OKaysez

 

Came to Believe:

(22)

It Works if you Work It. It Won't if you Don't.  

When most of us get to AA we have no idea who we really are after years of covering up who we really are by drinking. That was certainly true of me.

And self-discovery as we do in our fourth step can bring a rude awakening about our former behavior. But we "don't know what we don't know," and finding out those things is what makes living the sober life such an adventure!

Very early in my recovery I complained to an AA friend about not having any fun anymore. I assured her I loved AA and the life it was giving me, but there wasn't much fun in it. She agreed. So we decided to go out on the town and find the fun.

 We dressed up in our "glad rags" (as my Mum used to call her best outfits), put on our warpaint, and went downtown.

But once there we stood on the pavement in the heart of the city and hadn't a clue what to do for "fun."

All our former "fun" had involved barroom pulls or barroom brawls. Without them, we were clueless.

By nine p.m. we had ended up at the home of another AA friend where we sat sipping coffee, swapping our drinking war stories, and laughing a lot over them. We finally went home - sober - at 2 a.m.

That experience taught me I had to find another concept of "fun" to continue enjoying life on my new sober path. And, thanks to a great sponsor, I soon learned self-discovery needn't all be painful.

I told my sponsor about our big night out and - after we'd had a good laugh about it - she addressed my concerns about having no "real" fun in my life outside of meetings.

She did it by having me write a list of all the things I liked to do when I was a small child, before life took those away and replaced them with work, the expectations of others, more work ... worry ... anxiety ... and drinking.

She then suggested I might see if I'd still enjoy doing any of those things, and sent me off to learn who I could now become, by exploring what I had once enjoyed. 

I learned I had outgrown having a doll house and roller skating, but that I still loved surrounding myself with bright shiny things (because glitter still turned me on).

And I learned, while I didn't want to ride a bike anymore, water aerobics and dancing do the trick when I need exercise - and they're fun.

Other items that made my list included jigsaw puzzles, art projects, reading, gardening, and there were many more. And I enjoy all of them in my sober life today.

 

Recovery isn't all about self-examination, however. Once we get an inkling of who we really are, we have to take our show on the road.

Our fellow AA members need what we have to offer and the entire world could stand a dose of what we learn in AA, too.

(Like tolerance and patience, for instance.)

 Our Big Book is very clear about it:

 "'Faith without works is dead.' How appallingly true for the alcoholic! For if an alcoholic fails to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he cannot survive the certain trials and low spots ahead.

 If he does not work, he will surely drink again, and if he drinks, he will surely die. Then faith will be dead indeed."

 

To fulfill our "primary purpose" of carrying the message to those who still suffer, we need to make sure ours is a strong message of hope and faith. Doing little exercises into self-exploration helps build both.

Doing them helps remind us of that little kid we once were who started out so bravely in life, but then got derailed by it. We can get her/him back in an all grown up and lovely version - and

we do it through self-care.

Just like our early ignorance of "fun" in our early sober days, we can be pretty clueless about self-care, too.

So here follows the 101 version of what practicing self-care involves:

1. Don't drink and go to meetings whether you want to go or not.

2. Support your friends in AA and make new friends in AA. Greet the newcomers. Make them welcome. Some of them will become the best friends you'll ever have.

3. Hold the thought that God made you and "God don't make no junk!"

4. The word "NO" is a complete sentence.

 5.   A good tomorrow depends entirely on what we do for ourselves today.

 6.  At least once a day look into a mirror and tell the person you see there they are terrific.

 7.  Positive affirmations - spoken or written - work! They insert a positive voice into our ongoing mental dialogue and over time that brings positive changes. Do them!

 8. Don't be too hard on yourself when you have a bad day. We all drank for a very long time so it's natural that changes for the better will take a bit of time, too.

9. Put the stick you use to beat yourself up in the corner and back away. (If you are only doing 1-8 above, you're doing fine. Focus on that and not any of your perceived faults!)

 10. Become a human being and not just a human doing. Give yourself a break and a day off when you need one. Trust me, the world will keep on turning even if your shoulder isn’t at the wheel.  (I call mine mental health days). 

 11. Be kind to those past versions of yourself that didn't know the things you know now.

 12. We are entitled to take our own life into our own hands. (Yes, that means you, too).

 13. Self-esteem is worth the work involved in building it.

14. Expect to be happy in your life. Practice smiling more.

 

And here's the best one:

We all go through life dragging a wagon full of crap behind us. Every so often we need to look over our shoulder and see who is back there helping us through life by pushing the wagon, and notice who is weighing us down by riding in the wagon.

Some even ride in our wagon and drag their feet along the pavement, slowing us down further.

  Empty your wagon of the dead weight. Find ways to distance yourself from those who only want you to carry them. Keep those who add their power to yours.

 

  Remember: "Precious things are very few - that's why there's only one of you!"