OKaysez

 

Made A Decision

(71)

                                 Balance

"My definition of balance is being able to obsess equally in all areas of my life."

I read that quote above recently and, while it made me chuckle, it also felt waaay too close to the mark. 

That's because the need to create a balanced life has been the one big challenging and recurring theme of my entire time in recovery.

My Higher Power clued me it would be so during the first year of my AA journey, because the word "balance" was everywhere. 

Some examples:

. My laundry detergent offered me a BALANCED washing - with the word "balance" printed in big bold letters.

. The announcer for the high wire circus act on TV stressed how the performers must remain BALANCED.

. A bank statement gave notice of a new and easy way to BALANCE my account.

Fuzzy as my head was that first year, even I couldn't miss that message from my Higher Power on the need for more BALANCE in my life.

So what does a balanced life look like?

 

It looks calm and centered and comfortable. It shows up when we pay attention to developing our spiritual, physical and mental health. 

We do this by making prayer and meditation part of our daily routine, by eating right and exercising (preferably out in the open air), and by attending our meetings to support our mental health.

Plus we need ALL the tools of recovery - from step work to book study groups - to develop and keep our balance. 

Avoiding the busy-ness of ALWAYS doing too much is one component. 

Remembering the AA advice to H.A.L.T. - not allowing ourselves to become too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired - is another.

Alcoholics are too often excitement junkies, creating or seeking stress to boost our built in drug, adrenaline. We use caffeine the same way. Achieving serenity isn't easily done when we're all jazzed up on either.

Balance can be achieved, and it's worth the effort, but it remains subject to change as our conditions change.

We are now - and always - like the high wire walker over a canyon who must maintain balance despite sudden gusts of wind.

Let's say our AA life has restored our family to us, we now have a good job, we have a strong support system in our AA friends and our standing in the community has been restored. All is good! 

But then ...

We are diagnosed with a medical problem; our child overdoses on drugs; we learn an AA friend has gossiped about us; our company goes bust and our job is gone along with it; divorce papers arrive … What then? 

How do we retain balance through any of these scary kinds of situations?

First we check in with the Boss, the Top Guy, Amazing Grace, God, or whatever we chose to call our Higher Power. There we whine for a bit - then surrender the problem and ask for help.

We will also talk to our sponsor and our known-to-be-trustworthy AA friends. We'll step up our number of meetings and talk about what's going on. 

We may whine for a bit to God and our friends, but then must get off our pity pot before it becomes our permanent habitat. 

Besides, by now (after using all our AA tools) we're ready to face whatever facts must be faced - and dealt with - about our changed situation. 

That's our solution for every single life problem we will encounter. That's how we learn to live life on life's terms ... or ... as I prefer to think of it, to live life on God's terms.

Fast forward now, one sober day at a time, when old age arrives with a whole new set of adjustments to be made.

That's when we suddenly find ourselves unable to do those daily tasks that were once so easy we never gave them a thought.

Finding our balance in the strange (and often hilarious) new world of hard-of-hearing, hard to remember, hard to get up from a chair, hard to walk very far, hard to clean the bathtub ... takes a lot of new adjustments.

Finding the balance - when losing it can mean a broken hip - takes a good bit of getting used to!

It's also hard to know just how much of our "hand of AA" is still required of us in our old age. How much should now be handed off to younger members so they, too, can gain what we have from our wonderful program.

Reevaluating one's life while busy living it is never easy, but it's always necessary when we feel out of balance once again. I've spent a lot of time in prayer and thought (and conversation with trusted friends) about this old age balancing act this week. 

I've decided it’s now time to step back from a lot of my AA commitments, but to continue with writing this weekly blog. It's my best way now to continue giving back to our program.

And I will use any free time gained to push forward with a current project to compile all these blogs into book form.

Just writing this down here has already made me feel more balanced.

My work now - as always - will be to keep me that way!