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Made A Decision

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                                  Under the Lash of Alcoholism

We sober alcoholics can be quite amusing in our smugness. Cocky in our sobriety, overconfident of our virtues, proud, vain, arrogant and patronizing in our superiority, especially over "normal" people having no wonderful program of recovery like ours for getting the most out of life.

Don't think so? 

 Then stop thinking about what YOU are going to say when it's your turn in a meeting and listen more to what others are saying. 

You'll hear a lot of people who laugh when they say, "We are not saints," but their subtext is they think they're pretty damned close.

That wonderful book Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age has this to say about it:

We of A.A. sometimes brag of the virtues of our Fellowship. Let us remember that few of these are actually earned virtues. We were forced into them, to begin with, by the cruel lash of alcoholism. We finally adopted them, not because we wished to, but because we had to. 
Then, as time confirmed the seeming rightness of our basic principles, we began to conform because it was right to do so. Some of us, notably myself, conformed even then with reluctance. 

It takes most of us a very long time in recovery before we get to the place about which that same book states:

But at last we came to a point where we stood willing to conform gladly to the principles which experience, under the grace of God, had taught us.

Yes, we should all celebrate that AA is a wonderful program, but we need to remember we didn't rush to join it. 

And, as long as it took for any of us to arrive here, it also takes a while to not only stay sober, but to manage achieving a modicum of emotional sobriety. 

Many of us talk-the-talk wonderfully in meetings, but once we leave we don't make it a city block without flipping off someone in traffic. We continue to try to dominate others, yell at our children, mentally attack (sometimes more openly) those who don't agree with us - and otherwise act out our sainthood. 

Believe it or not, all of this is OK, at least in the beginning. As long as we stay sober, better behavior will follow as we learn to use the tools for living AA teaches us. 

It takes time, thought, prayer, meditation, desire and work for our Higher Power to excavate the person we created and turn us into the person we were designed to be.

SLOW-briety!!!

Those of us who have earned our seat in AA had to first live through some pretty painful life experiences. Our drinking years were the stuff of nightmares, a time filled with fear, worry, guilt, failure, loneliness, struggle and finally hopelessness. 

Life was a frightening maze where there seemed to be no way out other than unconsciousness - or death.

We remember that time as we celebrate our daily surrender to a Higher Power who then arrives to make us - and all things - new for us. Each new sober day is a gift, given to us so that we may enjoy our lives and help others to find joy in their lives, too.

But none of us escapes occasional temptation to give in to bad behavior, up to and including the temptation to give up and pick up our drug(s) of choice. Sometimes we even dream about giving into it. So we are wise to expect and be ready for it - in all its forms - when it arrives.

We defend against temptation by paying attention to our thoughts, correcting them when necessary (especially when we don't want to!), and asking our Higher Power to assist us in that. 

And when it comes to drinking we can never, ever, entertain the thought of it for more than the split second it occurs to us. The ethanol (drug) in booze of any kind, in beer, wine, hard liquor, in any pretty bottle or attractive fruity drink, is all poison for us. 

Conquering temptation requires that we see it clearly and turn our backs on it. 

We must also guard against dwelling upon the faults of others, which is merely a perverse form of self-satisfaction. That's because when it's "their fault," it can hardly be "our fault," can it? Our Higher Power stands ready to help us with that kind of twisted thinking, too.

 When we find ourselves struggling with any reappearing character defect(s) we can have a look at Steps Six and Seven again. Not the short form, the long form, as found in the Big Book and the 12 & 12. 

Acceptance is the key. It is always the key. Accepting who we are, how we live, and the behavior of the people around us - at home, work and in meetings - allows us to achieve a realistic humility about our lives. And a by-product of humility is contentment.

Acceptance doesn't happen overnight, either. We will have to return to it over and over again during our sober journey as we encounter new situations that call for it. But serenity - its other by-product - is soooooo worth it!

We keep on trudg'n and can relax once we know for sure that we are safe in AA and embarked on a lifetime journey of joyful discovery. There's no hurry. No one is keeping score. 

We can learn and grow at our own pace and accept that this process of building back better is going to take awhile. 

 SLOW-briety!!!