OKaysez

 

Made A Decision

                                         Chairing a meeting

I will never forget my first time chairing a meeting. I had recently celebrated

my first A.A. anniversary, because in most meetings

then you were not allowed to chair - or do the main share - 

until you had passed that one year milestone.

Newcomers then were virtually ordered to help set up for meetings

 or clean up after, make the coffee, or empty and clean the ashtrays afterward

without tossing still lit ones into the bin to set the place

 on fire (as happened a time or two). 

Chairing a meeting was considered a high honor of service. It was

 a position to be earned and one where newcomers need not apply. 

And for a first time share we were expected to tell how the tools 

learned in A.A. had allowed us to stay sober for one full year.

I had been asked to chair my first meeting in a much larger 

meeting than my home group, but my sponsor had already 

taught me when A.A. asks you to step up, you do. I was terrified 

on that night when I sat down where about 40 members were

 sharing pre-meeting jokes and laughing heartily, but I had a topic

 in mind and when the hour struck, I called the meeting to order.

After somehow stumbling through The Preamble, How It Works, 

The Traditions and The Promises (the chair did all those readings 

in most groups then), I introduced my topic - A.A. Literature and

 why we read it. 

We A.A. dinosaurs called on people to share in those days and my

 eyes happily landed on my good friend, Bill B.

But because of my own self-involved nervousness I hadn’t actually noticed

Bill’s aura was radiating a deep dark funk.

“What about it, Bill?” I asked, cheerfully. 

Bill’s black mood rose and spread like a miasma throughout the room

 as he snarled and said, “I don’t read any of it. I don’t like reading.”

The room got very silent, and my heart sank as my mind scrambled around

searching for what to say next. I stayed a total mental wreck, 

too, but somehow got through the meeting that launched 4o-plus 

more years of chairing them. 

I no longer chair because of hearing loss, but I’ve learned a bit by 

doing the doing that might help others. First and foremost - the

Chairperson’s job is to facilitate the meeting, to start on time and 

keep it on time so everyone gets a chance to share whenever possible. 

There are exceptions to that (one being a meeting I attend and enjoy

 so much I never want it to end), but in most groups time-keeping,

 start to finish, is important.

The Chair also needs to keep order when necessary. While most

 meetings run smoothly, anything can happen and always does

 when least expected. 

I’ve been in meetings where fist fights erupted; a member was

 arrested; guns were drawn;  a coffee pot blew up (laughter

 ensued); and one where a wet drunk arrived, pitched a tantrum

 against God, threw up on the floor and finally passed out under

 a table. 

Wet drunks, by the way, do show up from time to time and I’m

 always glad when they do. They offer an up close personal view

 of what we were like when we drank - and what we’ll be like

 again if we pick up. 

So it’s a very good idea when chairing to have a contingency plan

 in mind for when a wet drunk does appear. Usually that means

 having lined up some long-time sober members beforehand to

 coax (or otherwise) the drunk into another room for a quiet chat

 while the meeting continues.

An A.A. friend told me recently he’d spent a good bit of time over the years

chatting with drunk men in the kitchen away from the meeting.

I’ve done the same with drunk women, even once having to convince

 one to take the cat home she had brought with her to the meeting.

Every chairperson brings their own personality and skills to that job.

Practice helps us find our feet and gives us the confidence needed to

 do a great job chairing - or in any A.A. service position.

None of the following suggestions are carved in stone. I’m only offering

what has worked for me and for many others: 

(1) Be prepared. Become familiar with how the group opens and

 closes its meetings. If readers are needed, line them up before the

meeting starts. Start on time.

(2) If it is a topic meeting, have a topic in mind and briefly introduce

 it, including your reason for selecting it.

            Topics can be any of the Steps or Traditions, an A.A. Slogan; 

the courage to change; our A.A.Toolbox; developing faith; gratitude; 

why we do service, or any topic that helps members think about

 how they are - or can - use A.A. to keep sober. 

            Be creative when picking a topic. One of the best meetings

 I’ve ever been to was on “Self-Seeking Will Slip Away,” and one

 of the most interesting was on the subject of death and how 

developing faith can help overcome our fear of it. 

 (3)  There are times when we have to ask a person to finish up

 talking and times when we need to let them talk.

        We learn the difference between the two by paying attention

 to what each person shares and not by focusing on what we are 

going to say next.

           It’s important to learn the difference between when a 

person is just happily nattering on - or - is in crisis, needing 

desperately to vent. When there is need, we let them, and we

 don’t interrupt until they are done.

              But often a member just falls in love with the sound of

 their own voice and chatters on and on. The chair finally has to

 nudge them with the reminder others need their turn to share. 

              A good rule of thumb is to keep an eye on the clock 

and be ready to speak up when they go on for more than 

four minutes.

              

              This is not easy to do, especially since some of the worst

offenders are often oldtimers, but it is important that everyone

 shares if they wish to whenever possible .

(4)  The Chair gives all the members space to digest what a

 Person has said without commenting themselves between 

speakers, other than with a basic “thank you,” or “I got a lot 

from that,” or a similar brief phrase.

             This can feel uncomfortable, because there are 

sometimes a few moments of silence between speakers,

 but we don’t need to fill it unless it goes on for more than

 a minute. At that point we can remind everyone - with a smile - 

of our power to call on them if necessary. 

             And we never, ever, cross talk after someone has

 shared by telling them what they “should” do about any 

situation. We don’t “should on” our members. (No one,

 especially us alcoholics, likes being “should on.”)

           If we have something pertinent to offer we can say

 something like, “I once had a similar problem and my 

sponsor told me to pray about it and it worked because …,”

 but we keep it brief.

          Or we ask them to stay for a minute or two after the

 meeting (this includes zoom meetings) and offer them our

thoughts then. 

          This applies to those not chairing, too. This is not cross

 talk. This is the heart of A.A. recovery, one sober alcoholic

 sharing with another what has worked to help keep them sober.

(5)  When a meeting is very large it can be helpful ten minutes

 before meeting’s end to ask if anyone really needs to share

 anything bothering them. 

            If no one jumps in, it’s the perfect time to remind everyone

 of the time and the need to keep comments brief so as many

 people can share as possible.

(6) Two or three minutes before the scheduled end of the 

meeting, the chair thanks everyone for a lovely meeting, begins

 the final readings and ends by inviting “those who wish” to join 

them in the group’s closing prayer. 

We all know some meetings are just better than others, meaning 

we leave them feeling good and often with new recovery ideas

 to apply in our own lives. These meetings are usually stuffed

 with humor, A.A. basics, and they are well chaired. 

There are also meetings that don’t offer us much, where people

continually moan about their problems while rejecting recovery

solutions; there is cross talk; members talk at length and say

 virtually nothing helpful, and where we leave glad that meeting 

is over. These meetings are not well chaired.

Chairing is important. Chairing is one of the best ways we can serve

 our home group or pitch in at another group when needed.

The chairperson sets the tone for an entire meeting. 

Despite any challenges it may give us, chairing a meeting is 

also - and far and away more often than not - a whole lot of fun.