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When the Honeymoon Ends

Everything about AA is wonderful to many newcomers. The meetings are amazing. The people are without flaw. They make us laugh and they also seem so wise. The program is perfect.

Who knew sobriety could be like this?

Getting free of the compulsion to drink, making new and wonderful friends, becoming involved in our recovery while planning happy days around getting to our next meeting, feels a lot like being on a honeymoon.

In AA it's called being on a pink cloud. Some of us ride it for a very long time, finding real joy in being alive after years of it being hard to even face another day. 

AA gives us a reason for living. We find breathtaking beauty in nature, where it has always been- but went unnoticed when our lives were focused on getting our next drink.

Old timers smile knowingly when an enraptured newcomer sings AA's praises. Some even burst the newcomer's bubble with cynical comments like, "Enjoy it now, you'll fall off that pink cloud soon enough."

Sadly, the cynics are right.

No one stays on a honeymoon forever. One day we wake up back in life as it’s lived by the vast majority of society. This often happens at the nine-month-sober mark, statistically the time of most relapses.

But at any time in our recovery - without warning - our meetings may suddenly seem full of dull and boring people who don't leave us enough time to talk; we see that our AA friends actually gossip just like the people at work; and we discover our lives aren't all that great.

It begins to feel like our lives will never be perfect, even if we're sober. Maybe our problems at home have gotten worse since we quit drinking? Maybe we're realizing we've hated our job for years? Maybe the whole world feels like it is going to hell in a hand-basket? Maybe ...

Hold it right there.

"Alcoholism is a disease of perception."

And it is here where we start to learn that everything in our lives - EVERYTHING - is about our perception.

We make the choice to view things as either good or bad.

My Alcoholism is always a disease of my own flawed perception!!!

My first reaction to a “perceived” difficult situation is always negative. If I don't immediately change my thinking (which takes a good bit of practice) a flood of negative thoughts can rush in to sweep away my chance of finding a solution.  But just like when caught up in a raging torrent, if we can reach out and grasp just one firm thing - one positive thought  - and hang onto it, we'll be able to regain some stability and haul ourselves to safety.  When the going gets tough(er) we call our sponsors, we reach out to our AA friends, we force ourselves to go to meetings, even that one where we know boring old Jabberon is going to talk away half of it.  (Boring old Jabberon's job, btw, is to teach us patience and tolerance).  We become more willing to move forward with whatever step may need a revisit. How well we can recognize that we're headed for trouble, and deal with it quickly, can reveal to us the extent of our own progress in recovery. Just this past week I had to recognize I was in a sudden lesson of my own and had to mutter to myself, "Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of my own actions (now arriving at Gate One.)" I am by nature a solitary creature, as are most writers. I am also about as flexible and spontaneous in my old age as your average wall. I have a daily routine that's pretty much carved in stone and my middle name isn't "Letschangeitup." So when a young AA friend said he was coming to see me, and I replied, "Great, you are always welcome," I was shocked when his next email (five minutes later) showed a picture of his boarding pass from the UK. I then spent that day fretting about me, me, me. Me and my routine. Me and the book I'm now working on. Me and getting a blog written with company in the house. Me and ... so it went. Fortunately, I know enough to connect with friends who let me whine a bit when I need to. And I shared about it at a meeting. And I shared it (gently) with my young friend, too, upon his arrival. It's called "honesty" and it's what we non-saints are required to do to stay sober. My visiting friend is incredibly dear to me and has had some big problems in recent months. He felt the sudden need to visit a friend who might offer some encouragement. I hope I have. I know we've had a lovely visit. (For starters, he washes dishes!) Even after long-term recovery I don’t ever react to surprises with emotional sobriety. I must always first flail a bit before remembering my Higher Power has my back in all situations.  When all is going according to MY plan I can start to believe my work is done. But it is in our lessons where we find our continued spiritual awakening. It doesn't matter how long or short a time we have been in recovery, the learning must continue if we want to make more room for more of the gifts of recovery. And I am nothing if not a greedy bugger. I want all the prezzies that can come my way. (Over time we can learn how to climb back aboard our pink cloud for another wonderful ride, too ... at least until our next "lesson" arrives).