OKaysez

 

Made A Decision

(51)

                             All We Need is Love

The old song says - "all we need is love" - and anyone who gets to AA and stays to the finish line will, at some point, come to realize the truth of that lyric. 

But we cannot be loving unless we want to be. 

AA over time gives us the opportunity to develop and further our ability to love.

What does love (the real cosmic deal, not just having a leg over) look like anyway? 

It looks like compassion, caring, laughter, support, education, honesty, experience, and patience. 

We find all of those in AA - and more besides.

Taking them one by one:

Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” 

Compassion understands what someone is feeling and then acts to alleviate their suffering. 

Pity means just feeling sorry, without necessarily understanding or being able to help with another's pain.

 (Many people with aging and suffering pets have lots of pity, but little actual compassion regarding doing what's best for them.)

Caring - To actively display kindness and concern for others in both words and deeds.

Laughter - We all know a hearty laugh makes us feel better and there's plenty of laughter to be had in AA. 

Here's why laughing is good for us: It decreases stress hormones and increases both immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies. 

Laughter also triggers the release of endorphins, the body's natural feel-good chemicals that promote an overall sense of well-being. Laughter can even temporarily relieve pain.

Support - as in emotional support - the act of showing that you believe someone, or something, is good or acceptable. The act of giving love, encouragement, etc. We don't always receive that from family members (who don't have our illness), but we find it in abundance in our AA "family."

Education - We encourage knowledge of the 12-step recovery process as found in our literature. Everything we need to stay sober and have the best quality life is to be found there.

Honesty - to be trustworthy and loyal. 

Honesty (truthfulness) is a facet of moral character that promotes positive and virtuous attributes, like integrity and straightforwardness, in speech and conduct. 

Honesty also means the absence of lying, cheating, theft, and so on. 

Experience - In AA we receive practical advice on living sober lives based on the personal life experience of AA members before and after their road in recovery. The AA message does not carry itself; somebody must carry it. Our active members do just that!

Patience - being able to bear provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain without complaint, loss of temper or irritation. 

A willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay. Being able to have patience with reluctant, rebellious or slow learners. 

Think for a moment about love as a power, as a force.

We see it all the time in AA. Consider the nervous newcomer arriving at their first AA meeting, how they are met with love in action. 

We love bomb them! 

And that LOVE is the compelling factor in any decision they make to keep coming back. 

The newcomer arrives after years of being told by society, their friends and family (and even by themselves on those horrible hungover mornings) that they're a total fuck up. That they need to stop drinking. That they are weak, bad, stupid, have no discipline, and are someone who should be able to do better. 

 

Then, at their very first meeting, the newcomer is told they are the most important person there! That we in AA have found a solution for our own drinking problem that can work for them, too. 

That we are not weak or undisciplined people, but rather people suffering from a chronic and terminal illness.

 Alcoholics are not bad people, we are sick people seeking to get well. 

The newcomer is thus enthusiastically made welcome. 

The Hazelden Foundation puts it this way:

I will practice love, because lack of love will block the way. I will try to see good in all people, those I like and also those who fret me and go against the grain. They are all children of God. 

I will try to give love ... because the more love I give away, the more I will have.

We don't criticize people in AA, we look for the good in them and there is something good to be found in anyone. Our job is to find that good and bring it out, to bring out their best. 

We encourage the good qualities in our fellow members and ignore everything else. 

Because no one is converted by criticism. 

People respond best to love.

 What is spoken with love is always free from selfishness or negativity and has a powerful effect on others.

When words are spoken with love they can actually inspire change in others. 

My first sponsor taught me the importance of "I" messages versus "you" messages and I've never forgotten her wisdom. 

A "you" message is when we say to someone "To stay sober YOU need to do such and such." 

An "I" message is when we say, "I have learned to stay sober by doing such and such ...."

The "you message" is all about control. 

The "I message" is all about sharing love.

The bottom line is, the goal is, as I recently read in a wonderful anonymous quote: 

It's none of my business what you think of me. 

It's my business what I think of you, and I love you.

If you happen to love me back it's a plus.

So you can add to my life, but you can't take away.

I'm not trading with you. 

I love you.

Period.

Note: A number of people have said they are unable to post comments at this blog. If you have a comment you want to share, please send it directly to me - o.kay.dockside@gmail.com - and I will post it for you.