Made A Decision
A.A. is more than a set of principles; it is a society of alcoholics in action. We must carry the message, else we ourselves can wither and those who haven't been given the truth may die. (Book: As Bill Sees It)
We stay sober by giving our sobriety away to others. I was taught that in the early days of my recovery and I have done my best to "carry the message" one way or another ever since. I was made afraid not to, because the old timers who were around when I got sober were very hard core about it.
At that time A.A.'s Responsibility Pledge was read at almost every meeting. It was the topic of many meetings, too. A good long-term-sobriety friend of mine recently told me he always gets a lump in his throat today whenever he hears it. Me, too. Here it is:
I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible.
Because there were so few women sober in my A.A. community in 1981 I was dragged along on every 12-step call involving a woman who reached out to A.A. I'd get a call from a sober male member and be told to be ready at such and such a time so we could go talk in person to the woman who had called the A.A. hotline.
I hated it, too, but no other options were given. And now, all these years later, I'm grateful for those opportunities I was given, whether I wanted them then or not. I got to see "our" disease in its latter stages up close and personal and I've never forgotten the heartbreak of it. Late stage alcoholics experience a fear, loneliness, self-loathing and bewilderment no one should have to suffer.
The "hand of A.A." can pull those sufferers out of that nightmare. We are obligated to reach out to them, just as those in A.A. reached out to us when we got here. They certainly did for me!
I, like so many newcomers, was a right royal pain in the ass when I arrived in A.A. Angry, opinionated, stubborn, self-centred and arrogant were just a few of the adjectives then applicable to me. Group members and my sponsor put up with all of it, guiding me up the steps onto the pathway to a joyful sober life and hanging onto me so I'd stay on it. I am grateful beyond words for each and every one of them. And I try always to remember their patience with me when I lashed out at them. As I did. A lot! I was told to just "keep coming back," and was then given more service work to do so that I would!
As Bill W said: Honesty with ourselves and others gets us sober, but it is tolerance that keeps us that way.
Our A.A. literature tells us over and over that we MUST give away our sobriety to the still suffering alcoholic to stay sober ourselves. Absolutely nothing can relieve our depression and self-centeredness as effectively as reaching out to another alcoholic. We help them and, in so doing, help ourselves. Doubt me? Try it!
Meetings are not eight hour sessions. Most of them are a mere one hour long. We can sit through an hour even when we're tired, or feeling unwell-ish, especially in a Zoom meeting, because our presence there is enough to encourage others. We don't even have to talk. We go to our meetings whether we "feel" like going or not. We go to help the people in those meetings and, in doing, we help ourselves.
We're told often in recovery that it's not all about us! Our first step in A.A. doesn't say "I" - it says "WE." We admitted we were powerless over alcohol!
All the prayer and meditation in the world will not help us unless they are accompanied by action. A.A. is a program for all of us. It takes a team effort to keep us all sober. Mary Z, my first sponsor, sponsored me into many service opportunities, including sponsoring others. She told me that once I had gone through all 12 steps with her I was better qualified to sponsor a newcomer than she was, because my memory of the nightmare drinking they were now escaping was fresher than hers.
So I sponsored others early in my own recovery and it kept me sober. I made mistakes of course, some sponsees drank again, some took advantage of me, I got frustrated, I worried, I felt inadequate, but I did it. And I'm glad I did it, because - with practice - I got better at it. We all do. We learn by doing-the-doing, not by thinking!
A.A. wisdom says people must ask us to sponsor them, and generally that's true. But I have occasionally been known to reach out to people who didn't ask me first with an offer to sponsor them. Not often, but every now and then, when I felt it was needed. I’ve also been known to play cupid when my HP gives me nudge that one person would be a great sponsor for another in my orbit. As our promises tell us, "we will intuitively know" about many things. I think this has been one of those areas for me.
All of us have something to offer A.A. and finding where our talents can best be used is part of our recovery. We don't do everything. And we don't let ourselves burn out and cop resentments. We just do what we can, where we can, and we encourage others to do the same. Service work includes doing all those things that make a meeting happen - from unlocking the meeting room door to cleaning up afterwards. We chair, share, and hold office. In Zoom meetings we open early, greet arrivals and shut down afterwards.
We hold positions outside of our home group, too, like phone service where we are available for specific blocks of time to answer questions about recovery to those seeking information. And our home group can carry the message into treatment centers and prisons. We can leave A.A. brochures and other A.A. information in our doctor's office - or in a neighbor's mailbox. Active members of A.A. help others get to meetings, call to check on people, send emails offering an A.A. message and in general taking time to encourage one another.
Doing all the above helps us to stay sober while we are learning to become better people. Sober living is an adventure which, compared to our grim and lonely drinking years, offers us friendship, excitement, joy and purpose. Our Big Book describes it like this: Life will take on a new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives.
Not being active in A.A. puts our sobriety at risk. As member Mel B. said: Recovering from alcoholism is like getting a gunshot wound. You can recover from it, but it does NOT make you bulletproof. Never bulletproof for sure, but we can armour ourselves by extending the hand of A.A. where needed. Service work is not hard duty, it is the doorway to happiness.
Recovery allows us the opportunity to gain spiritual understanding at our own sober pace. The learning is never over. Every sober day is brand new and there's no need to rush our One Day at a Time journey. As you know by now, I like to call it - SLOW-briety.
The instructions in our Big Book end with another throat-lumping segment: Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you - until then.
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