

 
                                                                          * * * 

 
We alcoholics are sensitive people. It takes some of us a long time to outgrow that serious handicap.

                 Big Book, 4th Edition, pg. 125

                                                                                                     * * * 

 Let us resist the proud assumption that since God has enabled us to do well in one area we are destined to be a channel of saving grace for everybody.

           A.A. COMES OF AGE, pg. 232

  
                                                                               * * * 

                                        To help each other, is to help ourselves.


                                                                               * * * 

 And one final thought for today:

             It's easier to stay out of trouble than to                      get out of trouble.

                                                * * * 

 

 

I am currently reposting all 100 previously posted blogs that contain what I've learned about staying sober. Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. And I can promise you'll have some real adventures along the way!

                                                Keep Coming Back!

             If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com

First posted on Sunday, April 18, 2021

 Made a Decision

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                             Women in the “Fellowship.”

Women in AA should always remember “The Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous was written in an earlier time, penned by white men for white men.  The Founding Fathers of AA initially weren't even sure women could get and stay sober in the AA program. 

"... In the beginning we could not sober up women. They were different, they said ..." From the book "Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age".

I was working as a journalist when I got sober. During my first year or two in recovery I wanted to rewrite the Big Book. I thought the language in the Big Book was dated at best and sexist at worst.

But I’m glad I left the book alone, because over time I have learned everything a woman needs to stay sober really is already right there in the Big Book of “Alcoholics Anonymous” just as it was written. We just have to become open enough to receive it.

(And the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions is well worth our study, too).

 I’m pleased, however, that other women have in recent decades written books aimed more at reaching women in recovery.

Among them, the book A Woman’ Way Through the 12 Steps, by Stephanie S. Covington, is now a recovery classic that has helped scores of women. 

I also think the most important thing a woman in recovery can do for herself is to join an all women’s group - or start one if necessary.

 (I’ve helped start two of them, one in the USA and one in the UK. The UK group faded away, but the other is still going strong more than 35 years on). 

Women’s groups themselves have been around since the 1950s, so if you are trying to get one started in your own area don’t let anyone bully you into thinking they are something “new.”

 I'm not man-bashiing here. I adore the men in AA. Nearly all of the people around me in my early recovery were men. Without them I would never have stayed sober. Their courage, direction, compassion and humour propped me up in my weakest moments.

But many men in AA still sometimes get all huffy when women decide to form a group just for them. They'll give all kinds of reasons why a women's group isn't necessary, too. I've heard them all.

The men will say a woman alcoholic is no different from a man alcoholic, that women think they're special (dangerously "unique") for thinking they need their own group, and some men will even bluntly say, "What's so private you women can't talk about it in a regular meeting?"

I suspect men fear we want our own meeting just so we can talk about them! (FYI, guys - We don't.)

I'm going to digress here (as I often do) to leave AA for a moment and tell you about a study of men and women I once read. It follows:

Each person in the study was asked what they most feared regarding the other sex when involved in an intimate relationship.

Most of the men questioned said they feared, if they let themselves be vulnerable, the woman might laugh at them.

The women said their biggest fear was their partner might become angry enough to kill them.

(And then there's this actual fact, making one wonder why young single women still want to find a husband, because - statistically - he is the one most likely to one day murder her.)

Given that information, we can return now to recovery:

While it is obviously true both men and women can become alcoholics, the results of "our" disease - and our fears - impact our lives in very different ways.

All drunks are shamed by the society they live in, but until they’ve reached the lowest point in their drinking, men are perceived as “someone who just doesn’t know when to quit.” 

Women at that stage (or even before) are perceived as bad women. Period.

A man staggering along the street drunk is still often seen as a figure of fun. A woman in that condition is seen as disgusting, or in some cases, as a target for sexual assault. 

 And women alcoholics who live with abuse in their homes often turn to the bottle for comfort, thereby inviting a whole new level of abuse, especially verbal abuse.

Being constantly told we are "terrible mothers, rotten housekeepers, lousy cooks, disgusting women, lazy bitches, whores, scum - or worse - is hardly the recipe for feeling good about oneself.

A woman who finds she can not stop drinking feels like a failure already, so the verbal abuse just fuels self-loathing like red hot coals stoke a fire.

I have been a member of groups in several countries and in every one of them there have been women who never spoke. They were always there, they listened, they stayed sober, but they never spoke aloud in a meeting. They couldn't.

These were women who had been abused as children and later, often when quite young, went on to marry abusive men. Their voices had been silenced all their lives.

It was only when those women became members in women's groups, and came to understand their thoughts and feelings had value, that they began to speak.

I have known such women. I have sponsored such women. So I am now, and always will be, a champion of women's AA groups.

And here's the best news of all for our entire program of recovery:

Once the silent women discover their self-worth they venture out into regular AA meetings where their wisdom and compassion enriches and benefits everyone.

 

I am currently reposting all 100 previously posted blogs that contain what I've learned about staying sober. Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. And I can promise you'll have some real adventures along the way!

                                                Keep Coming Back!

             If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com

Made a Decision

(7)

                                Slip'n and Slid'n.

        There are two types of pain in the world.  Pain that hurts you.

                               And pain that changes you.

 

In 1960, one of AA's founding members shared his thoughts about those who return to drinking after having been sober a while in AA. He wrote the following:

Slips can often be charged to rebellion; some of us are more rebellious than others. Slips may be due to the illusion that one can be 'cured' of alcoholism.

Slips can also be charged to carelessness and complacency. Many of us fail to ride out these periods sober. Things go fine for two or three years - then the member is seen no more.

Some of us suffer extreme guilt because of vices or practices that we can't or won't let go of. Too little self-forgiveness and too little prayer - well, this combination adds up to slips.

Then some of us are far more alcohol-damaged than others. Still others encounter a series of calamities and cannot seem to find the spiritual resources to meet them.

There are those of us who are physically ill. Others are subject to more or less continuous exhaustion, anxiety, and depression. These conditions often play a part in slips - sometimes they are utterly controlling.

 In my own case, and purely by the grace of God, I have not had a drink of alcohol since I attended my first meeting in Alcoholics Anonymous. That fact makes me blessed, not superior.

The thought of having a slip scares the hell out of me, because I have learned from the slips of others that our disease of alcoholism progresses whether we are drinking or not. We will never return to the happy early days of our drinking, we return almost immediately to an advanced stage of alcoholic hell.

Sadly, however, I have witnessed many AA members who have not been as fortunate as I have been.

 I have had dear friends in the program who picked up a drink to suffer another period of "research" on the horrible effects alcohol has on those like us. 

A few of them died from it, including a wonderful man who kept me from picking up a drink many times in those hard early days of my own recovery. 

Some of those who "slipped" did make it back to the rooms. None, however, returned to tell us how great it was to be back out there drinking again. All of them had just added more new horrors to their previous horror stories about our disease.

I, too, (like every recovering alcoholic) have been close to picking up a time or two during my recovery, but I'm so grateful I did not. Hearing those horror stories probably played a big part in that. It's one more reason to continue going to meetings, to hear - and see - that harsh reminder of what awaits us when we do not.

There's a recurring theme heard from those who have returned to AA after drinking again. They invariably say: "I slipped after I stopped going to meetings."

Never forget we in AA have a chronic terminal illness. Other chronic terminal illnesses (like many cancers, kidney diseases, diabetes) all require very painful treatments involving needles and horrific medical procedures. 

Our primary treatment for our deadly disease is to get our ass to a meeting!

And we can SEE the results of our treatments in the faces around us in meetings. 

Group members often arrive with frowning faces to share stories of their horrible day. But, by meeting's end, they are smiling and joking with other members about how their day now doesn't seem quite as bad after all.

There's an old AA saying we might want to write down; right up there on the wall in big letters will be fine!

                       "Meeting Makers Make It!"

 

I am currently reposting all 100 previously posted blogs that contain what I've learned about staying sober. Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. And I can promise you'll have some real adventures along the way!

Keep Coming Back!

If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com

Made a Decision

(6)

Letter to a Sponsee who wandered off into the internet

 

Was sorry to not see you in our meetings last night. The first meeting was all about relapse (two of our members did recently) and it was very powerful. Much to think about and to learn from. We are never free of our disease, you know. It can rear its ugly dangerous head at any time. Vigilance - one day at a time - is our protection. 

 

I suspect you are angry with me for my comments yesterday and that's fine.  I genuinely don't care if we agree about the basics of life ... I say poh-tay-to, you say po-taaa-toe ... you like orange, I like red ... you like the Noon meetings, I prefer evening meetings ... big deal. Our differences are what make people endlessly interesting.

But I will always challenge you - or anyone - when I see lies being perpetuated. 

 

My concern here is about your spreading information about your recent interest in many online conspiracy theories and new drugs being used to combat alcoholism. Such theories can be more interesting and exciting than reality, but anything based on distortion of reality is dangerous. And this is especially so for anyone trying to live by spiritual principles as we do in AA. 

      

Alcoholics Anonymous is all about the truth - that's what the steps are all about. We recognize and acknowledge the truth in Step One, that we are powerless over alcohol; we learn about our own character problems in our 4th and 5th steps; we ask our Higher Power in Steps Six and Seven to remove those defects and allow us to see ourselves and others more clearly; we share the truth about recovery in our 9th and 12th step work - and so on. 

I completely agree with you for the need on more education about alcoholism, especially with younger people. 

I do not agree with you representing AA while handing out pills, or kava jungle juice, or whatever else you might come up with to someone struggling to get sober. That is absolutely not in accordance with AA Traditions. You might as well tell them it's OK to smoke a little crack to help them relax until they find God. 

 Is AA no longer interesting or a priority in your life? If so, you have reached a very dangerous place in your recovery. With zoom meetings we have the opportunity to go to meetings all over the world. I hope you will take full advantage of that. 

 

I am not here to lecture you. I am here as your sponsor, committed to telling you the truth about recovery. And the truth is you are putting other things ahead of sobriety when you don't get to your home group for two weeks. 

 

If you think another AA member would serve you better now in sponsorship, that's fine. I have no ego invested in your recovery. I just want you to stay sober and live to enjoy one positive experience after another in the years ahead. If a different sponsor can help you achieve that, go for it! Take care of yourself and your sobriety. It's the most valuable thing you have.

 

You can be assured I will always challenge you on issues of truth. Lies - even little white ones - are dangerous for anyone, but they can be lethal for an alcoholic. And the most dangerous lies of all are the ones we tell ourselves.

 

All our answers for life as recovering people are based on the honesty found in the steps - learning them and living them on a daily basis is a sure path to better living. That's the one thing I absolutely know for sure.

 

Here's something else I know for sure - You are smart, witty, interesting and just plain lovely. You are a joy to know. But never forget that you need AA  - and that AA needs you!

 

And that’s the truth!

 

I am currently reposting all 100 previously posted blogs that contain what I've learned about staying sober. Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. And I can promise you'll have some real adventures along the way!

Keep Coming Back!

If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com

Sunday, March 21, 2021

 Made A Decision

(5)

A letter follows that was written to an AA friend who had again relapsed, but had recently returned to AA.

Dear __________:

 

You have asked for my thoughts about how you might stay sober this time. Simply put, “It works when we work it.”

 

Recovery is NOT easy. Recovery takes work. But it's good work.

By doing the work we discover how unique and wonderful and perfect we truly are. 

 

Don't believe it? 

 

Why not? 

 

What in you, besides a distorted ego, says you're not worth knowing and accepts that as the truth? That's the one big question for each of us. Doing the work of recovery gives us the answer. 

 

You wrote that you have the book "Believing in Myself" and that you "read it most days." 

Why on earth would you not read it (or another daily spiritual reading) every single day, and think about what you have read, and answer any questions it brings up in your head? 

Today's reading is excellent, addressing self-love - self-love means self-care - and self-care means doing what we need to do to get and stay healthy. 

 

We can't jump a chasm in two jumps, Medear. We're either IN recovery or we're not. We're either applying the steps of recovery in our lives or we're not.

I suggest you make that "decision" we hear about at the start of every meeting, and stay IN recovery. It can't be any worse than what you are experiencing now by so often teetering on the edge. 

 

You’ve said you have no faith there is a God. I had no faith in any kind of God when I got to recovery, either. But one sober day at a time I have found a God that cares for me in my life. 

 

Some people in recovery find their god in an instant. It didn't happen that way for me. It didn't happen overnight. Recovery isn’t all about instant gratification. It is time - sober time - that brings the deeper healing. 

 

My journey to faith was a long hard slog. It took my wanting to experience what many in the rooms clearly had! Their laughter and joy were like spurs to me, sending me onward. But I am in no way unique. It’s there for you, too! 

 

I start every single morning today by taking the first three steps, saying aloud  -- "God, I know that I am powerless and I know that YOU have ALL power. I gratefully, and willingly, turn my will and my life over to your care and keeping, praying only for knowledge of your will for me, and for the power, energy, courage and desire to carry that out today. Please let me serve you today."  

 

It works when we work it.

 

For the record, I prefer our regular meetings, too. But I doubt I'll ever be able to go to one again. I think Covid 19 is going to be with us for a long long time. I'm very grateful, tho, that it didn't arrive in the 1990s, or even the first part of this century, when zoom wouldn't have been an option! 

 

At least we have zoom meetings we can go to, see our AA friends there, and - here's the bonus - make new AA friends from all around the world! I've always found that hearing "the same old same old" in a different accent - or viewpoint - brings a freshness to my own program of recovery. 

 

Big Book thumper that I often am, I urge you to get to as many online meetings as you can, and zoom offers us our regular meetings and meetings around the world any time of our day or night.

 

 I know I'm too young in my own recovery to miss many meetings - so I know for sure that you are.

 

I don't know if any of these hard truths will help you or not, Medear. But I hope there is something in the above that will light the fire for recovery in you that will let you become passionate about yourself and your life.

 

 God doesn't make junk - but we can lose our way in life and not know how perfect we all are. Recovery is the way back to knowing that truth. 

 

And the truth sets us free!

 

I am currently reposting all 100 previously posted blogs that contain what I've learned about staying sober. Because AA has continued to work for a drunk like me since 1981, I know it can work for you. And I can promise you'll have some real adventures along the way!

Keep Coming Back!

If you wish to contact me personally with your comments, my email is: o.kay.dockside@gmail.com

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Made A Decision 

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Staying Sober No Matter What

The best part of having long term sobriety is to know it’s possible for anything to happen and to know for sure there is no need to drink over it. 

None of us want to experience pain. In our drinking days even the smallest emotional or physical pain would send us straight to the bottle. But in recovery we learn that pain (unwelcome as it always is) brings with it benefits for our growth.

One of our daily readings states: Pain stretches us. It pushes us toward others. It encourages us to pray. It invites us to rely on many resources, particularly those within ...

What we forget, even now, is that we need never experience a painful time alone. The agony that accompanies a wrenching situation is dissipated as quickly and as silently as the entrance of our Higher Power, when called upon.

Over the years I have personally experienced the suicide of close friends; the death of my nephew to an overdose; the brutal murder of one of my sponsees; health issues; the death of my parents; financial loss; personal loss … and the list goes on. 

Sober or not - life, death, and shit - happens.

       My list, of course, overlaps with the lists of others. My nephew who died was the son of my brother, also a recovering alcoholic. My brother didn't drink over his tragic loss. 

The mother of my murdered sponsee, also a recovering alcoholic, didn't drink over her devastating loss. 

My brother and I both lost our parents and our older brother over the years of our recovery and neither of us felt the need to drink over it. 

          Losses are our pain, but we are no longer alone, and when our pain is shared it is made bearable.

       I remember a man in a noon meeting sitting with his head bowed, his hands covering his face as tears slid between his fingers and dropped to form a puddle at his feet. He had learned that morning his daughter and her children had been murdered by her estranged spouse.

He didn't drink over his loss that day, or in any of the days, weeks, months and years that followed.

       I remember when an AA friend lost his only child, his beautiful college-age daughter, to a road accident in which she was killed by a drunk driver. My friend stayed sober. He’s still sober.

      I remember the wracking sorrow when a young sponsee of mine buried her beloved husband, dead of brain cancer, on the morning of what would have been their third wedding anniversary. She didn't pick up a drink. Not then. Not ever. 

I remember another sponsee of mine telling me her own cancer was inoperable. She died a few months later. But she died sober.

I was there when the best friend I've ever had told me she had stage four breast cancer. She stayed sober in all the months of painful treatments that followed and remained sober till the very end.

       Other dear AA friends have lost children, spouses, jobs, friends, pets, parents, siblings and more, so I admit I feel impatience - even anger - when I hear AA members whining and wanting to drink over far, far lesser things than those I've named.

But then I remember - again - that our disease is, above all things, “cunning, baffling and powerful,” and that even the smallest of things can send any drunk back to the bottle when we don't remain vigilant. 

Stay vigilant. Keep sober.