OKaysez

Made A Decision

(74)

                Where's the Magic Bullet?

        (For those whose problem isn't alcohol, rather it's an alcoholic!)

"How can I get my ... daughter, husband, son, wife, friend, uncle, aunt, cousin, neighbor, co-worker, lover, boss, grandchild, step-dad, etc. etc. etc. ... sober?"

It’s the most heart-wrenching question recovering alcoholics can ever hear, because the answer is: "You can't."

Sadly, there is no magic bullet to shoot down drunks and drag them into AA. I’ve wished for one many times, but in recovery it's truly every woman or every man for themselves.

I always recommend the 12-step program of Al-Anon to those suffering from loving someone who, in their eyes, is hell-bent on destroying themselves and everyone in their orbit. 

But, just like suggesting AA to a still drinking alcoholic, people suffering from "alcoholic over-exposure," usually don't want to hear about Al-Anon, either. 

I used to wonder why that was, but now I think it's either about control, or an unwillingness to believe anyone has a better solution for their “unique” problem, or a need for the family scapegoat to keep that job so others can feel better about themselves.

"I may have some problems, who doesn't? But at least I'm not the total fuck up my sister (niece/cousin/or-any-other) is."

"I've done everything I could possibly do to help. I've paid their rent. Cared for their children. Taken groceries over there ... but he/she just won't listen to reason."

In the big picture the problem child (alcoholic) makes everyone feel better about their own lives, especially those who enjoy a drink or two and can do so without overdoing it.

But when we're invested in trying to control anyone's behavior we're soon destined to feel frustrated, baffled, and eventually angry. People are not puppets. God gave each of us free will to either use for our good or our harm.

Despite the fact that alcoholics can be obnoxious, destructive, self-centered, controlling, and virtually impossible to deal with when they are drinking - Alcoholism is an illness - a chronic, terminal, fatal, progressive illness with detectable symptoms as it progresses.

And - here's the big thing - alcoholics don't know they are ill. 

The drug ethanol, found in every alcoholic beverage, inflames the brain.

Even one drink impacts the ability to think clearly.

Larger amounts actually cause the brain to swell.

Imagine trying to think clearly with a swollen brain!

No one would shout at someone with a broken leg - "Get up and walk you lazy bastard." We wouldn't tell someone with diabetes, "You've brought this on yourself eating all that sugar." We don't tell someone with cancer to "Stop being such a victim."

And yet non-alcoholics say hurtful things to drinking alcoholics all the time:

"You disgraced our entire family with your behavior last night."

"Don't you realize what this is doing to your children? "

"What is WRONG with YOU?"

"If you loved me you wouldn't keep drinking when you know it hurts me so much."

And so on (and on, and on).

We alcoholics get asked - often - “Why don’t you just have a couple of drinks and then stop?”  We have no answer when we're still drinking, because we don’t know that a single drink in an alcoholic ignites a physiological response known as “craving,” where one drink is too much and a hundred aren’t enough.

People watching us self-destruct truly do not understand how we can not see that it is our drinking that's causing us all our problems, but we honestly, truly, completely do not see it. 

We can't allow ourselves to see it, because we are full of fear and have serious doubts there's anything that can help us. Drinking shuts down that fear, while assuring us our drinking isn't as bad as all that.

If you are hoping for sobriety for someone close to you, all the lectures in the world won't change them. All the "shoulds" and "whys" and "please" won't budge them.

What you can do is put some AA brochures in their path, or a copy of AA's Big Book of recovery, but that's about it. Once that's done it's time to shut up and leave the alcoholic with it.

I firmly believe my brother, Robert, prayed me into the rooms of AA after first showering me with a ton of AA brochures. I will always be grateful for him pointing me toward AA ... but I sure as hell wasn't when all those brochures arrived!  

And I certainly wasn't convinced AA could help very-special-me when I finally did get into recovery. I stayed sober for three years, one nervous day at a time, before I was able to relax a bit and believe that AA might actually continue to work for me.

It did work.

It continues to work. It has worked for me for 41 sober years now.

And if it can work for me it can work for any alcoholic who gives it their best try.

But how to get them to try? 

Alcoholics have to have their own personal "moment of clarity," where we suddenly see what we're doing to ourselves and desperately want to escape. Only then can we become willing to try something - anything - new.

In AA it's called "hitting bottom," and it can occur at any stage in our drinking. 

So if there's an alcoholic in your life you're hoping to see get sober, please remember you are dealing with a sick person needing to get well, not a bad person who needs to become good. 

The AlAnon program has helped millions of people with your problem. Go there for a minimum of six meetings before you decide if it can help you or not.

There's relief in AlAnon for you if you'll give it a chance to work. Today could be the day for you to hit your own "bottom" with your problem.

That's my prayer for you.